AIBU to think my friend has moved to fast

[AnotherManicMonday]

I have a friend who is also my neighbour I've known her for 2 years and both have DDs that are the same age. We're both single parents but over he last year I have met my now DP.

We're quite open with each other and chat a lot and let the DDs play together. She recently started online dating because she knew it would be difficult to meet anyone in RL. I completely support her if that's what she wanted offered to babysit her DD and do nursery runs ect if she ever needed me too.

Recently she started speaking to a guy online, they've never spoke before so after a week she agreed to meet him and they did she seemed really happy after and it was great to see her so cheery with a smile on her face.she told me she wanted to see him again but would be difficult with her DD I said I'd babysit and she was happy.

2 days after there first date she decided to invite him round her house with her DD there, he stayed over and has been there for the last 5 days with her and her DD. Over the last two days I've heard him shouting and swearing at her DD and now she does the same. This morning I heard him shouting and swearing at the DDS and she was crying then 5 minutes later him telling her DD he loves her and she wouldn't say it back after my friend was prompting her she lost her temper and shouted "say I fucking love you too now"

I feel so bad for my friends little girl having this strange man come into her life when my friend doesn't really no him and to have a strange man shouting and swearing at her Is there anything I can do to help her? She's a beautiful little girl and I'm worried for her

Please just ring SS or NSPCC. You don't have to say a word to the friend. And they are v savvy about investigation so it won't be obvious it's you.
I am gasping at how worrying this is. What are you waiting for, exactly?

Please do it! x

This is very disturbing. Please do something to protect this child. Phone SS now.

This is so sad & upsetting. If this man has already shown this level of aggressive behaviour within the first week, goodness knows how bad things might get.

Even more worrying that the mother is happy to accept this man being abusive to her daughter after knowing him for all of 5 minutes. A decent man would not speak to a child like that & if you don't act, things could get a lot worse very quickly.

I desperately want to do something to help her I just want to go the best way around it. She'll know it was me and I still have to live here but the little girl comes first.

Another thing that's driving me absolutely mental is the music. The last few days it's been horrendous when there's never been problems before. Sometimes either one has been noisy but no bother but this morning it started at 8:50 waking my DD up and it's back on now. I no this is petty and irrelevant but it's driving me crazy

This sounds wrong on so many levels. Please save that child before anything happens. Something is not right. The bed sharing is not healthy either. Your friend going quiet is not a good sign too. If you can recode it please do. If she wants to hate you, let her but at list you will have a clear conscience for saving a child's life. Call ss. Get some evidence please.

Over the last two days I've heard him shouting and swearing at her DD and now she does the same.

this was the point it went wrong.

Call SS - who gives a FUCK what she thinks about who called - her kids NEED YOU TO HELP

Oh you really need to speak to her and inform that this kind of behaviour is out of order.
I get that mom is lonely and needing a bloke in her life, but at what price?
Very unhealthy especially this early on in their relationship.
Tell her to get her shit together or will have to call SS.

I'm just looking on the nspcc website and see what advice I can find

Record her.
Call the police. It's then on record with them too.
Call SS.
If you know there are other family members around tell them.

Red flag signs everywhere.

Your friend is not a lovely person she is a cow who allows a virtual stranger to come into her house and verbally abuse her child. Not only this but she joins in.

Call social services.

I appreciate what Hissy says about not caring if you are identified, but you need to protect your own daughter too, and not start a situation that is going to be unpleasant for her to live in the midst of. This has to be reported, but please do it anonymously.

Call social services. The loud music could be used to cover up further abuse whether it be verbal or physical. Please call now.

Can you record it?

Op I sympathise I really do I had an EX friend like this she went from one man to enough, split with the dad, went to someone else hours later, split from him a year later and as she said "would rather be miserable with someone then Alone" did online dating and everyone she met in the 3/4 months met her child despite me telling her not to. It was about 7 men in total all lasting a week or two that's kids had more men in the past two years then you would think.

I know it can be hard and I met my DP on POF he didn't even get my phone number till after 4 weeks and I didn't meet him till another 4 weeks and that was without my DS!

I'd report her to SS I really would unfortunately for the child she another "DP" who doesn't see his own kid and I haven't seen her since. I don't speak to her anymore but she was like your friend op shouting, swearing, this kid knew when he started to cry to leave the room because she'd tell him to get out.

Please do something OP it may be your only chance

Wow your walls must be paper thin, good job though in this instance! Can you do any background checks on this guy, do you have his full name? You could find out if he's been inside for instance.

It's tough because ideally you'd talk to her, but if he's always there you just can't. With that in mind I definitely suggest ringing SS or at least the NSPCC for advice.
Poor kid

WHAT?! My goodness, you must call SS. This is really awful. That poor child.

How would she react if you tell her that you'll call ss if she doesn't kick him out? Might it shock her into action?

I don't know his full name so can't do any searches myself.

I'm tempted to message her next time I hear him shout like is everything okay I've heard a man shouting and your DD upset and see what she says

Don't message her.

All that does is give her (someone happy to shout and swear at her DD) and him a chance to make sure whatever they do, they do it quieter.

do you know his full name if so you could go to the police and ask if hes got a violent past

OP can you see if he's on Facebook, Twitter or anything like that, does your mate have a page that he might be tagged on? Or can you find details of his online dating persona from the site where your mate met him?

I'm just thinking that any information would be helpful if you need to call SS.

That sounds like a good idea.

The only thing I'd be worried about is if they stop shouting and start getting physical or telling her not to cry etc

Could you text and ask her when he's not going to be in as you'd like to see them both? or offer to have her DD whilst they have a night off or for a couple of hours and talk to her?

Please don't just dither on here and then convince yourself it will all be fine.

I'm going to ring NSPCC tonight for advice tonight when my own DD is in bed and I'm going to message her saying my friend is taking her DD bowling tomorrow and I I honk her DD would enjoy it so would she mind me taking her my treat and gives the kids a chance to play

What do you think?

Another that sounds lovely.

Will you be able to see if she overly happy to be with you or if she's unhappy if you pick her up?

Would you be able to ask light questions about him, I.e is he nice, do they have fun etc? Without her getting suspicious?