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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to call the police on a 15 year old?

252 replies

LaLyra · 26/01/2015 19:06

My stepson is 15. In September he got himself a girlfriend, it lasted two weeks because she was "too clingy" (wanted to spend ALL their time together and gave him tonnes of grief if he had something else to do). He also confided in his older cousin that she wanted to move the relationship on too quickly for his liking.

Anyway since they split up she has been a pain. She texts him constantly, he's had to change his number twice. She took to hanging around outside of our house and only stopped when I took to ringing her parents every time she appeared. She got in trouble in school for annoying him at breaks and lunchtime. Her parents seem to have tried - they've grounded her several times, taken her phone from her for a week here and there, stopped her using the internet at home etc, but she's completely ignored everyone.

I've just had a call from DS asking me to pick him up after his swimming club. He normally gets the bus, but she and her best friend have turned up there. They've been asked to leave for cheering for him loudly despite the fact he's not racing or anything. He's mortified and is worried she's going to get on the same bus. If he does encounter her personally she either bursts into floods of tears, begging him to take her back or she shouts abuse at him.

I've had enough now. School have tried and her parents seem to have tried, but nothing has worked. I had hoped that the break over Christmas would help her move on. We were away visiting relatives over the holiday and he enjoyed being able to go out places with his cousins without worry about her turning up.

So would I be harsh in saying enough is enough and calling the police?

OP posts:
UncleT · 08/02/2015 17:03

I'd just like to go on record as saying that butterfly is an utter twat.

expatinscotland · 08/02/2015 17:09

Best of luck!

TheCunnyFunt · 08/02/2015 18:27

Good luck for tomorrow OP!

QueenBean · 08/02/2015 18:39

Good luck OP, hope all goes ok Flowers

ImBatDog · 09/02/2015 18:08

how did you meeting go OP?

Original poster
LaLyra · 09/02/2015 18:53

Meeting went as well as it could really. We seem to be making small steps - it has taken the blunter of the two community bobbies to be very blunt with her, but we seem to be making a bit of progress.

The parents of one of the other girls got involved, they weren't impressed by how "heavy handed" the police were over the social media stuff, but they are now suitably mortified having realised what their daughter was doing.

The Deputy Head has taken over dealing with everything. She is in charge of child protection at the school and knows the community police well. The Year Head rubbed the police AND the girl's parents up the wrong way as well so it wasn't just me. Very much felt like he believed he was much better at dealing with things than ANYONE else.

Fingers crossed we're on the way to being sorted.

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 09/02/2015 18:57

That sounds positive - I'm really pleased for all concerned.

Whereisegg · 09/02/2015 19:18

Brilliant news, how is your dss?

JenniferGovernment · 09/02/2015 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jux · 09/02/2015 19:40

The more I hear about him, the more I think the HoY must be dd's HoY. I do hope he's come down a peg or two!

Hope dss is feeling things are being properly handled now, and gets to enjoy his life again!

Well done, you Thanks

Hadook · 09/02/2015 19:40

Just read this thread. Shocking, and you have done the right thing. I hope the meeting went well.

Original poster
LaLyra · 09/02/2015 19:46

Ds is wound up by it all at the moment. He's really annoyed and upset that every time someone gets involved there seems to be an assumption that he "must" have done something or been unfair.

He's very concerned he's going to end up with people thinking badly of him just because he's the boy. We're trying to balance sympathising (because he's right to worry) with not letting him get too sulky or using it as an excuse to avoid school/not bother with things.

The Deputy Head has had a good few chats with him, they have clamped down on any other kids joining in the social media thing so hopefully he'll be ok. He picked up a bit this afternoon when the Deputy Head told him, quite strongly, that if one child picks on another child to the point that one of them has to leave the school (having to move school is his biggest fear atm) then in her school it wouldn't be the one who got picked on that had to move.

OP posts:
Original poster
LaLyra · 09/02/2015 19:50

Jux He's awful. Honestly the way he speaks to people... If he wasn't retiring at the end of the year I'd be putting in a formal complaint and/or giving serious thought to not wanting my daughters going to that school.

Through the grapevine (I used to work in a primary school that feeds to that school) I know he's deeply unpopular with his colleagues and there have been numerous complaints. There's also been vacancies for the Deputy Head and Head a couple of times over the past few years (long standing head retired, Deputy got job, Deputy got ill and left...) and I think it's quite telling that whilst other staff were promoted and new staff were brought in he wasn't.

OP posts:
ssd · 09/02/2015 20:44

why speak to her parents, you've already done this

call the police

Perfectlypurple · 09/02/2015 20:48

ssd she has called the police. If you RTFT you will see they have been involved.

Jux · 09/02/2015 21:12

I'd put in a complaint about him, anyway, despite imminent retirement. DD's is not retiring, so sadly there are two of them jading our children's school experience.

Good luck to your dss. Please give him our best wishes. Nil carborundum and all that Cake for him and Wine for you.

Original poster
LaLyra · 10/02/2015 02:41

I would have Jux, but Ds is worried about Year Head if there is a complaint. I know it's not good to teach him that you should let people away with stuff, but we (DH, DS & I) had a big long discussion and decided the hassle wouldn't be worth any benefit given he's retiring.

It's not ideal, but I don't feel that I could just say to DS 'you won't get any hassle because you shouldn't...' He's old enough, and has had enough dealings with Year Head, to know I can't promise that. He has enough on his plate as it is.

OP posts:
Duskydawn · 10/02/2015 02:56

Think you are definitely taking the right steps at the moment, and it's good that the deputy head is doing the right things. Hopefully it all gets sorted out for your ds soon.

The girl sounds like she may well have some kind of mental health condition, so if this is the case hopefully she will also get the medical help she needs, and this will not happen again to someone else's ds.

Jux · 10/02/2015 11:22

You're right about HoY. I'm in the same position with dd's. I' want to complain in writing but he'll just make life hard for her, and she has been firm in her request that I don't. She, however, is determined to ensure that he will know how awful he's been at the end of this year. She thinks there'll be no come-back because next year she'll be in Sixth Form with a different Head.

Knowing her luck, the current long-standing and very popular Head of Sixth will decide to retire or move, and dd's HoY will be promoted. Many of the teachers loathe him, so they may want him out of the way.

Anyway, good on your dss. He sounds very sensible and level headed. I hope his life is improving and the girls involved in this sorry saga leave him alone and behave now.

wheresthelight · 15/02/2015 11:33

glad the meeting went well OP and I hope this last week has been a bit easier for your Ds.

I had a hoy who sounds very similar (although it was a woman) when I was in school and she also felt that the 6 girls ganging up and knocking 7 shades out of me was clearly down to something I had done (I was born in London was my only fault and this was in a particularly snobby part of Hampshire).

it all ended very badly when I told her she was a stupid f'ing cow and walked out her office. luckily we moved and my dad threatened legal action when they suspended me Grin

Spadequeen · 15/02/2015 12:03

Agree with everyone else that if the genders were reversed this would have been dealt with a lot sooner.

You may not think it, but he is lucky to have you standing up for him, yes I know that's your job as his mum, but you only need to read many threads on mn to see many stories of parents who don't do the right thing

UncleT · 15/02/2015 13:19

Retirement or not, you really should formally complain about HOY. If nothing else it might help ensure the school is a little more clued-up if this happens again to anyone.

wheresthelight · 22/02/2015 08:04

How are things going lalyra?

Chebs · 22/02/2015 10:47

Just read this full thread and have to say Lalyra, you have handled this so so well. I hope your DSS has been ok since, and everything has resumed to normality xx

ChangedUsername89 · 26/04/2016 19:27

Hi