To have another rant about friend's wedding

[cathyscarlett]

I posted on here recently about my friend who's getting married in November. I'm a bridesmaid, and the cost is already tipping £1,500 for each of us. She is one of my oldest friends, and she is a really lovely person, but she has become utterly self absorbed and obsessed with her wedding (which she has been planning for the past few years).

I have just received a text from another bridesmaid asking each of the six of us for £45 in order to make a 'bride goody bag' for the night before the wedding, including personalised pyjamas, make up, champagne etc. She has stated that the bride asked her to do this. It's not the cost I mind, I was planning to take champagne for the night before anyway, it's being asked to spend yet more of my money on her wedding.

AIBU to think my friend has a bloody cheek to keep continuously asking us all for more money?

[GokTwo]

I do not believe in these stupid modern "wedding traditions" that turn the whole event into some unaffordable nightmare for the guests. Do not collude with it.

[binspin]

I might get married if it's acceptable to behave like this and expect everyone to bow to my every demand just because I'm the bride!

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

The wedding's not til November and this goody bag bollocks is being sorted now?

I've not read your other thread I don't think but I'd not be spending another penny.

£1500 , fucking hell, seriously?

[ahbollocks]

Say no! I remember your old thread, am I right in thinking she is actually really stingy too?

[fatlazymummy]

I agree with delicious monster.
I'm older (54). I was a bridesmaid twice. Once was for my sister - the hen night was a pub crawl. On the wedding day we spent a couple of hours getting ready, and that was it. The other time was for my friend - I just turned up at her house a couple of hours beforehand to get ready.
I don't understand why weddings have turned into 'events' nowadays which require so much time, effort and expense from other people. As for the 'goodie bag', words fail me.

[Lweji]

I got stuck with the £1500!

Don't spend any more money on this wedding. I didn't spend that on my dress and stuff. Most certainly wouldn't spend on anyone else's wedding.

[expatinscotland]

Oh, dear god, it's not till November? Then how much have you already stumped up? If it's not the full £1500, pull the fuck out!

There is zero way I would contribute to her fucking goody bag that she asked her.

Your friend is a bitch.

[SconeRhymesWithGone]

I just looked at the other thread. There's a five day hen do. OP, just say "no more."

[LoisWilkersonsLastNerve]

Just say you can't afford it. End of. If she takes the huff problem solved!

[Aeroflotgirl]

Thank god I was never asked to be a bridesmaid or matron of honour.

[DisappointedOne]

Are we absolutely sure the groom will be turning up?!

[fatlazymummy]

I've just noticed in the OP that six bridesmaids have each paid out £1500 ! WTAF? That's £9000 of other people's money. That's insane.

[expatinscotland]

Jesus wept. Stop being such a mug. People only continue to take the piss with their poxy wedding because people pander to it.

[QueenofallIsee]

OP, I MUST know what the 1500 has gone on! I am horribly over invested in a bridezilla story, as i have some doozys of my own......Am thrilled to share me latest from a schoolfriend whose hen was end of Dec! I think that you might even beat her. She asked for Hen pressies that reflected 'how we felt about her' and then cried as they weren't expensive enough (yes really). We interpreted her request as a misguided 'show me the love' thing, so I made a scrapbook of our friendship, bought a bottle of the hideous alcohol we used to drink at 15, found a hat similar to one we wore at 18 etc. Turned out what she meant was 'quantify how much you love me in pounds'

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

What have you spent 1500 on?

[MummyBeerest]

"Emergency things"? It's in fucking November.

I'd talk to the bride and be prepared to bow out.

[cathyscarlett]

Pinefruits this is the breakdown I worked out -

Hen do – 350
Hen do activities – 100
Spending money - 200
Shoes – 125
Dress – 140
Nails – 20
Hair – 30
Hotel room – 200
Make up – 60
Wedding gift – 100
Wedding day drinks – 50

Comes to £1375. I don't think she'll have any idea that we're already paying out that much at all.

Other bridesmaid who agrees with me has just sent a lovely text about how we don't mind doing the letters and bringing the champagne, but the big thing should be that we're all there not that she has loads of gifts to open.

The reply - 'I understand, but when we've been with bride she talks about the wedding and says things like "I'll have all my stuff to open on the night before from you all", and so I think she's expecting things. I understand there's a lot of money going into this but we felt it would be nice for her to have a box of nice things from us all to open, since she's doing it for us. How much do you think is reasonable to spend on it?'

It's really, really not about the money. Argh.

[cathyscarlett]

The shoes, dress and hair above is the bridesmaid outfit, all of which was specified by the bride.

[cathyscarlett]

Queen that is absolute madness! We haven't been allowed to see the wedding dress because she wants the photographer to capture our faces when she comes out in it. She also has told the groom not to turn around when she walks into the church because she wants him to hear the gasps of the guests when they see her...

[Lweji]

Even for 5 days away, 1500 is a lot. Where on earth are you staying at what at least £200 a night?

Just bow out of it, go for one night, and cut, cut, cut on the expenditure.

[TheFutureMrsB]

Reply with I think £0 is the right amount to spend on this! It's madness that she expects this gift anyway!!

[fatlazymummy]

How much is it reasonable to spend on it? Absolutely nothing.
The bride is getting married. Why on earth does she need presents from her bridesmaids?

[Viviennemary]

It sounds the whole thing has got entirely out of hand £1,500 costs for a bridesmaid. I agree with cutting your losses and calling it a day. Honestly, this is beyond madness.

[expatinscotland]

She is doing nothing for you. You are buying your own dress, shoes, makeup, nails, hair.

WHY are you putting up with this? This is not a friend. This is a grabby bitch who orders people around.

'I have reached the top of my budget for this event. I do not have any more money to spend on a goody bag. I will be unable to contribute to this.'

And then you have a word with this gal. No text.

'I cannot afford to be in your wedding. I need to pull out.' No, 'sorry'.

[Chillyegg]

Ahahahha she doesn't want the from to turn around so he can hear the gasps! That's brilliant! Can I come to the wedding she sounds a delight!