To have another rant about friend's wedding

[cathyscarlett]

I posted on here recently about my friend who's getting married in November. I'm a bridesmaid, and the cost is already tipping £1,500 for each of us. She is one of my oldest friends, and she is a really lovely person, but she has become utterly self absorbed and obsessed with her wedding (which she has been planning for the past few years).

I have just received a text from another bridesmaid asking each of the six of us for £45 in order to make a 'bride goody bag' for the night before the wedding, including personalised pyjamas, make up, champagne etc. She has stated that the bride asked her to do this. It's not the cost I mind, I was planning to take champagne for the night before anyway, it's being asked to spend yet more of my money on her wedding.

AIBU to think my friend has a bloody cheek to keep continuously asking us all for more money?

[Aeroflotgirl]

I woukd have pulled out once the cost reached over £100

[Panicmode1]

Just say no!

I had a similar experience recently when the hen asked us all to cough up for a present for her as a bride, and a present for her as a hen....on top of the hen night, the cost of my clothes, wedding present and having to have a nanny for some of my children because they weren't all invited....!

I just said no, I will bring the present I was planning to bring (a bottle of champagne) and everyone else then piped up that they thought it was a bit much too....if she's such a good friend, then she should understand. If she doesn't and gets hissy, then perhaps look at the friendship.

I know that I'm turning into an old fogey, but I do think that weddings are now absolutely bonkers - people get so blinded by the wedding and having the 'perfect day' at the expense of their friends and family in many cases and totally forget about the fact that it's the start of a marriage...!

[Panicmode1]

Sorry -that should say, two presents for the bride - one for her as a hen, one for her as a bride.....

[binspin]

What's the worst that will happen if you say no?

[TidyDancer]

Fuck me. I would've backed out long ago. How much could you get back by quitting? The bride and bm1 sound like grabby little horrors.

[WipsGlitter]

And what's the £1.5k on?

It sounds a bit naff to be honest. Is the bride normally like this or has it all gone to her head?

[mrscumberbatch]

By all means get her a few bits and bobs- but it doesn't need to cost more than £30 in total to be nice!

We did the letters thing for a friend, nice hand cream, a bottle of fizz, a good book to read and relax with and some chocolates.

[QuintlessShadows]

Bloody hell.

I would just pull out and say it is becoming too expensive. Wish bride well in her life, and be prepared to cut your losses. A person who asks her friends to spend so much on her, is not a friend, but a vulture. Sorry.

[GraysAnalogy]

I thought the bride was supposed to her her bridesmaids a gift. I also thought the bride was supposed to cover a lot of the cost of the maids like dresses etc.

[yellowdinosauragain]

This is totally ridiculously over the top. A compromise could be that you reach bring the bride a present to your own budget to open. You can say you've already sorted the champagne. It's up to everyone else to spend as much or as little as they wish. There'd be a big fuck off from me in this situation.

[Willabywallaby]

It shouldn't cost you anything to be a bridesmaid, except a wedding present.

I bought everything for my bridesmaids to wear and paid for their hotel room.

I'm also wondering how your costs have stacked up so high already.

[expatinscotland]

This is very simple. I will leave aside the fact that I'd have pulled out long before the cost came anywhere close to that, because that's water under the bridge for you.

Respond, 'I have reached the top of my budget and affordability for this event. I cannot afford a further £45. I am therefore unable to contribute to the goody bag.'

And that is it.

She is not a lovely person, she's a spoilt, vain, cheeky cow.

[cathyscarlett]

Whoever asked if the wedding was abroad, it's not! It's a local wedding.

The reply to our suggestion that we'd just do the letters and bring some champagne - 'But we're doing an emergency bridal bag. Bride's asked for a range of things and we're just sticking by what she has said. I get what you're saying, but bride asked us to do this. She's got us a lot of things for our goody bags.'

I cannot believe the bride has actually had the bare faced cheek to ask for this. Nor was I aware that bridesmaid goody bags were a thing.

[expatinscotland]

No compromise or offering her a single thing more. She's a nasty mare.

[CSIJanner]

cathy - will you honestly see or spend time with the bride after all of this. Or will it make the friendship slide or go bitter? If you think the latter, put your foot down firmly, if the former, negotiate with your bubble. Hell - print a label off and stick it on top of the bottle to "personalise" it which probably is on BM1's list for £75...

[whattheseithakasmean]

I am another who thought the bride was meant to get the bridesmaids presents - I bought mine a necklace. They never got me presents, apart from the wedding presents. Totally unnecessary. Just keep saying no.

[WipsGlitter]

Can you talk to the bride about it? You could do a goody bag for far less! Very spoilt bride.

[pinefruits]

OP would you mind giving us a breakdown of this £1.500 that it's costing the bridesmaids. Imo that's ridiculous, she's the one getting married who should have the large expense not you. She just seems very self important and thoughtless. As for the "bride goody bag"???.......never ever would I agree to such an insane demand.

[GraysAnalogy]

Who the fuck asks for a bridal goody bag. And if it's supposedly 'emergency' things the cheeky cow has plenty of time to go buy them herself.

[expatinscotland]

'No, you do not understand what I am saying. I do not have another £45 to give. I realise she has asked for this, but I do not have another £45 to contribute towards this event.'

Stop pandering to her!

I'd pull out, tbh.

[DeliciousMonster]

My idea of a hen night is buying the bride a few drinks on a night out. £30 tops.

This is absolutely ridiculous.

[yellowdinosauragain]

Your response to that is 'that's a nice idea but I can't afford to do that. I'll throw in a bottle of bubbly. The rest of you sort out whatever you like between you'

[yellowdinosauragain]

And the reason I'd offer the bubbly is because you've already said you were planning this

[GokTwo]

I remember your last thread. This is awful. I really would just say "no, I can't afford it" and I promise you I would not feel any guilt. Being a good friend is not about spending a fortune on someone. If you wanted to compromise then maybe just say "I was bringing champagne any way". Please put your foot down. If I remember rightly it was this bridesmaid who was causing all the problems before.

[TheWitTank]

I'm actually embarrassed for the bride. I hope one day after the wedding she realises what a complete twat she was and cringes. Asking for extra presents is just awful. Be strong on this one -unless her bridesmaid "goody bags" contain £1500 cash and a thank you card then there is no way you are giving £45 for pointless extras to flatter the brides ego. Oh god, the letter I would want to write for the book!