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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to call the police on a 15 year old?

252 replies

LaLyra · 26/01/2015 19:06

My stepson is 15. In September he got himself a girlfriend, it lasted two weeks because she was "too clingy" (wanted to spend ALL their time together and gave him tonnes of grief if he had something else to do). He also confided in his older cousin that she wanted to move the relationship on too quickly for his liking.

Anyway since they split up she has been a pain. She texts him constantly, he's had to change his number twice. She took to hanging around outside of our house and only stopped when I took to ringing her parents every time she appeared. She got in trouble in school for annoying him at breaks and lunchtime. Her parents seem to have tried - they've grounded her several times, taken her phone from her for a week here and there, stopped her using the internet at home etc, but she's completely ignored everyone.

I've just had a call from DS asking me to pick him up after his swimming club. He normally gets the bus, but she and her best friend have turned up there. They've been asked to leave for cheering for him loudly despite the fact he's not racing or anything. He's mortified and is worried she's going to get on the same bus. If he does encounter her personally she either bursts into floods of tears, begging him to take her back or she shouts abuse at him.

I've had enough now. School have tried and her parents seem to have tried, but nothing has worked. I had hoped that the break over Christmas would help her move on. We were away visiting relatives over the holiday and he enjoyed being able to go out places with his cousins without worry about her turning up.

So would I be harsh in saying enough is enough and calling the police?

OP posts:
liketohelp · 02/02/2015 20:05

OP, I think you have been brilliant.

I am so glad the police are going to be there at the meeting - & even giving a talk to the school! There is still a huge issue, despite the new stalking law, with police in many areas not taking stalking seriously & victims just having to live with it, their lives ruined.

Most stalkers are as you say - trying to win the victim over, but then starting a campaign of harassment which escalates. Unfortunately they are good at recruiting other people to enable this.

Im so glad this girl will get help now, while shes still young.

All the best.

BadgersNadgers · 02/02/2015 21:09

I think she's just not listening and I'm not entirely sure how you make a teenager listen if they are determined no to do so?

Imagine finding the answer to that and being able to bottle it.

Jux · 02/02/2015 22:26

Thank goodness the police will be there, and are on the ball with the cyber bullying too.

You are quite right about more being done if the roles were reversed - make that point very strongly to the school. It is outrageous. They have a duty of care to both children, OK, but that does include your dss and the HoY seems to be typical patriarchal twat. Yes, get him right off dss's case, he's no help to him at all.

Good luck tomorrow. Hope your dh gets back in time.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 03/02/2015 00:14

I really hope the police manage to influence the school (rather than the other way round).

Lots of luck tomorrow Flowers

Honeybadger83 · 03/02/2015 03:52

Just wanted to add my good luck to the chorus.
Your son sounds like a very sweet boy, who has his head screwed on right. It's such a shame he's having to go through this, but he's handling it brilliantly. You all are. Good job on being such a wonderful mum!

I understand why the schools like to take the reconciliatory approach, but this is clearly one of those times when it's inappropriate to do so. If the police are agreeing with you on the situation, the school has no right to undermine their authority.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

laughingmyarseoff · 03/02/2015 09:27

Oh OP I hope this gets sorted for your son soon. This girl sounds very obsessive and controlling, you can only imagine what that sort of person would become if enabled to do so. Despite her parents against her, the Police having a word and your complaints she is still intent, as if she just wants to win. And that's a 15 year old girl! Imagine if she got her way, had your DS under her thumb along with her friends, what a vile and controlling adult she would become!

Hopefully the police will freak out the other girls enough to get a clue or stand up to her, unless of course they are like-minded. I think toughness is the way to go, she needs to learn that she is doing wrong and so do her cronies who are cyber bullying.

fridayfreedom · 03/02/2015 10:33

Hope all goes well today

Jux · 03/02/2015 11:39

Thinking of you Thanks

Whatisaweekend · 03/02/2015 13:08

Good luck with the meeting today.

Gruntfuttock · 03/02/2015 16:39

How did it go, OP?

PinkSnowAndStars · 03/02/2015 20:53

Hope today went well!

BMW6 · 04/02/2015 08:43

Bumping in hope of update from OP

FatherHenderson · 04/02/2015 12:30

How did it go?

SoonToBeMrsB · 04/02/2015 17:09

Finally delurking - how did the meeting go OP?

BumpAndGrind · 04/02/2015 17:48

I hope this doesn't become yet another thread without an update...

Vivacia · 04/02/2015 18:13

It is what it is Bump. OPs don't owe us anything Smile

Original poster
LaLyra · 04/02/2015 23:10

Sorry for the delay in coming back. It's been a busy week - my husband works away in the week and I'm at home with the 5 kids.

I can't actually update you at the moment. Don't want to be weird or coy, but it would be too revealing. There's another meeting on Monday. I will hopefully be able to update you then.

OP posts:
halestone · 04/02/2015 23:31

Just as long as you and your family are ok OP thats all that really matters.

BumpAndGrind · 05/02/2015 00:04

Thanks for the update :)

thewomaninwhite · 05/02/2015 11:51

Thanks for the update op. Hope you are all okay and the meeting goes well on Monday. We are rooting for you and your son.

sykadelic · 08/02/2015 05:09

Hoping for the best OP

legoqueen · 08/02/2015 10:06

Good luck OP, another who thinks what a great mum you are Flowers

Mrsj70 · 08/02/2015 15:06

Good luck for the meeting tomorrow x

Maryz · 08/02/2015 15:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WeldedParentMaterials · 08/02/2015 16:19

Best of luck OP.