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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed by all this boring nonsense?

301 replies

FlowerPuff · 29/01/2015 14:27

I’m 29 and this post concerns my oldest ‘friend’. We were always very close, met at school. Both live in London. She got married in December and asked me to be bridesmaid. I was seeing someone and he was obviously my plus one. We split up 2 weeks before the wedding and my friend was quite supportive to be fair and came to see me etc, cooked and stuff like that. What annoyed me at the time (although I didn’t say anything) was that a few days before the wedding I asked if I could take a date and she refused on the basis that she had already given her table plans to the venue but I could bring a friend or my mum if I wanted to? Hmm What difference would a date have made?

On the wedding day she was very nice but it seemed to me that she tried deliberately not to be all ‘me me me’ and gave out presents to us, let her husband talk about how amazing she was etc and it was all a bit showy and reverse showing off about how amazing her life is. Don’t get me wrong, they are very happy together and he is lovely but there was no thought to my recent break up. She even asked me on the night “if I was ok?” Hmm. Kind of got on my nerves to hear how amazing she is from everyone all night. Every single conversation with her friends was all about how she is the best thing since sliced bread. Surely there is more to life than this?

Since the wedding we have been out and she didn’t drink (she’s not pregnant). I love her but I just feel she has completely changed as a person. AIBU to say something?

OP posts:
Original poster
FlowerPuff · 29/01/2015 14:58

SaucyJack - i have known the man in question for ages - we work together. He is far from a stranger. In fact, i spend more time with him than my friend in question!!

OP posts:
ILovePud · 29/01/2015 14:58

Number3cometome a reverse is where the OP posts from the perspective of the person he or she feels is being unreasonable. So PP's are saying that the OP's stance on this issue is so unreasonable that she must actually be the bride and her friend/bridesmaid is behaving in the ways described in the post. OP I too suspect this is a reverse or possible just a bit of bored trolling, if this is real then I think you need to take a step back from this friendship, it sounds like the break up has been very damaging and your projecting some of this onto your friend. It must feel pretty shit to feel so low and have someone else's happiness all around you so for the sake of your friendship in the long run (I presume you've been close if she asked you to be a bridesmaid) then just take some time out until you're feeling better and can deal with her. I really don't think anything you've described her doing is unreasonable.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 29/01/2015 14:58

A plus one you've been with for 2 weeks, isn't a bf, it's a random. She probably wanted to know or have some sort of connection to everyone that was there. That put your back up - well, ok, that's your privilege - and know you're finding fault with everything.

If she's ttc she's probably only drinking once a week, and she probably didn't want to tell you because you've had a face like fizz since her wedding/your split. In fact:

"AIBU? My bridesmaid split up with her bf two weeks before my wedding and then asked to bring a complete random in his place. I just wasn't comfortable with that and suggested she bring a friend or her mum.

Well, apparently her mum was on holiday and I was really selfish not to have known that, but I digress.

She sat all the way through my wedding with a total face on, scowled at the speeches and just seemed to be having a rubbish time. I asked her if she was OK but it didn't help. Since then I feel like she's silently judging me for being happy with my DH. We went out last week, I'm not drinking cos we're still skint after the wedding, and actually we're ttc, but I can't tell her that because I can't bear to see her go off in the huff again.

WWYD?"

Number3cometome · 29/01/2015 14:58

SaucyJack - i have known the man in question for ages - we work together. He is far from a stranger. In fact, i spend more time with him than my friend in question!!

Then why did you go to the wedding?

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 29/01/2015 15:00

I'm still confused... You were annoyed that her DH gave a speech about how lovely she is? That's what DH's do at weddings! Did you want him to not do a speech about his bride in case it upset you?! Seriously?? And everyone saying how lovely she is at her wedding... 1) it's not her fault what other people day and 2) again, that's what people do at weddings.

All this smacks of jealously to me. Maybe she should have cancelled her wedding in case it upset you?

TheWitTank · 29/01/2015 15:01

You sound like bloody hard work, jealous and bitter. You want her wedding, her life and her happiness to all revolve around you and how you feel. Grow up. I presume you are over 12 years old, yes?

HedgehogsDontBite · 29/01/2015 15:01

29? Really? You sound like a jealous teenager. You've got the hump because her wedding was about her not about you. Bloody ridiculous.

whattodoowiththeleftoverturkey · 29/01/2015 15:01

She was trying hard not to make her wedding all 'me, me, me'. She asked if you were ok. She gave you a gift. She gave you the option to bring mum/friend.

Some women give brides a very bad name.

How long had you been seeing your BF for?

Dod you drink on the night out? Did you have a good time?

KindleFancy · 29/01/2015 15:02

there was no thought to my recent break up

On her wedding day? If you're serious, you're incredibly ur and self centred.

