To have another rant about friend's wedding

[cathyscarlett]

I posted on here recently about my friend who's getting married in November. I'm a bridesmaid, and the cost is already tipping £1,500 for each of us. She is one of my oldest friends, and she is a really lovely person, but she has become utterly self absorbed and obsessed with her wedding (which she has been planning for the past few years).

I have just received a text from another bridesmaid asking each of the six of us for £45 in order to make a 'bride goody bag' for the night before the wedding, including personalised pyjamas, make up, champagne etc. She has stated that the bride asked her to do this. It's not the cost I mind, I was planning to take champagne for the night before anyway, it's being asked to spend yet more of my money on her wedding.

AIBU to think my friend has a bloody cheek to keep continuously asking us all for more money?

[NoArmaniNoPunani]

Yabu not to have pulled out before this point. Expecting you to pay for your dress, shoes, hair and make up is very out of the ordinary.

[Lweji]

Ups, cross post.
£60 for make up?
£200 for a hotel room? Can't you share?
£550 for hen do activities?
Nope

[FrancesNiadova]

Cathyscarlett the stories of grabbiness are just awful. The bride sounds like something off Him & Her.
There's nothing about this wedding that sits well with you, or many others so why don't you give the most sincere apologies, your pet tortoise has got some terminal illness that is wildly infectious to all zillas in white/ivory/cream.
Hopefully she'll show such lack of empathy for esiotrot that she'll disappear up her own a®$€ & you'll never see her again.
You'll live happily ever after & won't care if she does or doesn't!

Get out NOW before the baby shower!

[GokTwo]

Oh my god Queen!!!! What did she say and how did you all react?!

[SuburbanRhonda]

She also has told the groom not to turn around when she walks into the church because she wants him to hear the gasps of the guests when they see her...

I'm gasping now - and it's not at the thought of her dress

[cathyscarlett]

Lweji that's for the whole thing, not just the hen do. Even I would have had my foot firmly down if that was the cost of five days away. This latest £45 is for gifts the night before the actual wedding.

TheFutureMrsB I wish I had the nerve to reply with that!

[fatlazymummy]

Is this kind of thing normal nowadays? It doesn't even seem real to me.

[SconeRhymesWithGone]

What is this night before business? (I'm American and the night before a wedding is the rehearsal dinner, where the bride and groom are the present givers, not receivers). Are presents also given to the bride at the hen do? And then there's the wedding present. How many actual presents are involved here?

[Lweji]

Yes, the hen do includes everything. Not sure why you separated it into pieces.
The hen thing is costing you £550 in total.

[expatinscotland]

'TheFutureMrsB I wish I had the nerve to reply with that!'

Why be such a wet lettuce?

'I don't have any more to spend on this. I am unable to contribute.'

Fin!

[LoisWilkersonsLastNerve]

My friend had a hen weekend in Dublin, £400. I couldn't afford it and was gutted. She said she understood then put a pa status on fb about people not making an effort! I had dinner and dancing at £40 and people moaned about the cost

[cathyscarlett]

mummy no, I don't think it is normal. My sister's getting married a few months later with a similar big wedding style. She is acting like a normal, sane person who realises her wedding day is not the biggest thing in everyone else's life. None of my other friends can believe the way she's behaving either.

If this £45 present idea had been the bridesmaid's as a surprise I would have done it. It's the idea that the bride has asked for it that has got my back up.

[drinkyourmilk]

"Gasps from the guests as she walks down the aisle"?!!!

Is she going to be naked?

[SoupDragon]

she wants the photographer to capture our faces when she comes out in it.

Pleasepleaseplease practise your very best horrified face for this photo!

[yellowdinosauragain]

The reply - 'I understand, but when we've been with bride she talks about the wedding and says things like "I'll have all my stuff to open on the night before from you all", and so I think she's expecting things. I understand there's a lot of money going into this but we felt it would be nice for her to have a box of nice things from us all to open, since she's doing it for us. How much do you think is reasonable to spend on it?'

Your reply:

'You say you understand but you really don't. The amount I've spent /have allocated for everything to do with this wedding is nearly £1400. I don't have anymore. It doesn't matter how much the bride wants I DON'T HAVE ANYMORE. Please stop asking as you're making it very awkward. As I said before I'll bring a bottle of bubbly. What the rest of you want to give her is up to you'

[Floggingmolly]

I don't thinks she'll have any idea that we're already paying out that much at all.
Why wouldn't she? . Unless she's a bit dim as well as grabby, of course she does. You sound far too naive nice; stop making excuses for her tasteless grabbyness and tell her she's gone too far.
Far too far.

[fatlazymummy]

Lolling at the 'gasps of the guests' when she walks down the aisle.
Yeah, you'll be wearing a long white dress love. Like 99% of brides do. Somehow I think the guests will be able to contain their excitement.
Honestly,it seems like she's delusional.

[Tyzer85]

The bride sounds absolutely nuts, I'd pull out before it gives you a migraine.

[cathyscarlett]

I worry about what she's going to fill her life with after the wedding.

[pinefruits]

Perhaps the bridesmaids should send her a list of what goodies they'd like in their goody bag. Make sure nothing costs under £50. Love to hear what she says to that.

[Thurlow]

On a practical note, the answer to the request for more money is to say, simply, calmly and politely, that as you have already had to spend X amount on the wedding you are very sorry but you aren't able to afford any more money. And stick to that.

On a less practical note - bloody hell!

Why the hell are you paying for a dress and hair and make up that she has presumably chosen so you all look suitably nice/matching on the day?!

[SconeRhymesWithGone]

The only time I ever heard gasps at a wedding when the bride walked down the aisle was when the bride's veil caught fire from a lighted taper on one of the pews.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

She's expecting you to cough for your bridesmaid dress and all these other presents?!

Does she really or is the other bridesmaid just thinking this?

Although the groom and the gasping is nuts. As if by looking he couldn't hear ffs.

What's she coming as anyway? Pantomime dame? Her from Frozen? If she's coming in white bridal dress she may be disappointed that people don't actually gasp...

[specialsubject]

walk. Just walk. She's no friend and no loss.

let's hope husband-to-be doesn't find out about all this or he might do the same.

[ShipwreckedAndComatose]

Why isn't she paying for the shoes and the dresses??!!

Sounds like she has lost touch with reality.

Ido like yellow's reply