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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to call the police on a 15 year old?

252 replies

LaLyra · 26/01/2015 19:06

My stepson is 15. In September he got himself a girlfriend, it lasted two weeks because she was "too clingy" (wanted to spend ALL their time together and gave him tonnes of grief if he had something else to do). He also confided in his older cousin that she wanted to move the relationship on too quickly for his liking.

Anyway since they split up she has been a pain. She texts him constantly, he's had to change his number twice. She took to hanging around outside of our house and only stopped when I took to ringing her parents every time she appeared. She got in trouble in school for annoying him at breaks and lunchtime. Her parents seem to have tried - they've grounded her several times, taken her phone from her for a week here and there, stopped her using the internet at home etc, but she's completely ignored everyone.

I've just had a call from DS asking me to pick him up after his swimming club. He normally gets the bus, but she and her best friend have turned up there. They've been asked to leave for cheering for him loudly despite the fact he's not racing or anything. He's mortified and is worried she's going to get on the same bus. If he does encounter her personally she either bursts into floods of tears, begging him to take her back or she shouts abuse at him.

I've had enough now. School have tried and her parents seem to have tried, but nothing has worked. I had hoped that the break over Christmas would help her move on. We were away visiting relatives over the holiday and he enjoyed being able to go out places with his cousins without worry about her turning up.

So would I be harsh in saying enough is enough and calling the police?

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 26/01/2015 19:39

Go straight to the police. They will likely only have a word in the first instance but it may be more effective than you trying yet again. It is stalking and frankly he's been putting up with it quite long enough.

Altinkum · 26/01/2015 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoanCollins · 26/01/2015 19:40

Ring the police, definitely YANBU, this sounds horrible.

DoraGora · 26/01/2015 19:40

Do you know your neighbourhood policing team? They normally have a website with their details. You can call them. They're not all warranted officers. But the team leader normally is one. They deal with anti social behaviour as a matter of course.

The girl needs to learn that anti social behaviour has consequences. But, a quiet word from a community support officer should be more than enough.

PtolemysNeedle · 26/01/2015 19:41

If she's been told before, go straight to the police. I actually think you'd be letting your dss down if you don't follow it up with the police now.

WorraLiberty · 26/01/2015 19:43

Just dial 101 and they'll decide what sort of officer is best to deal with her.

Gerrythetootallgiraffeswife · 26/01/2015 19:43

Speak to the school again first and tell them your intention. They will probably have a police school liaison officer who can have a word. I'm assuming at the moment your aim is for her to be scared out of this behaviour, as opposed to anything more punitive at the moment? I'm a secondary school teacher and we find that a chat from the local bobby does wonders when kids refuse to believe that what they're doing could be illegal. Make sure the school know that if they don't act then you will. They won't want that!!

JenniferGovernment · 26/01/2015 19:45

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

specialsubject · 26/01/2015 19:48

what Jennifer says - she's been warned, now follow through. This nasty child needs consequences.

dial 101.

AmantesSuntAmentes · 26/01/2015 19:48

I've had to involve the police due to the behaviour of some local young teens. Fwiw, our pcso asked me not to forewarn them - they preferred them not to have a heads up.

The pcso take a multi agency approach and will speak with other agencies where necessary. If they do this in your case, it will mean the girl receives the guidance she needs and your son will hopefully be left alone.

He should definitely not have to be coping with this behaviour and you've tried all else (as I did). Step it up Smile

MrsMaker83 · 26/01/2015 19:52

Yanbu, this is stalking and harassment.

Maybe warn her parents one last time and tell them what you intend to do if it continues. I would have no issues involving the police in these circumstances.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 26/01/2015 19:53

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FreeWee · 26/01/2015 19:57

Two weeks and she's stalking like this?? Crikey if she thinks this behaviour is acceptable now she may come unstuck in future relationships if she doesn't get some words of advice. Sounds like there's more to her problem than over attachment but you would hope the police would recognise that and put her in touch with specialists.

