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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mixed sex sleepover - 9 year olds

137 replies

MrsGoslingWannabe · 27/01/2015 21:06

DD has been invited to a sleepover which I assumed would be girls only but have since discovered a boy is going to as well. Something makes me uncomfortable about this and I think I may have to cancel. AIBU?

OP posts:
ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 27/01/2015 21:07

Yes, YABU.

What on earth do you think might happen?

LadyLuck10 · 27/01/2015 21:09

Yanbu, they are a bit too young IMO.

ThatBloodyWoman · 27/01/2015 21:09

I'm not sure I'd mind -I'd be more bothered if there were more boys.
Does the boy know he's the only boy?

beachyhead · 27/01/2015 21:09

YABU.... I feel sorry for the one boy, frankly.

beachyhead · 27/01/2015 21:10

And I speak as the mother of a 9 yo girl SmileSmile

Tinkerball · 27/01/2015 21:10

Boys aren't aliens you know.

iklboo · 27/01/2015 21:11

DS has recently been on a cubs camp. Mixed pack. Boys slept in one room, girls in another. The arrangements might be similar. Talk to the mum.

Hakluyt · 27/01/2015 21:12

What do you think is going to happen? What is your reason for cancelling?

Leeds2 · 27/01/2015 21:12

I think YABU.

What are your concerns?

FannyFifer · 27/01/2015 21:13

No big deal at that age, DS has a friend, a girl that hangs out with all the boys, sleepovers etc as well.
Never thought anything about it.

ahbollocks · 27/01/2015 21:13

I dont think 9 year olds are like that, sexual I mean. Have you considered the boy might be gay? Our friend 'sam' was included in our girly nights, we used to cuddle up and talk about take that and how pretty dolly parton was.

Stickerrocks · 27/01/2015 21:14

I'd be more concerned if they were 13 or 14. surely they're just going to spend the night scoffing sweets and giggling.

Jennifersrabbit · 27/01/2015 21:16

I own a boy of rising 9. I can think of lots of things he might do on a sleepover but nothing that would be a problem in a mixed sex environment. I really can't see a difficulty.

skinnyamericano · 27/01/2015 21:16

I really wouldn't mind this at all.

My DS is 9; he just sees both sexes as his friends, if that's what you're worried about.

JockTamsonsBairns · 27/01/2015 21:17

Can't see the problem at all. My dd has always hung out with boys, and therefore had sleepovers with them as a child and growing up. She's now 17, and exactly the same now.

IAmAllImportant · 27/01/2015 21:19

9! Seriously, are you sexualising 9 year olds? Could we stop this please?

MrsGoslingWannabe · 27/01/2015 21:19

A couple of the girls act and dress quite old for their age and are on FB which I disagree with. It's just a gut feeling I can't ignore. DD's close friend is leaving at 9pm as she can't stay so I think I'll suggest that instead. DD won't mind anyway.

OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 27/01/2015 21:22

Yanbu as you can judge from what you see on fb about this group of friends. Go with your gut.

Hakluyt · 27/01/2015 21:26

You can ignore gut feelings, you know. Because sometimes they are completely rubbish. As in this case.

Wafflesandhoney · 27/01/2015 21:30

At 9 I think you are overthinking this.

ThereIsACarInTheKitchen · 27/01/2015 21:34

Because sometimes they are completely rubbish

And sometimes they're not.

I do think the OP is BU though.

gamora · 27/01/2015 21:37

Really surprised by some of these responses as I don't think I'm a prude or overly dramatic at all but I would not be ok with this. When I was 11, we had boys sneak into a sleepover. There was french kissing and seven minutes of heaven (entirely based on some john hughes movie, nobody really knew what they were meant to do), and a certain element of 'I'll show me yours..etc'. It depends on the kids but I wouldn't rule out something like that - and again, I obviously wasn't traumatised for life, but some children are more sensitive than others and wouldn't react well if there was inappropriate joking, etc, and suddenly they were in a situation they didn't fully understand.

A girl in my school had a boyfriend at 9, everyone thought, 'oh, how cute' except she was pregnant by him at 13. At 9 they were doing more than holding hands - not much more, but they were experimenting with what they thought boyfriends and girlfriends should do based on big sisters/brothers and then years later it escalated.

I am very pro not sexualising children, but in a culture that does that for you I think it makes sense to be realistic about the actual risks they face. And also: all this was a very 'naice' middle class school and area. I see a lot of people on here who say 'my child is a very young x' with the subtext they go to a nice school and won't have been exposed to these things but I can say for certain our parents would have said/thought the same. Totally don't mean to scaremonger, and 90% sure it wouldn't be a problem in this case, but ultimately: at 9 at least some of the girls will likely have started puberty to some extent. Won't it be a bit embarrassing? Will they all change separately?

I would have thought it might highlight differences that shouldn't be there when they're playing, and if its allowed now when do you stop allowing it again IYSWIM. When they're 13? 14? 12? Isn't that signalling you suddenly do expect them to be sexual? I would view this as a giant can of worms and go with picking her up at 9.

grumbleina · 27/01/2015 21:37

YABU

The fact that they're at an age where ONE boy can go to a sleepover proves that there's nothing to worry about, IMO. The time to be concerned is when they start moving in packs (both boys and girls, I mean).

Having facebook is not the same as being.... I don't even know what you're worried about.

Frankly the whole 'the girls act old for their age and therefore are untrustworthy' attitude is a worrying one, IMO. Of course they act older - they're nine! They think they're 21 at nine. But surely they're like all nine year olds in that they really don't have any idea, and nor would they actually want to.

Of course, if you genuinely think these girls are sexually active, at nine, then you'd be talking to their parents, because that would be a police matter.

Hakluyt · 27/01/2015 21:38

Sometimes gut feelings are complete rubbish, sometimes they aren't. And we have no way of knowing which is which. So how about we go by our intelligence, brains and reason? Much more chance of making a sensible decision that way.

DamnBamboo · 27/01/2015 21:40

Why? Do you think your daughter won't be able to control herself?

Oh right, no sorry! He's the male so he must somehow be predatory, never mind the fact that he's bloody 9 Hmm

YABVVVVVU and actually rather stupid

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