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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my friend has moved to fast

251 replies

AnotherManicMonday · 28/01/2015 16:05

I have a friend who is also my neighbour I've known her for 2 years and both have DDs that are the same age. We're both single parents but over he last year I have met my now DP.

We're quite open with each other and chat a lot and let the DDs play together. She recently started online dating because she knew it would be difficult to meet anyone in RL. I completely support her if that's what she wanted offered to babysit her DD and do nursery runs ect if she ever needed me too.

Recently she started speaking to a guy online, they've never spoke before so after a week she agreed to meet him and they did she seemed really happy after and it was great to see her so cheery with a smile on her face.she told me she wanted to see him again but would be difficult with her DD I said I'd babysit and she was happy.

2 days after there first date she decided to invite him round her house with her DD there, he stayed over and has been there for the last 5 days with her and her DD. Over the last two days I've heard him shouting and swearing at her DD and now she does the same. This morning I heard him shouting and swearing at the DDS and she was crying then 5 minutes later him telling her DD he loves her and she wouldn't say it back after my friend was prompting her she lost her temper and shouted "say I fucking love you too now"

I feel so bad for my friends little girl having this strange man come into her life when my friend doesn't really no him and to have a strange man shouting and swearing at her Sad Is there anything I can do to help her? She's a beautiful little girl and I'm worried for her

OP posts:
Vivacia · 01/02/2015 13:37

I can see where such posters are coming from though Parsley. This little girl is sleeping in a bed with this strange man and has her mother shouting "Fucking tell him you love him" at her. It's difficult to read, "but I'm worried about my car getting scratched".

Hopefully the OP has found a way that safe-guards this girl whilst not attracting attention to herself. I'm fairly confident that she has. OP if you are challenged by your friend or her new boyfriend, I would claim that Social Services knocked on your door as a matter of routine after they'd had a report from elsewhere. You asked who, but they refused to tell you.

Vivacia · 01/02/2015 13:39

I would also rather give any concerns anonymously;

Yes, absolutely. But for a time it looked as though she wasn't even going to do that. Initially OP was persuaded to report but then wouldn't tell them the name or address, which was as good as doing nothing.

Parsley1234 · 01/02/2015 13:59

I completely get where the posters are coming from too vivacia and it is really hard to read that awful abuse however I have seen first hand what happens when situations get out of control and result in an unbelievable backlash of retaliation which will not help the op and although in an ideal world there Wd be protection from police ss etc sadly that might not be the case. The op has done the best thing for her family while trying to help the little girl next door. Heartbreaking

Aeroflotgirl · 01/02/2015 14:57

Yes I do totally agree putmbi. Op has said that her friend and partner would take it out on op if they found out who it was. It çoukd be a brick through the window, house being torched with op,and her family inside. Meanwhile she will be on tender hooks waiting to see what will happen to her and her dd.

Vivacia · 01/02/2015 15:05

She would only need to be on tenterhooks if she disclosed her identity. This was not a choice between choosing her daughter's potential safety or this girl's actual safety. It was a choice between doing nothing or taking some action (anonymous or otherwise).

Aeroflotgirl · 01/02/2015 15:17

At least she took action, it now in the hands of the professionals to follow that up.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/02/2015 15:18

No of course she needed to disclose to professionals, no two ways about it, but it's her right to keep anonymous.

ptumbi · 03/02/2015 09:16

manic has there been any news?

Original poster
AnotherManicMonday · 03/02/2015 15:54

Nothing that I've heard of as of yet I no her little girl is back in nursery though

OP posts:
sockmatcher · 04/02/2015 12:57

OP please ring your local children's service. Raise concerns anon if you must. Don't rely on nursery!

