Aibu to ask for bridesmaid dresses back

[TweedAddict]

It's my wedding in August. I'm paying for the bridesmaids dresses, would it be ok ask for them back so I can sell them on? Is it ok too ask that, bridesmaids may be paying for own shoes depending on how much things cost but if I can cover it then I will- bridesmaids will be keeping shoes either way.

No it's not ok. Nor is it ok to ask for them to buy their own shoes.

I think that's fine, I wouldn't be offended to be asked to return the dress.

Not really ....

I think you would be judged badly tbh, it's really not normally the done thing.

Of course that's absolutely fine.

I've been bridesmaid a few times, I've always bought my own shoes, though the bride has been quite flexible about style, just specifying colour so I've got a pair I could wear again.

No it's really not ok.

I wish my friend had asked for it back. It hung in a cupboard for years, in fact it might still be there. I felt bad about getting rid of it because I hadn't paid for it. What a waste.

Yabu

YANBU. We all gave my DSIS our dresses back so she could sell them as a job lot on eBay, we also were never going to wear them again as she chose them without thought for our body shapes so it was an easy decision to make! We offered, she didn't ask which might make a difference, a friend has worn one to a ball we attended together but I imagine that is rare.

If you paid for the dress then I wouldn't have a problem you wanting it back, if I'd paid for the dress then it's mine/dd's and no you can't have it. Same as the shoes etc.

I think it's odd to ask for them back. What if they're paranoid about spilling etc?

I also think that the dresses are a sort of gift...wouldn't ask for them back myself.

It's no different then if you are hiring them surely?

I paid for my bridesmaids dresses and asked for them back to sell on. They were very 'bridesmaidsy' certainly nothing they would wear again.

I was young when I got married and I remembered as a child giving my bridesmaid dress back so thought nothing of it asking for mine. They also paid for their shoes (they offered) and as long as they were the right colour, they picked something they could wear again.

Why don't you hire them? Then you won't have to have any awkward conversations.

It's definitely fine for you to ask them to buy they're own shoes . When I was a BM the bride bought us all the same shoes and I was hideously uncomfortable all day .

So when I got married I told all my BM to buy they're own shoes is whatever style they wanted .

Posted too soon .

As for the dresses , I don't really know if I would care about this or not tbh . I don't think I would .

I wouldn't ask.

But I wouldn't think badly of you if you did.

I think it is perfectly fine to ask for them if you've paid for them. We didn't get ours back but they had been tailored to fit so weren't much use resale. We did buy outfits for nephews though and I was disappointed when they were not returned :(

I would gladly give my bridesmaid dress back to you. What on earth would I do with it. Of course if I was paying for it then that would be entirely different.

I find it odd that some posters are saying YABU... if you were hiring them, they would have to go back!

I suppose if you offer to cover their drink/travel/accommodation costs then it's ok. Otherwise it's quite grabby.

I don't see why you shouldn't, if you are supplying the dresses. If they really want them, they could offer to pay for them.

If I were you, I would give them a small gift, like a pair of earrings, as a thank you for being your bridesmaid, which I'm sure they would appreciate far more than a dress which they are unlikely to ever wear again.

just tell them you hired them.

I really don't think it's ok. They're doing you a favour, not the other way around.