To think it's not ok for married man

[changeclothesss]

To go round to female colleagues house to 'help her with her tax return' and stay for dinner?

Gileswithachainsaw
Here's a thought.
If he's banging her, then they will find a way whether or not you make a fuss and prevent him going round to do tax returns.

Exactly this.

About two weeks ago I had to meet my boss so he could sign something. He wasnt coming in to the office as he was going on a business trip. We arranged to meet at a coffee shop equidistant between the airport and our homes. Did I get the forms signed and walk out? Or did I stay, let him buy me coffee & a cake to thank me and have a general catch up for half an hour? Well, I managed the coffee, cake & restrsined myself from having an affair.

If I'd got home & found DH had been checking up on me I'd be furious!

The only way YANBU is if a) there's more that you haven't said, b) your DH is unstrustworthy c) this woman is untrustworthy d) you'd already made dinner.

Another yabu from me. I'd have no problem with my dp doing this, of if he had dinner there. For all we know she could be ordering in a takeaway!
My dp also wouldnt have a problem if it were the other way round.
We each have friends of the opposite sex!
I often go out and have lunch with one of my male friends. My dp has no problem with it, we wouldnt be together if he did ( none of my ex partners have had a problem) as he is my friend. His sex should not make a difference.
Not all blokes think with their cock.
Pj i'm sorry you've had such bad experiences.

No I wouldn't like it, but I am quite jealous by nature

I think it does depend on all the context though. Does DH have form? Does he have a bad case of mentionitis?

The married (male) accountant 3 doors up came down to do my DW's tax return and got dinner AND a bottle of Scotch.

And no, I wasn't present at the time.

GrinAndTonic actually LOL'd at

^Nothing wrong with that.
Unless he has a history of lodging his return where he shouldn't.^

And also basically my sentiments. I often go for coffee and even out to dinner with male friends. Often just the 2 of us. DH doesn't mind in the slightest. As I wouldn't if he had a close enough female friend to do the same. He has male friends who can't understand how men and women can be platonic friends, presumably because they themselves can't do it. I can do it so I presume others can. Unless, of course as Grin so eloquently put it, your DH has form for not only being platonic friends?

It'd be ok with me.
I can't understand this distrustful/jealous/possessive stuff.

As they work together I would expect him to help her at lunchtime. She has obviously said 'oh please come over and help me and I'll cook you dinner'. Is she married ? I don't think I'd be too keen although that's probably as my DH isn't at home / with kids that much as he has a long commute, so I would see it as poor time prioritising at the very least.

don't really like the idea of them spending the evening alone at her house then having a cosy dinner when they could do it during the day

They could indeed "do it during the day", OP and I suspect that this is the fatal flaw in your theory. Infidelity does not require the cloak of darkness.

I also think it might have helped if you'd put a little more thought into your thread title and shared your concerns about your DH's closeness with this woman right from the start. Because this isn't about the rightness and wrongness of all married men to visit the houses of women and, shock horror, eat dinners there but instead, it is about your fears of how your DH might be conducting himself.

I think the having dinner is a bit strange but not the helping with the tax return. I could see my husband doing such a thing with his married female colleague because he also gets on well with her husband and would quite happily have tea with them and their children but if she was single, I think he would offer to go round, have a coffee and say no thanks to having dinner because I would be cooking it. However, I wouldn't waste my time worrying about it either way tbh. If people want to cheat, they will and worrying won't affect it either way. You have to trust your partner otherwise it will drive you mad.

I'm going to go against the grain and say, yes I would be a little bit bothered by this. But it's such a subjective thing. If:

• I had met her before and she and I were friends, but she was closer to DH
• She was in deep trouble with her tax return (i.e. given a last notice of some sort)
• she was old/haggard/not his type...

...I would probably be more okay with it

But if:

• my DH was her go-to person for every problem she had
• If she was his friend and had opportunities to get to know me but didn't
• they texted/called/spent a lot of time together other than this...

my suspicions would be fired up

I don't see a problem with it, but obviously if you think they're a bit close anyway you won't like it. Why do they seem close? Is it because they work together for x hours a day with hardly anybody else? Or do they make an effort to see each other etc.

Mind you, I've just invited a male friend around for dinner because his fiancée's working away for six months and he's feeling a bit lonely without her. I thought it would be a nice way for him to be not on his own for a bit, not an invitation to shag me

Can you go with him? Or is that too stupid for words. Say you have been shopping just call in on way home!

Say you have been shopping just call in on way home!

And are bringing a ready boiled bunny with you?

She has obviously said 'oh please come over and help me and I'll cook you dinner'.

Were you there at the time Janice, earwigging from round the corner?

I would imagine that filling in a tax form requires various paperwork that the woman might not want to lug into work. It probably also takes longer than the half hour most people have as a lunch break.

7 pages and only one post from OP since starting this thread.

Has the assignation meeting to fill in the tax return form already happened OP?

If so, was the meal pre-planned or one of those situations where things took longer than expected so the woman did a meal for them as they were both hungry.

If it has not yet happened why not suggest to your husband that he return home for his dinner. If the colleague wants to do something to say thanks then she can buy a nice bottle of wine for you both to enjoy with your meal when he returns home.

heartisaspade
OP I agree with you. I would not feel happy about it. Despite all the predictable responses from posters who wouldn't have the slightest problem with their husbands sleeping in the same bed as female colleagues, ffs.

I think I missed those responses. Were there many of them?

Just like you feel 'sad for me' and 'sorry for me' for saying 'men think with their cocks'. I feel sorry for those of you that don't think that

Really? How are those of us who have male friends we respect and value, and male colleagues-with whom we interact positively, missing out and deserving of your rather warped sympathy?

I wouldn't be ok with it.

If you believe that your DH is becoming too close to this colleague I think you need to trust your instincts.

I would be OK with that, but I trust my DH and my friends.

So how would you all feel of you were asked not to visit your best friend because your husbands felt that you must be shagging them. and couldn't possibly be helping with something that was your area of expertise?

wouldn't you assume they were judging by their own standards?

or are you all really prepared to dump your friends the second a partner comes along?

So what's your point heart

I said that to clarify that actually it's possible to be in all sorts of situations with men and women and not be having sec with them.

that friends are friends and it's possible to spend time alone within ten feet and not be intimate.

But why are they thinking that?

If they are apparently ok with their husbands being in any other situation with a person, which could and would leave it possible for a sexual encounter to take place if that's how the people were inclined, what do they think will happen in the 6-8 hours where they sleep that wouldn't have already happened?