to ask mums of toddlers not to use screens in places that aren't appropriate.

[getoffmybramblepatch]

I went out for a meal with dh yesterday without our children. We do take them out for meals often and our 20 month old is usually really well behaved because he has been taught to be. If he ever does get impatient we just talk to him at a level appropriate for the dinner table and maybe give him some colouring in to do or have a game of I spy.
either way, we try to communicate with him to keep him calm and we'll behaved at all times, for our own sanity as much as everyone else's.

Yesterday we were enjoying our child free meal until a family arrived at a table on the other side of the room and a child of about the same age wouldn't settle. Nothing was said to this child.. No discipline, no chat, the first line to come from mum and dad was "here, watch pepper pig". Out comes the tablet and on comes pepper pig so loud to the point where I can't hear myself think. It would have been quieter if we had stayed at home with our dc and this is usually a nice place.
I've seen it happen a lot lately, and pepper pig seems to be programme of choice. Aibu to think that I don't give a toss about the rod you are making for your own backs, but to let these parents know how irritating it is when this is your first resort in places that have etiquette?

I spy at 20 months! Gifted and talented!

Sugarfree my DS doesn't understand being patient either. He's almost 2.
Cooking dinner whilst he waits for it is the single most stressful point of my day!

We are all just doing our best aren't we? And its fucking hard.

OP just revel in the fact that your DS behaves beautifully in a restaurant, other parents are not that lucky.

Wait another year and see if your child is just as well behaved! YANBU to be irritated by the noise but if you are old enough to have a child, then you should be old enough to know not to make snap judgements when you are not in possession of all the facts.

I am with you OP.

I hear what others say about tablets having their uses, but it wasn't something we ever did (didn't have a tablet when they were toddlers). I do remember working bloody hard when DS1 (normally very easy) was that age. Once I went to a fairly snooty restaurant in France. I wanted to go to unpretentious place, but Dad fancied the posh one. For me it was very un relaxing, but for Dad and other diners, they were un disturbed by DS. Between courses we spent a lot of time exploring the street outside. Now they are older (8&10) I expect them to behave and contribute to conversation at meals. And they generally do. If it is late or the meal is going on a long time, the iPad might be allowed, but on silent.

Maybe I am smug, but it as worked for me and the boys are generally v well behaved.

COMPLETELY agree OP.

It is lazy parenting.

Many toddlers of today will grow up attention deficit because they are used to being stimulated by social media.

What social skills are these parents role modelling by giving them screens to occupy them for a meal out?

A meal out is a perfect time to teach your child boundaries for behaviour.

I have never done it with my two DC and it irritates the feck out of me being subjected to kiddy apps/ game noises when we go out for a meal.

Lumping all parents who give their children tablets when in restaurants together as lazy parents with 'attention deficit' children, is just lazy thinking. There are all sorts of reasons and circumstances where giving your child a tablet to play on quietly during a meal, is a perfectly valid thing to do, and, more importantly, none of anyone else's fecking business.

A meal out is a perfect time to teach your child boundaries for behaviour.

I disagree. A meal in the privacy of your own home is the perfect time to teach your child boundaries for behaviour. You shouldn't inflict your "untrained" child on the public until you are reasonably sure they can behave.

I probably would have been inclined to agree that it's a bit crap to just go giving a child a gadget to keep them quiet, especially in a restaurant.

But your cocky attitude towards your superior parenting has got my back up and now makes me think you're just being very judgemental.

Your child is not well behaved because you have taught him to, he is like that because that's his nature.

I have 2 children who are complete opposites and I can hand on heart say that I have patented them the exact same way.
My 5 yo DS is hyperactive, can't sit still in a restaurant, he'll run around, torment his sister, climbs under the table. It's awful.
My 2 yo DD on the other hand, is a little angel, she'll happily sit colouring in and happily entertain us by just being funny and cute. Good as gold, and everybody always comments on how good she is (especially when DS isn't with us).
DD is not better than DS because I've taught her but not taught DS, they've just got different personalities.
You can't compare children.

You also can't judge parents from a tiny snippet you've seen. We all have bad days from time to time and sometimes we'll give in and give them something or do something we wouldn't normally.

I'd suggest u get off your high horse before u fall off n do yourself an injury.

willferrel I don't know how to quote your last post but it's exactly where I'm coming from. It being a last resort and that you can't really expect those kids to grow up with table manners but maybe that's because I do find adults glued to phones and tablets at dinner tables really rude too. Again though, a personal opinion.
No I don't think I spy is perfect or competitive parenting at all. And yes I was erked and wanting to vent and making a judgement that I shouldn't have but the amount of people that have been quick to judge me on here for my parenting styles? How can I be too judgemental but it's ok to slate me. Playing I spy was just an example but the point I was making was that I really try talking and engaging with him on his level no matter what that is. And no its not particularly advanced. I don't know how talking to your child at the dinner table can be described as pushy look at me competitive perfect parenting??
Really, I'm demonstrating to him that it's a place for conversation. That's the second meal we have ever had out without him but we have had countless meals where he's been with us and nobody would call me a competitive person if I was sat talking to a friend, my husband, parents or grandparents but because it's a baby it makes me smug and competitive.
I would much rather see children laughing and chatting in restraunts than watching TV. I don't care if they are drawing on a tablet or doing something else, each to their own but my point is about what's actually good manners or not and that is about volume and I don't know on what plannet people can say they would rather watch kids watching TV in a restaurant than talking with their parents. How else are they supposed to learn? How else are they supposed to observe that you behave differently in a restaurant or church to what you would in a park or at home?

It is lazy parenting.

but is it when all you see is a snapshot. I had a weekend in London and as we were staying in a hotel we had no choice but to eat out, due to the different diets I have to deal with, vegetarian, coeliac then eating at somewhere like burger king as a pp suggested isn't possible. One day consisted of a visit to the science museum then a trip to the V&A we stopped for a meal before heading to the theatre in the evening, during the meal my youngest was allowed her screen with headphones simply because she needed down time, she needed to relax and the meal was the least intense part of our day. My child was taught plenty of boundaries for behaviour while at the museum, gallery and theatre however on that one tiny snapshot I would have been judged a lazy parent.

Some children cannot cope with being talked to in a restaurant. They might at home but a restaurant is different. You would not know by looking who they are.

A meal in the privacy of your own home is the perfect time to teach your child boundaries for behaviour. You shouldn't inflict your "untrained" child on the public until you are reasonably sure they can behave.

Bloody hell, we would never leave the house!!

lambsie makes a good point.

each to their own

I agree with this bit, OP.

How can I be too judgemental but it's ok to slate me.

When you make judgy comments about mothers you leave yourself open to judgment in return, which is fair enough. judge not lest ye be judged

Bloody hell, we would never leave the house!!

My point was that you shouldn't use a restaurant as a training ground for a badly behaved toddler. You should be reasonably confident of being able to contain them before inflicting them on others, be that with a screen, paper or anything else.

Community parenting at it's best

However, I will say, that even though my DS is an absolute pain in the bum in restaurants, I've never given him a tablet or phone to play on because I personally don't like them at the table and I think he needs to just learn how to behave.
But that's how I chose to raise my kids, if others decide differently then I wouldn't judge.

Wow, OP, in the past week, your child has aged 2 months and you've got married. I guess congratulations are in order.

soupdragon but eating at home and in a restaurant are completely different.
DS for example is great at home but he gets giddy when we go out.
So we shouldn't take him? Why not? Just because there's a chance he might annoy people? Bullshit! If we want to take him out then that's our choice.
He isn't always bad, sometimes he's fine, other times he's a pain in the arse.

I would be a little worried about a 20 month year old who is so passive as to not be interested in the world around him when out (which is why kids want to get down from chairs, pick up cutlery, generally do things that others consider annoying). Restaurants are very interesting places - smells, sounds, new people, bustle. This should inspire a curious child, and then steps need to be taken for a reasonable amount of containment so the rest of the family can eat. I Spy at 20 months? Colouring in for more than 30 seconds (and not all over the table because of the big sweepy motions that only little hands can do)? Hmmm....

ouryve

Wow, OP, in the past week, your child has aged 2 months and you've got married. I guess congratulations are in order.

Actually from what I can see her child has changed sex, become younger and she's got married.
Amazing

OP please,NEVER approach anyone to do with anything re. their children's behaviour.

If you had asked for volume to be turnd down ,you would likely have been threatened with 'a bunch of fives',told to F- off,or be embroiled in a really nasty scene.

We just suck it all up and leave as soon as possible.