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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my friend has moved to fast

251 replies

AnotherManicMonday · 28/01/2015 16:05

I have a friend who is also my neighbour I've known her for 2 years and both have DDs that are the same age. We're both single parents but over he last year I have met my now DP.

We're quite open with each other and chat a lot and let the DDs play together. She recently started online dating because she knew it would be difficult to meet anyone in RL. I completely support her if that's what she wanted offered to babysit her DD and do nursery runs ect if she ever needed me too.

Recently she started speaking to a guy online, they've never spoke before so after a week she agreed to meet him and they did she seemed really happy after and it was great to see her so cheery with a smile on her face.she told me she wanted to see him again but would be difficult with her DD I said I'd babysit and she was happy.

2 days after there first date she decided to invite him round her house with her DD there, he stayed over and has been there for the last 5 days with her and her DD. Over the last two days I've heard him shouting and swearing at her DD and now she does the same. This morning I heard him shouting and swearing at the DDS and she was crying then 5 minutes later him telling her DD he loves her and she wouldn't say it back after my friend was prompting her she lost her temper and shouted "say I fucking love you too now"

I feel so bad for my friends little girl having this strange man come into her life when my friend doesn't really no him and to have a strange man shouting and swearing at her Sad Is there anything I can do to help her? She's a beautiful little girl and I'm worried for her

OP posts:
Original poster
AnotherManicMonday · 29/01/2015 20:04

I'm not thinking of myself at all I'm thinking of her child and my own DD! The reprocussions will be massive and I have to put my DD through that. I'm not saying oh thanks for the advice but I'm ignoring it for an easy life I'm saying that I'm going to do something but not call SS myself right now, if I hear anything worrying I'll call 999 straight away. I'm going to report to the nursery tomorrow and as someone suggested I'll call the local health team as well and tip them off, that's something I hadn't even thought of.

I don't think it's fair to say I only care about myself when I'm posting here for advice on the best way to get help for that little girl with out putting my own at risk

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 29/01/2015 20:04

Are you going to wait till the child is killed? FFS, report it now.

Sallystyle · 29/01/2015 20:07

I have been in a similar situation, I understand your fears.

However, calling SS is the only morally acceptable choice to make.

Junebugjr · 29/01/2015 20:10

If that man stays there you will be at risk anyway, if he's the type to be getting frankly unhinged after a week or so, God knows what his past is like.
Report this now while he's just getting his feet under the table and not fully established and a complete fucker to get rid of. If he's a perpetrator it'll be easier to get rid of him in the early stages. Do you want to be living next door to them when the daughter is eventually removed by SS when school gets wind of this.
The best thing you can do to ensure the safety of yourself and this family is by informing the authorities.

Nancy66 · 29/01/2015 20:13

is the child's father on the scene? Could you talk to him about your concerns?

newmummy2015 · 29/01/2015 20:14

You need to ring, things can escalate very quickly

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 29/01/2015 20:16

I'm unsure what you mean by putting your DD at risk. What are you afraid of happening, OP?

It sounds very worrying indeed. It's put a knot in my stomach just reading this.

Seriouslyffs · 29/01/2015 20:17

You're loving the drama aren't you OP?Hmm
Shouting- swearing- bed sharing- not accepting your invitation- not going to nursery.
Call SS and call the police if you hear a peep out of them again.

Original poster
AnotherManicMonday · 29/01/2015 20:19

The father isn't about he's never had a relationship with the DD through his choice

He looks rough and I no my friend has a sister and brother both with short tempers who wouldn't think twice about sorting this out themselves weather it's smashing my windows or damaging my car or outright kicking off outside my front door so that worries me and it's okay for everyone to say call the police but if my car gets damage it's proving it and if it's my windows then again prove it

OP posts:
Original poster
AnotherManicMonday · 29/01/2015 20:19

Wow seriously? Yeh I'm loving the drama Biscuit

OP posts:
DancingDinosaur · 29/01/2015 20:22

Please give her details to ssd now. Seriously, this has red flags all over it. If something happens, and it might well do, sooner than you think, then how will you live with that? That child cannot protect herself, as a responsible adult you have a moral duty to do that. Please do it, you could ring the duty social worker tonight and pass the info on.

