Mixed sex sleepover - 9 year olds

[MrsGoslingWannabe]

DD has been invited to a sleepover which I assumed would be girls only but have since discovered a boy is going to as well. Something makes me uncomfortable about this and I think I may have to cancel. AIBU?

I've just realised I was one of these dangerous 'older' nine year old girls. I knew was sex was, and I remember friends and I giggling about 'sexing'. It was a weird naughty joke, and even if we knew was it was in theory, we had no idea about what it really was, and nor did we want to. Because we were nine.

And boys... my god no. I had a 'boyfriend' at nine. We kissed once, a chaste peck on the lips, surrounded by the entire class, for a dare. And that was a big deal! I didn't even associate my 'boyfriend' with my knowledge of sex. Sex was an adult thing, and they just weren't related in my mind. BECAUSE I WAS NINE.

My dd was only 10 when she started her periods. She had learned about periods in y5 at school in phse lessons but I had told her about it before then.

I do think it is important that they know in plenty of time, and ideally told by a parent rather than bits in the playground.

It doesn't make them more grown up and any less innocent knowing about facts of life. Tbh even starting her periods at 10 didn't make dd any less innocent about real life sexual stuff.

Knackered with older teenagers there may be sex involved at a sleepover but if that's the case regardless of whether they sleep over or not but we are talking about primary school age kids.

With 9 yos the point is that they want to stay up late watching films, talking and giggling and eating junk food. I don't get why they can't be mixed.

Go with your gut OP.We never allowed any sleepovers .

Our children who railed and performed against the rule ,now think the same and will not allow it.They did manage to be socialised without.

The little boy is not the problem here.It is that you can never really know the 'setup' in any home.

"go with your gut"

How about going with your brain and your reason?

Denmark has one of the lowest rates of teen pregnancy/abortion in the world. It has excellent sex education but also an emphasis on fostering friendship between boys and girls, seeing each other as individuals and friends rather than potential partners.

Slightly deviating from the point but I remember watching a programme years ago about a kibbutz which had mixed dorms of late teens/young adults and they found it reduced the liklihood of sexual behaviour than in Kibbutz' with single sex dorms.It demystified the whole thing so rather than having a romantic view of the opposite sex,you got to know them warts and all (and didn't like the warts!) It was very interesting. I agree that encouraging opposite sex friendships from as young as possible is very healthy. For those who think their primary aged kids are innocent,I think that you may be surprised by what they actually do know. We have no t.v at home and our kids do not have free access to internet(ie our computer in downstairs where we can all see it) and yet at age 9 my oldest daughter had friends who were telling her about rape,condoms,drugs,breast implants. Some of her friends have very young mums who are very much on the dating scene and come home talking to their kids like they are adults(no adult to talk to) and all this info gets shared on the playground. Some of the kids have older siblings watching porn and telling them all about it and this gets shared on the playground. It is impossible to protect your kids from this so sadly you need to arm them with the facts before they are misinformed by other kids!

My son has known the mechanics of sex from about 4 when he first asked me how babies get made.
He also knows about periods. and a little about pms!

He is still really innocent and believes in the tooth fairy.
Knowing the biological facts about sex doesn't make a boy a sexual predator. I knew what sex was, and whispered about it in the playground at a young age. I still wouldn't have dreamed of translating that into doing anything with a boy who was also a child like me.
Dont inflict adult values and interpretations onto children; that is more damaging than any amount of supposed sexual knowledge.

Ifnotnow- absolutely!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brilliant post if not now.

My son was at a tiny primary school. He was the only boy in a year group of 12. He was invited on all the sleep overs where his best friend, a girl, would plait his beautiful long blond hair. He still keeps in touch with them all. Happy, innocent childhood days. Nothing more, nothing less.

I'm a bit at the cries of 'don't sexualise children'... you are aware that many 9 year olds have already hit puberty and that sexual thoughts are common in pubescent children? I distinctly remember having sexual thoughts at age 9 and discussing them with friends. I don't think this is a case of accusing any children of being aggressors, but it is well known that children 'explore' sexually with each other. I don't think you can stop that happening, and I don't think it's necessarily massively damaging, but nonetheless I wouldn't allow a mixed sleepover at that age.