To think it's not ok for married man

[changeclothesss]

To go round to female colleagues house to 'help her with her tax return' and stay for dinner?

But heart the OP's husband is filling in a tax return with his colleague and sharing a meal not sleeping in the same bed?

Parallel universe indeed ....

Several of my friends' husbands helped me move.

I bought pizza and beer to say thank you...

Not read the whole thread.

Just popped on to do the "When he goes round to do her books, will he try double entry?" joke.

Off again.

Well either he is having an affair in which case it will happen regardless of whether or not he helps her out or goes to her house.

or he just a nice guy helping out a close friend and she is just cooking dinner as a thank you.

sometimes when something is a big help buying a bottle of wine or chucking petrol money at them doesn't seem enough somehow and is a bit impersonal. cooking a meal is just a bit more, well I don't know the word exactly but it kind of returns the effort They put into helping you.

what I don't get is this weird "well I'm. ok with this and this but not with that"

either you trust them or you don't. If you do then location length of time or the meal or whatever is irrelevant isn't it?

I think it's important to think.of the friends POv as well.

I mean obviously when people hook up or get married any of the "round the house with beer and x box almost daily" kind of situation gets cut down. understandably.

but if the few visits round they do make are the source of so much hassle, well that's a bit unfair in them isn't it?

A person can't be expected to completely ditch their friend or live with the resentment of a sporadic trip to "help with a form or fix the tv causes.

heartisaspade
if my husband rang me after a long day of looking after the kids to say "oh I'm not coming home, I'm going to my female colleague's house to help her with her tax return and then have dinner with her" I would be really pissed off. Not because I thought they were going to have sex.

Then why would it matter if the colleague was female?

I just think it's weird that the actual OP was AIBU To think it's not ok for married men To go round to female colleagues house to 'help her with her tax return' and stay for dinner? and absolutely nothing else. No "I've seen her licking her lips and doing the finger in a circle gesture at him", or "he's been unfaithful before" or "he talks about her constantly and tells me she's so beautiful" - absolutely nothing!

So yes, it is weird to have a problem with your husband doing a favour for someone and having a bit of food while he's there if that's all there is to it. And since nothing else has been provided (unless I've missed it) then that IS all there is to it.

ok sorry for being vague I didn't mean to drip feed was annoyed when he said this last night.

I don't know a lot about her I haven't met her and he doesn't talk about her often but I have seen messages pop up on his phone from her before quite often and know from his calls that he talks to her most days even though he said that only a small part of their work overlaps

So has he filled her tax return yet or not?

More importantly, what did she cook for dinner not food obsessed, oh no, not me

PJ and Heartisaspade are the only ones talking sense here. This work colleague is clearly a vile harlot. She should be in a burka. She definitely shouldn't be working -not with all of those awful "think with their cocks" men. As soon as we get Sharia law here all will be well in the world.

Your spidey senses are ALWAYS ALWAYS 100% right. Get a private dick to follow him. Hack into his phone. Go through his wallet. Get a drone with a camera and hover it outside her windows.

If don't find any evidence of his lying cheating ways then that just PROVES there's been a massive cover up.

LTB

He is there now

Go round now

I think rational is the voice of reason here

< slaps self for not thinking about drones then we'd know what they are having for pudding >

Give him the sniff test when he gets home OP. Perfume = not good. Fresh from the shower = not good. The whiff of receipts and lasagne = okay.

wouldnt bother me at all, i literally wouldnt give it a second thought. My DP helps out his female friends all the time. I see at as no different to his male friends. I also spend time with my male friends without DP. obviously if i had reason to not trust him, it would be different.

< passes Shake n' Vac to hearts >

OP if you are worried about your husband's relationship with this colleague then you need to sit down and have a serious talk with him. All this supposition isn't doing you any good and it's not going to magically go away.

I would defo think this was weird if it was a new friend he was being cagey about. sorry you are getting such a hard time op, I have no idea why.

It would be different if they were old friends and he was being open honest and normal about it. But he's not even introduced her or talked about her as a friend. He's not talking about her and is playing down the contact they have so it's weird.

OP

Please post on relationships if you still want to talk this through.

People are being arseholes to you without even knowing the full story. You posted twice and people jumped to the conclusion that you were crazy, jealous etc because for some reason they were incapable of waiting to see if there was more to the story. I guess some just find it fun to jump to conclusion and be mean.

Your concerns may be very valid but I wouldn't bother posting here again and the tone has been set already.

What other people do in their relationship has no bearing on the situation you are in now. people coming on to tell you how their husbands go round female friends for dinner and all is ok doesn't change the fact that you might have a valid reason for your concerns.

Either way, you come here to talk it through and got a load of shit instead.

Agree with heartisaspade.

I would not have a problem if the woman came round to our house instead.

Heartisaspade you sound a wee bit cwoss. I'm sorry about that.

You're the model of a healthy relationship (Heartisaspade) that we should all aspire to. Trust is a such naive and foolish thing.

Sorry in advance if that causes more untidiness on your carpet. Tena pads?