Fabulous46 · 29/01/2015 20:31

Give me the bloody address and I'll report them as you're clearly going to leave a child in a very risky situation. PM me and I'll do it FFS! Personally I couldn't have lived next door hearing the verbal abuse this man is giving to a child. How anyone can listen to that is beyond my comprehension.

natureplantar101 · 29/01/2015 20:31

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natureplantar101 · 29/01/2015 20:32

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caker · 29/01/2015 20:38

If you're frightened for your DD imagine how frightened the little girl is feeling.

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 29/01/2015 20:43

natureplantar I suggest you learn how to properly use the word 'your' before berating other people on spelling.

ThePrincessBride · 29/01/2015 20:46

Just finished reading the thread. OP are you ok? I know you are scared. I understand that you have good reason to be.

If you made the call to SS why would your neighbour think it was you? Others will have noticed no nursery, new man etc. Could they not have heard the shouting and swearing? It could have been anyone that phoned.
You can make this call and say why you don't want to be named, block your number before you phone SS.

Then carry on as normal with your neighbour and keep at her to see her and the little one. Just act normally.
Would that not work rather than speaking to the nursery? x

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 29/01/2015 20:47

OP, is there someone you can call to stay with you while you call someone?

You could explain your situation to the SS and your concerns for your safety. Explain that even though technically your report will be 'anonymous' it will be very obvious that it is you, and that you're frightened of the ramifications.

cozietoesie · 29/01/2015 20:48

Have you spoken to your DP about this?

Oh - and why on earth should you think that your neighbour's brother and sister would take anything out on you ? I would have thought that they might be far more likely to phone Child Protection themselves if they thought that their sister and niece were at risk from a new man.

Dalfie · 29/01/2015 20:56

I am a long time lurker but I've just signed up as I felt I needed to write a comment...

OP please, please, please don't sit by and wait for these incidents to escalate before you call SS. In the minutes, hours and days you wait to hear something through the walls this poor little girl could be being hurt. Your neighbours daughter is the same age as your DD. Please think for a moment how your child acts when she is scared or frightened...this little girl is most likely terrified and at present has nobody to protect her - you are her only hope right now. Please put aside your worries of how this affects yourself and your DD - cars, windows and homes can be replaced, a young innocent child's life cannot.

PatioPonderer · 29/01/2015 21:00

What massive repercussions will your dd have to go through?

bloodyteenagers · 29/01/2015 21:18

If you was thinking of her and her xD you would make that call. You say you are thinking of them, but clearly you aren't. If you were thinking of them you would want them save and away from an abuser.
Like it or not he is.
There are huge red flags that things have quickly escalated because that girl is now being hidden... You have to ask how bad are the injuries..

Cocobop · 29/01/2015 21:46

I understand what you're saying in terms of repercussions and you have to live there. It goes against the grain to call SS on a friend.

But reading your thread, something is seriously wrong here. You don't move in with someone immediately and then change your behaviour so drastically. The little girl needs to be safe and don't think she is from reading your posts.

Call SS, please call them and stop worrying about what might or might not happen to you and your DD. Call the police anonymously, call SS anonymously. Deny it was you. Don't give any info that will identify you, just say you are very concerned the little girl is in danger.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/01/2015 21:49

It is the hiding of her dd which is really concerning. What are they hiding from people. There may be I juries in the girl that they don't want people to see.

Rinoachicken · 29/01/2015 21:58

It does sound like the little girl is being 'hidden' which is horrifying when you then think why that might be.

Call SS. You MUST.

And if anything happens repercussions wise just call the police, repeatedly if necessary. And when they attend they will contact SS anyway automatically because a child is in the house.

The more calls the better in my opinion. ANYTHING to get the spotlight shining on whatever hell that little girl might be living in right now.

When you tuck your daughter safely up to bed at night, when you bake and paint with her, just stop and wonder what is happening to that other little girl on the other side of the wall.

MAKE THE CALL

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