LaurieFairyCake · 26/01/2015 19:57

Worra - having the OP go and warn the girl is a bad idea because the girl may claim she threatened her etc. And you don't want any 'she said/she said' to muddy the waters.

You could contact her parents and her by email but a face to face is a bad idea unless there are other witnesses.

Madamecastafiore · 26/01/2015 19:57

Your poor DS.

I'd ring the police. No warnings to her or her parents.

She needs to be stopped immediately.

It's stalking and harassment not anti social behaviour.

OnceMoreAgainWithFeeling · 26/01/2015 19:58

She has been warned, harassment is illegal. You are not 'calling the police on a 15 year old', you are reporting the perpetrator of a crime against your DSS. The consequences of her actions are her problem, and if it were a boy harassing a girl, you'd probably have called them three months ago!

Keep a diary of any further incidents and history of reports, and record now what you can of past incidents and call the police.

WorraLiberty · 26/01/2015 19:59

Oh well since the OP updated, I think there's been more than enough warnings already.

She needs to ring 101.

Whereisegg · 26/01/2015 20:01

Don't warn her or her parents, call 101 when your youngest dc are in bed.
Get dss to write down anything he remembers, dates/messages/her showing up etc, and do keep a diary from now on.

I would tell the school, but tomorrow morning, after you've already called the police.

Your poor dss Sad

Rosieliveson · 26/01/2015 20:02

Another vote for 101 here.
I think roles reversed, where a boy had been 'keen to move quickly' and stalking his ex, this would have felt more clear cut.
Hope it's sorted soon

Original poster
LaLyra · 26/01/2015 20:02

Thank you everyone.

I spotted next doors 17-year-old coming home and have offered her an easy £20 for a quick babysitting job to avoid taking the small ones out with me later to collect him.

That means I'll be able to speak to DS in the car in peace and see what he's thinking. I've found details of the Community Policing Team so they could be a good option.

I don't want to warn her of whatever we do next be that police/school/parents. DS never gets any warning of her appearing so why should she? (That may be petty, but I'm so pissed off).

OP posts:
ThingummyJigg · 26/01/2015 20:05

She could be troubled and unwell, or incredibly arrogant and enjoy the drama of it all, but otherwise harmless (though highly annoying)

I would go with the suggestion of calling the police for advice, in the first instance, and see what they have to say, particularly in regard to whether or not you should warn her parents you'll be calling the police to report harassment next time there's an incident, or letting them know you've asked the police for advice only at this point.

Original poster
LaLyra · 26/01/2015 20:06

Oncemoreagainwtihfeeling & Whereisegg - We already have a diary. Not from the very, very beginning, but since end of October. DS had to keep it for school before they'd take him seriously.

OP posts:
RiverTam · 26/01/2015 20:13

I would ring them, she's been given warnings aplenty. Hopefully they will go round and read her the riot act which should stop her in her tracks.

Her behaviour after so short a relationship is extremely worrying, but that's not for the OP to have to sort out.

AmantesSuntAmentes · 26/01/2015 20:14

From my experience, I'd say definitely go to your CPT. As I said, our local pcso has been fab and I think, particularly where youngsters are concerned, they do provide the right approach.

crazykat · 26/01/2015 20:17

I wouldn't tell her parents or school tbh, I'd be straight on to the police. As pp have said if the roles were reversed and it was a boy stalking and harassing a girl then everyone would be saying go straight to the police, there would be no give her/school/parents a warning.

Your dss shouldn't have to put up with this, it could be damaging for him if this carries on much longer. I'd be phoning the police as soon as your little ones are in bed and perhaps asking about counselling for dss just incase he starts wondering if he's caused her behaviour in any way.

The girl is either too caught up in the drama she's creating or she needs help to see this behaviour is unacceptable. If something isn't done she could get much worse and her behaviour could escalate if the only consequence is losing her phone for a week here and there.