To think it's not ok for married man

[changeclothesss]

To go round to female colleagues house to 'help her with her tax return' and stay for dinner?

agreed former babe

Why should a man help anyway, women can do tax returns, surely.

What is this helpless damsel business, that would annoy me

No. Not the staying for dinner. I wouldn't be keen to approve of this. Why can't they come to your house or invite you to join them for dinner.

be case she has kids and can't leave?

or because all her records are at her house?

because people don't usually object to friends coming over?

I wouldn't like it. Same as my DH wouldn't like me doing it with the opposite sex - and we are happy as Larry.

What else has made you feel like they're getting too close OP?

Dinner and a favour on its own isn't a big deal, but something else must be going on to make you feel that way?

Why does she need help?

Is it hard?

I think it's fine for a man to go around to a woman's house to help with a form and for dinner even if he's married.

I don't think its ok for a married man to go around a woman's house if he is too close to her (romantic/sexual interest of course not family's etc).

Do you think it's ok to suddenly stop being so close to someone or visiting their house when you have been friends for a long time just because he got married.

It's not ok to ditch friends like that surely?

I'm talking in general here not the ops dh

What's all this whinging about women who can't do tax returns? Is it suddenly unfeminist to need a bit of help with dealing with HMRC forms? I've helped out one man with his tax, and one woman with her household budget. Damsel in distress has got nothing to do with it, different people have different skills, that's all. FFS.

"the usual full sweep".

Fucking hell that's depressing. Surely it's over if you don't have that trust?

As for the tax return stuff, it can be an utter bastard to do if you're new to it. I helped my dad out with his and he's a qualified chartered accountant so clearly not helpless.

*Why does she need help?

Is it hard?*

I've got two university degrees and a diploma. One of them is in Law.

I had to do a tax return this year and it was baffling. I ended up fucking it up and they calculated I owed £15k, when in fact I only owed £400. Luckily it was all sorted in one phone call.

I'd definitely describe it as not easy.

If I needed some help with something, and asked a friend to do it, I would probably feed them while we're working and give them a bottle of wine as a thank you. I wouldn't in a million years dream of inviting myself round to their house and strewing my paperwork all over their sitting room floor and expecting to be served dinner with his family.

Dinner is family time in our house so it would be odd for one of the adults to eat elsewhere without notice.

I helped dh with his tax return. They're not easy.

It conpletely depends on the context.

If this was a relatively unknown female colleague...he goes round, does the tax return by 6.30, then doesn't get home until Midnight...I'd be pretty pissed off tbh.

It's terribly fashionable for wives/girlfriends to say they're completely OK for their other halfs to hang out with other women, alone. But in the real world, not many are.

Also some of the PP jumping from the majority saying it's ok to us all saying we let our Dp go on holiday with models maybe need a perspective check.
Most people find a tax return and dinner if there is no history/bad hunch ok.
Not the same as holiday with models!

But I think the OP ' S basic problem is "the hunch" ... In which case regardless of tax return, dinner, whatever ... The issue is she needs to confront the elephant in the corner and speak to her dh about feeling uneasy. If it's innocent it will clear it up. If he's tempted it will hopefully nip it in the bud.

Relationships work like that. Communications not rules like girls one room, boys the other. It's not a school disco.

OP might be on to something. If someone had come over and helped me complete mine on-line last night there is a very good chance of would have kissed them, man/woman/cat or dog, I would have kissed them.

Kindle in your real world. It depends on working environment, culture etc.
Down thread there are posters who are older/retired who are ok with it: not in a "I'm a cool girlfriend way" but at the other end of the scale - traditional gentlemen helping, with a traditional female reward of food. My late gran and her neighbours were like this and the only objection from a wife was the dh was having 2 teas!

So its not just a "trendy" thing.

In many communities/friendship groups it IS normal.

I won't do anything in a relationship that I would find creepy. This is after escaping a possessive ex. I would find the assumption I was shagging a colleague if I went round their house offensive (obviously given me being honourable and giving notice I'd be going out, when I'd be back etc). Therefore I extend the same treatment to dh. This is "the norm" amongst my 30s- 50s peer group... not trendy young couples (sadly ) but rather steady families many of whom are more traditional/religious in outlook.

You may have a point there squizita.
35 years of my OH not being unfaithful and not thinking with his cock may have coloured my judgement.
When we were younger, he taught at Oxford, at LMH and St Hilda's. Many, many young, nubile women, all intelligent, many of them beautiful and wealthy and many hanging on his words and writing them down. Asking for his help, being grateful when they got it. 1:1 tutorials...
But he loved me, came home to me and I trusted him.
Good news for all of thos with DDs at uni who might worry if 'All men think with their cocks' were true. I doubt that the system still includes women being alone with a male tutor now.

Just like you feel 'sad for me' and 'sorry for me' for saying 'men think with their cocks'. I feel sorry for those of you that don't think that.

I don't feel sad for you, or sorry for you. I just think that you are wrong.
I used to live in an area where many girls had their first child by 16, and had several by the age of 22. Many of the boys/young men were fathers to several children by different partners, sometimes the partners were consecutive and sometimes they weren't. Likewise with their parents, many were grandparents in their 30s.
So if that was my experience, and the only experience of relationships, I might well think that the entire world ran like that. Men off the leash were completely driven by sex and were indiscriminate. Incapable of being monogamous. But I've lived in many other places and so I know that it isn't true.

squiz Quite right, I stand corrected, mine also thinks with his belly!
I think it's simplistic to say All men think with their cocks. Like saying all women can't drive or all women like shoe shopping.
It's a stupid stereotype.
In any case, even if it were true, just because a man thinks with his cock doesn't mean he is ruled by it. He might see an attractive person, think he'd like to shag her, then go home to his family. Don't women often see attractive people, think Ooh they're nice, then not do anything about it?

My DH does this type of thing and I don't mind at all. I go out with male colleagues for drinks, just two of us mostly, on my own too.
It probably depends on the context, DH & I have no history of not being able to trust each other.

I doubt that the system still includes women being alone with a male tutor now.

Yes, of course it still does, how else would it work? If a male tutor cannot be alone with a female student, our girls will not be able to study at uni. They will need a chaperone to take them everywhere, just in case they find themselves speaking alone to a male tutor. Then we would have to start worrying about our boys too - what if the male tutor is gay, and fancies the male student because obviously, being male, he thinks with his cock? Oh dear. Maybe no male tutor should be allowed to be alone with any student, ever, just in case? Maybe we should just ban male tutors and be done with it.