Aibu to ask for bridesmaid dresses back

[TweedAddict]

It's my wedding in August. I'm paying for the bridesmaids dresses, would it be ok ask for them back so I can sell them on? Is it ok too ask that, bridesmaids may be paying for own shoes depending on how much things cost but if I can cover it then I will- bridesmaids will be keeping shoes either way.

"Bridesmaids are supposed to pay for their own dresses,shoes, hair & makeup."

No, they're really really not supposed to do anything of the sort.

Brides really need to consider how much each bridesmaid will be forking out already to attend the wedding. A free dinner rarely covers the expense of being a wedding guest, esp if you have kids. They should also read the many MN threads about Bridezillas to make sure they don't become one.

Being a bridesmaid sounds like a hideous and expensive pain in the arse.

Why do people say yes?

Bridesmaids aren't doing the bride a favour floggingmolly what an odd way of looking at it. I'd consider it an honour to be asked to be a bridesmaid, not that I was doing the bride a favour, but rather I'd be flattered that she thought enough of me as a friend to want me to play an important role in her day.

Forget bridezillas, we're now seeing the rise of bridesmaidzillas

I don't think it's bridezillas or bridesmaidzillas on this thread , just MNzillas (which fortunately don't exist in RL)...

You're right puppy and aren't they a peculiar breed

I wouldn't give a flying fuck if you took a dress you has paid for back off me.

If you're paying for the dress then of course you can have them back to dispose of as you wish. Why on earth would anyone want to keep a lone bridesmaid's dress??? And more to the point, why on earth would anyone you asked to be your bridesmaid mind??

I bought my bridesmaids a couple of gifts - string of pearls to wear on the day and a silver handbag mirror which I figured were a much better thank you than "keep the dress", which, though knee length and perfect for my wedding, was very bridesmaidy.

I have been a bridesmaid twice and had it both ways.

The time we were 'allowed' to keep the dress, which was hideous (style, colour, fabric everything), it hung at the back of my Mum's wardrobe for 2 years before it was disposed of to a charity shop where I'm sure it languished for eons until a stylistically challenged bride with a lone bridesmaid to dress came alone - or more likely somebody looking for fancy dress!

The time the dress went back I was happy to see it go - despite buying my own shoes to match (dictated by the bride). I'm not sure why some posters think this would make a difference, it's not like the shoes could ONLY be worn with the one dress. I was glad to be rid of it as there was no realistic prospect of it ever being worn again. And I was happy that the bride could sell all 3 dresses together and recoup some of the cost.

YANBU to ask for them back after the wedding, but not before. It would put them all on edge, very much so. I was a bridesmaid once and the Bride's drunken uncle spilled red wine all over my dress which ruined it. Had I thought the Bride would want it back I would freak out and be cleaning it, not enjoying the wedding. If she had asked me after I wouldn't have freaked out, just explained.

I ended up with 15 bridesmaids :-))
My friends daughters all wanted to be bridesmaids and I wanted them all to feel part of it. 11 younger ones and 3 bigger ones, bought all the dresses off eBay and have had maybe half back. They were all monsoon and all in pretty much immaculate condition. The older girls ones were brand new.
Bought converse in the littles favourite colours and they kept those. Silver sandals and lingerie for the big ones.
Wasn't a formal day at all so no duties for any of them (village hall afternoon tea, bouncy castle, hog roast, band) but they all got to wear a pretty dress. Some of them were muddy and grass stained by the end of the day but have washed beautifully.
Best bit of the day was watching a row of 7 little girls on space hoppers bouncing down the hill to the playing field.
Anyone who thinks being a bridesmaid isn't an honour and should get to keep everything you've paid for shouldn't bloody be one.

Ask them post-wedding if they are likely to wear them again. If so, you've given them an extra bridesmaid gift. If not, they shouldn't mind you asking for them back!

You are buying it and they will probably never wear it again so I'm sure they wouldn't mind you taking it back. That being said mine are paying for theirs Despite what the majority on MN say I was asked to pay for mine when I was a bridesmaid (and wasn't bothered by this) and know many others who did the same

Traditionally the bride's father would have paid for bridesmaid's dresses. This thread shows how much things have changed (quite reasonably) and how vital communication (as opposed to dictation) is from the start. A bride should make no assumptions about what her bridal party expects!

The real question is will the bridesmaids actually want the dresses? Or will they be taking up closet space. I think most bridesmaids aren't going to wear it again so wouldn't mind you selling them on. On the other hand if it was a dress they might want again you should let them keep it without feeling guilty since being a bridesmaid is often a lot of work and fairly expensive so they should be able to retain any slight perk that comes their way. :)