Livvylongpants · 05/02/2015 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
AnotherManicMonday · 06/02/2015 12:07

The last day or two she has been overly nice to her DD and then this morning on the way back from the nursery run I bumped into her and Apparently someone had reported her and she's had visits from SS she didn't want to give any details and I'm not sure if she believed my shocked reaction until she said that they've mentioned they want to talk with me as her neighbour to ask me some questions so I'm not sure what that means if they no it was me and want more information or just want to ask if no anything but she refused to give them my contact number and when I asked for the name of who I need to speak to she wouldn't give t me said she was busy and would sort t out later but I don't think she will

OP posts:
DialsMavis · 06/02/2015 12:12

Would SS just ask the person they were investigating to pass on a message or to give someone's details? Surely they would come and see you themselves? I would be wary OP that doesn't seem to add up to me.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/02/2015 12:18

That's good. I am glad ss are in their case, you have definitely done the right thing.

Original poster
AnotherManicMonday · 06/02/2015 12:22

I imagine they will come to see me if she doesn't give me any information to contact them but I don't no, I hVe no idea how situations like this work.

She seems to be nervous about what she was saying (which isn't like her) and she didn't want to give me any details when I asked questions but since yesterday I've heard her screaming laughing and playing with her DD (unusual) and calling her pet names like mummy's princess and just over over friend ply when she's not that type at all so not sure if it was for my benefit or her DDs or to make herself feel better

OP posts:
CrapBag · 06/02/2015 12:23

That seems very strange. Surely SS wouldn't expect the person they are investigating get the pass the message to her neighbour.

I reckon she's trying to suss out if it was you who reported her. Be careful.

CrapBag · 06/02/2015 12:25

I'd say it's for your benefit. Odd sudden turn around in how she is treating her dd. That poor girl probably doesn't know if she's coming or going.

Is that man still there?

Original poster
AnotherManicMonday · 06/02/2015 12:30

I think she defiantly suspects me but if they have said they want to talk to me she'll be panicking why but she won't want to accuse me yet because she'll want me to tell me them I've never heard anything and she's great ect...

Once I've spoken to them then it's time to be worried Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
AnotherManicMonday · 06/02/2015 12:30

Yeh he's still there Hmm

OP posts:
Number3cometome · 06/02/2015 12:31

Social Services would never ask for the neighbours details, she is doing this for your benefit.

Stick to your guns, even if you lose a friend over this, you may well be saving that little girls' life.

Original poster
AnotherManicMonday · 06/02/2015 12:38

If they haven't asked why would she say that to me? There's nothing she could possibly get from that Hmm so strange it's making me nervous

OP posts:
Number3cometome · 06/02/2015 12:42

If they haven't asked why would she say that to me? There's nothing she could possibly get from that hmm so strange it's making me nervous

She's sounding you out to see if you were the one who told them.
They would never rat you out.

FYI i've been with my Oh for over a year, he is not the father of my two children, however he is a father figure to them. We have lived together for 6 months (many may say that was rushed!) but we are very much in love and are expecting our own child in July.
If he ever spoke to my children like that he would be out of that door quicker than he could say "WTF!"

You do not let anyone treat your children like that, I can understand we are all short tempered with our kids some times, but there are other ways of dealing with issues than swearing at children and making them feel pressured in to loving someone.

As for the sharing the bed thing? NO NO NO NO NO!!
The very most my DD does is come in for a hug in the morning, we had several 'attempts' of her getting in to bed with us in the early days, and each time we redirected her back to her own bed!! (DD is 7)

There should be some clear warning signs to Mum here, and it sounds like she is putting OH over her own children.

Is the Dad on the scene? what does he think about this all?

(sorry only just started on this thread and playing catch up)

WyldChyld · 06/02/2015 12:42

Another - I wanted to add that I think you have handled this in the best and most appropriate manner possible. Ignore those shouting about blood on your hands - this is an issue of child protection and there are two children needing protection. Yes, your NDN's little girl needs protecting but so does yours. It's ridiculous to suggest that you put yourself in actual danger to help this child - if anything, you run the risk of not only injury to yourself and your DD but if SS find nothing, leaving her totally isolated and alone. Congratulations on dealing with this in such a positive manner, particularly in the face of hysteria.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/02/2015 13:23

I would keep schtum, if SS wanted to contact you, they have their means. I hope SS visits have given her a massive kick up the backside.

Original poster
AnotherManicMonday · 06/02/2015 17:04

They couldn't rat me out because they don't know that it was me that called the nursery thankfully so that's one thing I don't have to worry about

OP posts: