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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask mums of toddlers not to use screens in places that aren't appropriate.

266 replies

getoffmybramblepatch · 28/01/2015 07:23

I went out for a meal with dh yesterday without our children. We do take them out for meals often and our 20 month old is usually really well behaved because he has been taught to be. If he ever does get impatient we just talk to him at a level appropriate for the dinner table and maybe give him some colouring in to do or have a game of I spy.
either way, we try to communicate with him to keep him calm and we'll behaved at all times, for our own sanity as much as everyone else's.

Yesterday we were enjoying our child free meal until a family arrived at a table on the other side of the room and a child of about the same age wouldn't settle. Nothing was said to this child.. No discipline, no chat, the first line to come from mum and dad was "here, watch pepper pig". Out comes the tablet and on comes pepper pig so loud to the point where I can't hear myself think. It would have been quieter if we had stayed at home with our dc and this is usually a nice place.
I've seen it happen a lot lately, and pepper pig seems to be programme of choice. Aibu to think that I don't give a toss about the rod you are making for your own backs, but to let these parents know how irritating it is when this is your first resort in places that have etiquette?

OP posts:
fermerswife · 28/01/2015 09:52

Gosh is my 18 month must be really behind...I can't imagine him being able to play I spy in a few months time! lol You're very lucky to have such a well behaved intelligent child!

You do sound a little bit unreasonble as you come across a bit I'm a perfect parent but I do agree with some of your sentiments, some parents do tend to turn to screens too quickly these days (although I will bring out my iphone if all else fails) and that they should have kept the volume down but I'm afraid there's not much you can do about it. Some day your little one might throw an almighty tantrum and it will annoy other diners, that's life with children!

BrendaBlackhead · 28/01/2015 09:53

My dcs were always brilliantly behaved in restaurants - simply because they had enormous appetites. They were quite happy to sit for hours and chow down on absolutely any cuisine. This is pure luck and I know that if you have a restless, picky toddler your chance of a quiet meal is zero.

I don't like to see kids glued to devices at all times. I couldn't help noticing recently a girl in (ahem) a River Cottage restaurant and she was just slumped over an iPad and was stabbing at her food with a fork whilst lolling over the table. This girl was about 10 or 11 and if this had been dd I would have skinned her.

Keeping kids quiet with devices is necessary sometimes, though, but having the sound on is not acceptable.

HighwayDragon · 28/01/2015 09:54

I do this with dd, but it's my little pony and she has headphones. Do I win something?

Nocturne123 · 28/01/2015 09:55

You're right treacle . In my case we had eaten .. VERY quickly and then left . Maybe get it to take away ?? Oh I can't wait for the day I can enjoy a dinner out again with my whole family.

kaymondo · 28/01/2015 10:00

Just wondering how OP is going to cope if she has a DC2 who suddenly makes her realise that her well behaved DC1 was nothing to do with her obviously superior parenting but just luck of the draw in terms of temperament. Might not be so smug when number 2 is running riot and doesn't give a shit about playing eye spy!

I agree that the volume was a problem but you just come across as sanctimonious.

Willferrellisactuallykindahot · 28/01/2015 10:00

I do think it should be more of a 'last resort' than a first though - surely it's worth at least trying to get kids used to sitting nicely in a restaurant without watching TV....

Yes, this. I know quite a few adults who can't seem to get through a meal in a restaurant without constantly checking their phones (so.damn.rude), so I don't hold out much hope for the kids who have been raised practically from birth to always have the distraction of some form of screen when eating out.

JaniceJoplin · 28/01/2015 10:00

We have 1 perfectly behaved one and 1 wild one. I dare say, we have more problems with the perfectly behaved one as she lacks confidence. Sometimes the behaviours that are much desired as small children are actually not what helps you best in life.

I say just choose your restaurant venue well and let them be themselves.

MissYamabuki · 28/01/2015 10:05

It's Peppa Pig

KatoPotato · 28/01/2015 10:08

Oh dear OP. I'm afraid you're getting quite a pasting here, but that's down to you coming across a bit - dare I say it - smug?

Your DS sounds a delight, mines was too at that age and he also had a broad understanding of shapes, colours etc and yes we would play I spy etc from an early age we also had an iPad, with flash card games and drawing apps. But you need to realise this is very much the exception and not the rule at this age and has nothing to do with parenting as such. You're very fortunate he seems to have a good understanding and is happy for now to sit and be amused. Enjoy the peace but mind your own business, everyone out there is just trying to get by in their own way without the critical eye of others.

Enjoy your DS. He sounds lovely. But stay alert you too may have a day that you have to remove in a rugby ball carry from a themed tea room...

PrimalLass · 28/01/2015 10:10

They should absolutely not have the sound on in public. My children either have earphones or the sound off.

noddyholder · 28/01/2015 10:10

I would find that irritating but I think a restaurant is an expensive treat and probably wouldn't want screens full stop but I am old and grumpy! If my child wanted to look at a screen I'd prob take them to burger king or somewhere until they were older as I eat out loads and see kids just really mucking about because its boring to them and eating is just food not an event. Mind you I have no idea what peppa pig is

Jackiebrambles · 28/01/2015 10:11

:-D at 20 month old playing iSpy!

WorkingBling · 28/01/2015 10:12

What's making me laugh on this thread is OP saying, "AIBU to ask that screens be put away in inappropriate places." Unanimously she's been told that yes, she IBU although general consensus is also that she is NBU in terms of the issue with volume. And yet she keeps coming back to repeat endlessly that she is right. I do love a good AIBU thread sometimes.

And I agree with a PP, the real problem is that we all eat out with young children way more than we used to. I was left at home with a babysitter while my parents took my older siblings out. I was only allowed to eat out with them from when I was about 7 or 8 at best and we certainly didn't go anywhere even vaguely nice until I was a teenager. Sometimes i wish we could do the same now but a) who can afford a babysitter? and b) I like popping out to pizza express with DS and friends and if after a while he needs a tablet (on low or no sound) to keep him entertained, so be it.

SewingAndCakes · 28/01/2015 10:12

Lucky you for having a child who will sit and colour and play I spy. Must be nice for your meals out to be calm and enjoyable.

My oldest uses his ipad (with the sound off) when we have a rare meal out. He has ASD so can find eating out stressful and used to act "naughty" as a way of displacing the anxiety he felt. We wondered why colouring books/games weren't working and thought it was our fault as parents. It caused us a lot of stress and contributed to my depression. It is not our fault at all.

I completely agree that the sound is irritating and it should be muted/headphones used. I don't think it's fair to criticise any parents for using screens. Just because mobile devices are relatively new it doesn't mean they are automatically less educational or worthy than paper and crayons.

Lifesalemon · 28/01/2015 10:17

I'd be as annoyed by the look at me im perfect parents at the next table ruining my meal by playing effing I spy. And I can't believe you could hear an ipad to that level of noise across the room in a public place, if you could then mine obviously has a faulty volume control.

Jackiebrambles · 28/01/2015 10:19

Yeah the sound was the issue. If it was that loud it might have been bothering others so a quiet word to the waiter would have done the trick I'm sure.

I'd also prefer a child quietly watching a tablet (or colouring, whatever) than screaming blue murder and disturbing my lunch that way.

My almost 2 year old generally behaves well when we eat out, because he's nosy and likes looking at other people. But this is absolutely nothing we have done, just pure dumb luck.

yellowdinosauragain · 28/01/2015 10:21

I think the op is getting an uneccessarily hard time tbh. I could have written her op about how delightful my 20 month old ds1 behaved in public, smugly patting myself on the back at how good he was because we'd parented him so well. Then along came ds2 and I realised that luck has just as big a part to play if not more so.

No need to be quite so rude to her. Does that make you feel good about yourselves? It's simply a different type of smug, this 'oh how deluded are you, you'll learn when he's older / you have another one who's a brat'. Smug that you've been through it and know better.

The other family were antisocial twats for having peppa pig on at top volume in public.

The op is perhaps being a little smug, but can be forgiven because she doesn't know any better and to be fair her ds, at the moment, sounds like a lovely well behaved little boy.

No need to piss on her chips

Offler · 28/01/2015 10:23

The last time we went out for lunch with DS (2.5) we (me & DP) had to eat in shifts. He ate half of his while I wandered around outside, then we swapped, so I got half of mine and so on...We had tried crayons / pens, toys, ipod (games and train videos) and nothing worked. He just wanted to run around (sob).

I can barely get him to sit down at home sometimes, he either wants to sit on our laps or just not bother!! Mind you, a recent breakthough is to sit in 'mummy's chair' with 'mummy's knife and fork' and I am ousted...

DD was never like this, she would colour, play quietly etc. (she might not eat, but she did sit...)

chemenger · 28/01/2015 10:29

I really find it odd that someone can be annoyed by another family playing i-spy on their own table minding their own business (I don't know the effing version, maybe it is louder). How can a simple game of i-spy be seen as showing off? It doesn't involve raised voices, it would not be noticeably different from conversation, they are not asking you to join in. What are people meant to do with their families then to avoid being pretentious of "look at me I'm perfect"? When we played it it was most certainly not to attract the attention of admiring bystanders, pretending not to get that "t" is for table before a 4 year old is not my finest intellectual hour.

Sugarfreeriot · 28/01/2015 10:29

I agree they shouldn't have put Peppa pig on full blast but using a tablet as a technique to keep your child entertained whilst waiting for there food in a restaurant is fine.
I use a tablet to entertain dd ONLY when I go to restaurants to keep those without children happy.
It's either that or a toddler who screams to get out of her seat or throws pens, pencils and colouring pads on the floor. My child is VERY loud, Louder than any tablet and I bet you those parents use the tablet so they don't get the dirty looks from "better parents" that have "taught" there children how to sit sensibly, have a little conversation and neatly do a little drawing whilst waiting for their food and of course those who don't have children with them and are out for a peaceful meal.
You can't really win here, at home my child sits and waits for dinner and I am in the process of trying to get her to understand that she needs to wait patiently but whilst I'm out I use a tablet to stop her ruining other peoples dinner.
I'm either the rubbish mum who hadn't taught her child properly or the crap mum who sticks her child infront of a screen instead of socialising with her.

Aberchips · 28/01/2015 10:30

What's wrong with politely asking them to turn it down?

I don't think it is unreasonable to use a screen/phone to keep your child amused whilst in a restaurant. What would you rather? That the child was screaming & shouting & climbing all over the table to amuse him/herself? Kids are kids, they don't always understand the need for sitting still & being quiet - why would they? It's boring when you're 2 & there are more interesting things to do!

Unidentifieditem · 28/01/2015 10:30

It is lazy parenting. Welcome to the modern world sadly.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 28/01/2015 10:41

how funny not read through but there was a thread recently critising toddler with screen and headphones that was cruel apparently.

Some children are more advanced in certain areas than others at different stages, funnily enough as they tend to be human, and we are all different.

I could not play 1 spy at 20 months as my toddler cant speak or play it.

Op when your having your special time with your toddler I really hope your voice level is also acceptable.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 28/01/2015 10:43

Yawn another horrid thread, that does nothing to support or help those parents who have no one to watch their dc for a few hours while they have a meal, but op of course does.

She is being mean and horrible and being rude and judgmental.

No one knows how amazing these parents are, and all the incredible things they do with their children except two hours in a restaurant.

very cruel, mean and un fair and narrow minded.

Sugarfreeriot · 28/01/2015 10:44

Lazy parenting?
I tell you what I was a freaking nightmare child, honestly I shit you not I was really really badly behaved. My mum didn't go out for coffee, she didn't even dare take a bus ride with me to visit family members because up until 4 I would not listen, she tried everything with me and I just didn't wanna know, if taking an iPad out means you can take your child on a bus, out for lunch or to do the weekly shop why the hell not? Lazy parenting is sitting on your arse all day whilst your child watches peppe pig on repeat.
Also you have no idea what problems that child may have, they could be autistic and that may be all that calms them, there's a whole bunch of reasons people may use a tablet to keep their child occupied other than "I can't be bothered to teach you"