I got married last year. I barely had time to speak to my own parents for much of the day. It's a whirl and everyone wants a piece of you.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/01/2015 15:03

How the hell did you know she 'didn't mean' what she said, FlowerPuff? I am assuming you are referring to her asking you if you were OK, on her wedding day, but having the sheer nerve to be happy at the same time.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 29/01/2015 15:04

I know a few people who I think would act similarly to you, OP. Funnily enough they're all quite lonely and any friends they make don't stick around long once they see their true colours.

ptumbi · 29/01/2015 15:04

I get the feeling that your 'plus one' wasn't welcomed because the seating plan had gone to th hotel already - she would rather your mum came, as she may be seated away from you (with people from Bride family who she may know?) whereas your new man would not be seated with you (as BM) and wouldn't know anyone, and is a stranger?

You do see m envious of her. She had a lovely day, with people who loved her; she asked after you as your friend, she has been out with you as a friend, and all you can do is pick holes in her happiness?

Because she is happy and you aren't?

Original poster
FlowerPuff · 29/01/2015 15:04

You were annoyed that her DH gave a speech about how lovely she is? Totally not what i meant at all. Her DH is absolutely lovely, as i mentioned. What i mean is, me bringing my work date makes no odds to her - she was at her own wedding and shouldn't have been worrying about things like that and i just felt a bit let down, that's all.

I neglect to mention that no thought was given to where i was placed at the meal - a table full of couples where i felt like a right plum. Oh yeah, v thoughtful yet she claims to have been "concerned about me". I just wish she would have spared me the pity when she could easily have not put me in a position where i felt awkward.

OP posts:
VanitasVanitatum · 29/01/2015 15:04

Maybe she didn't want the random stranger (to her) sitting next to whoever she had seated next to your ex on the plan?

anothermakesthree · 29/01/2015 15:05

Hmm this must be a wind up.

BitchPeas · 29/01/2015 15:06

God you sound awful. And childish.

Grow up, concentrate on your own life and making yourself happy. In the meantime decide wether you can be genuinely happy for your friend, if so get on with it, if not cut her off.

SuasSios · 29/01/2015 15:06

I neglect to mention that no thought was given to where i was placed at the meal - a table full of couples where i felt like a right plum.

Where did you want to sit then? Most weddings are attended by couples/pairs?

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 29/01/2015 15:06

I neglect to mention that no thought was given to where i was placed at the meal - a table full of couples where i felt like a right plum.

But up until two weeks before the wedding, you'd have been with your bf? It's a little late to change seating plans. I was a BM a couple of years ago for SIL and was sat away from OH. It's part of being a BM.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/01/2015 15:07

Yes - she was at her own wedding, and had more things to worry about than whether she should let you bring some random, so you could get to know him better (though why you need that 'special' time to get to know him better, when you spend more time with him than you do with the bride, baffles me.

Frankly, get your head out of your arse, and stop whingeing because your friend did not make her wedding day all about you!!

QweenCnut · 29/01/2015 15:08

Surely a good friend would appreciate that this would have been a good opportunity for me to have got to know this guy better?

i have known the man in question for ages - we work together. He is far from a stranger. In fact, i spend more time with him than my friend in question!!

Hmm
Nancy66 · 29/01/2015 15:08

were you expecting the groom to give a speech about what a complete bitch his new wife is???

(this thread is mad)

OllyBJolly · 29/01/2015 15:08

Think LonnyVonny has the OP rumbled!

silveroldie2 · 29/01/2015 15:08

I would shut the fuck up if I were you. With each subsequent post you sound more and more ridiculous, jealous and self obsessed.

GraysAnalogy · 29/01/2015 15:09
  • you said she didn't give thought to your breakup, yet she cooked for you, was your friend and asked you were you okay
  • but then you say you didn't want her pity?
  • you're not happy that she didn't want to be 'me me me' but her DP was saying how amazing she is, whats the problem there?
  • you're also unhappy you were at a table of couples. So what. too late to change seating plans, did you want a special snowflake singles table?

It's her wedding. It's not your day. And she hasn't done anything wrong anyway. You're being incredibly self centred.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/01/2015 15:10

"I neglect to mention that no thought was given to where i was placed at the meal - a table full of couples where i felt like a right plum. Oh yeah, v thoughtful yet she claims to have been "concerned about me". I just wish she would have spared me the pity when she could easily have not put me in a position where i felt awkward."

Sorry - you think she should have re-done her whole fucking seating plan just to accommodate you? Seating plans can be a nightmare - and the last couple of weeks running up to one's wedding are really hectic and stressful - but she should have spent time and mental energy she didn't have, redoing the seating plan?

You are unbelievable!