To have another rant about friend's wedding

[cathyscarlett]

I posted on here recently about my friend who's getting married in November. I'm a bridesmaid, and the cost is already tipping £1,500 for each of us. She is one of my oldest friends, and she is a really lovely person, but she has become utterly self absorbed and obsessed with her wedding (which she has been planning for the past few years).

I have just received a text from another bridesmaid asking each of the six of us for £45 in order to make a 'bride goody bag' for the night before the wedding, including personalised pyjamas, make up, champagne etc. She has stated that the bride asked her to do this. It's not the cost I mind, I was planning to take champagne for the night before anyway, it's being asked to spend yet more of my money on her wedding.

AIBU to think my friend has a bloody cheek to keep continuously asking us all for more money?

[YonicScrewdriver]

Yes, I think so too. I think it's possible make up for one would cost that but if you are all having it done together, I'd expect it to be less.

Are you going to a salon or is someone coming round?

[CyclopsBee]

Well, my gob is smacked!
I have been a bridesmaid 4 times and never had to buy my dress, or anything for that matter.
Its flippin bonkers.
wish it was next week instead of November

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Ladymariner et al - how could the OP have a rant about the bride and her unreasonable demands without telling us what the unreasonable demands are? How many threads have you seen on here where someone says basically 'there's a huge backstory I don't want to go into, but AIBU not to want to buy the bridezilla a present for the night before the wedding', and lots of people pile in to say 'well, we can't judge unless we have more details!'??

[SuperFlyHigh]

Just as an aside I think it's very bad form for a bride to get her BMs to pay for their dresses regardless of if they can be used again!

My thinking is - it's the Bride's special day, her budget, her choice to have 1 or 10 BMs so she and the groom should be responsible for most if not all of the BMs expenses (hair etc is a bit different if there's eg more than 2 BMs).

if you're on a budget and want a big wedding then scale down/be creative but don't ask for dresses to be paid for etc! If you have lots of money then equally suck it up and pay for the dresses etc don't be so bloody mean!

When my DM and DGM got married (my DM 2 x, DGM 3 x) they both had registry office dos, I think my DM wore Victorian wedding dress and played croquet at her first wedding...

[GraysAnalogy]

Funny how it's okay to let people call your DP a nobhead and every name under the sun but not a friend who's an actual tosser?

[ladymariner]

As I said, I think the bride is apparently behaving appallingly, but why hasn't the op spoken to her about it? Ok, we know the details of it all now, but it isn't us that can put a stop to it.....the op has now had two threads with people all giving her the advice she wants, but she isn't acting upon it.

Fwiw, it's the calling the bride a cunt that I find pretty vile, tbh. If I had a friend from as far back as nursery then no way would I want anyone calling her that. And if she isn't a friend, then what's the problem in the first place.....pull out of the wedding and tell the bride why.

[pictish]

I agree - what makes friends exempt from criticism on here? We slag everyone else off to fuck - partners, parents, in laws, siblings, colleagues...the lot, so what's the biggy with friends?

Some friendships span years and years and those relationships will have its ups and downs. Friends don't always behave well. Sometimes they piss us off.

Why do we have to give someone a row for venting their spleen about a friend?

[PlumpingUpPartridge]

I think people get twitchy because they think their friends might vent about them, pictish, rather than venting their bile to their face. Which would obviously be better and more practical

[lovelychops]

I've spent a morning reading this thread. It's strangely addictive.

With regards to the whole over the top wedding culture we see these days, I blame Pinterest ! Some of the wedding 'inspiration' on three is hideous. Ten bridesmaids, ideas for cringe worthy photos etc. I'm sure I read something on there about 'photo must haves' and there was a suggestion about capturing the grooms face as you walked in. The whole concept and generally brides getting carried away is mind boggling. I think a good rule of thumb for a wedding is to realise that no one really gives as much of a shit as you do.

OP sorry you're going through this bit she's not going to magically change over night. Do something constructive as others have suggested, walk away or get on with it.

[MumsyFoxy]

Ghastly wedding photos ideas:
bride and groom making a heart shape with their hands (like the X factor judges seemed to be doing the whole time, yuk)
Bride and groom's hands placed on top of the flower bouquet
Bride being lifted and held horizontally by the groom, best man, and ushers

[Bogeyface]

Bride being kicked down the stairs by her pissed off bridesmaids
Bride in tears because the gasps werent loud enough
Groom storming off into the sunset with the honeymoon money....

:o

[ladymariner]

Have you got a crystal ball, Bogey ??

[MumsyFoxy]

Ha ha ha ha. I confess (and not proud of it) I actually want for the newlyweds to make a baby and see what she organises for a baby shower

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Well maybe not everybody does rip their friends and family apart and that's their baseline. I wouldn't stand by and see my husband slated here just because he didn't do this or didn't do that.

I've said it on many threads when an OP comes on to vent and some poster ramps up the vent 100 notches and calls the miscreant some horrible names. How do you think that makes the OP feel if she's married to him, friends with her? A shockingly poor judge of character, no? So a nice kick of the OP when they're down too. It's usually topped off with a sneery "I can't understand how you could sleep with him/have a baby with him, OP, really?". Without fail I wonder what the person who says that is really like and whether they have any kind of emotional intelligence at all.

I know it's not the same here, OP is enjoying the trouncing that her friend is getting - and maybe it's justified - but some of the namecalling is too much (in my opinion) and I've said it. This thread and the one before it is sheer martyrdom because there are painless fixes... and maybe OP has done them but is just enjoying herself. Good for her if so.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

agree with lying

its a lot of money. Just tell her you can't afford it/ won't do it.
It's distasteful to read so many ppl enjpying bitching about the b2b fay beyond the disapproval of her unreasonable behaviour.

[kaykayred]

I think it's fine for people to tell it like it is - which is basically this woman is behaving like a spoilt, self indulgent, utterly self absorbed child. People are free to use whatever language they want!

I also think many of the comments about the state of the relationship are quite reasonable - if the bride is investing THIS much, and there are at least some "issues" on the physical side of the relationship, then it's right to say that maybe what the bride actually needs is a discussion about how the relationship itself is going.

The only comments I haven't like are the ones saying things like "I hope the groom doesn't turn up" and things like that. I know they're tongue in cheek, but no-one deserves comments like that, unless they have been banging the best man for the past few months.

As someone getting married this year, I'm really struggling to understand where this woman is coming from. It's true, however, that if you are impressionable, and have the money, then a lot of the bridal websites/magazines/advice sites can make you feel like a total failure if you don't have the box of white doves to send off as you say your vows, with fireworks in the background, etc. They put that kind of nonsense on the "basics" list

It's true though that actually it tends to be a while before the wedding that you have the most to talk about (not that anyone else truly cares!). When it's the run up to the wedding, stuff is pretty much done, and - at least in my view - you're almost sick with it by that point!!

[KitKat1985]

I've read the whole thread and find the whole thing quite sad. I genuinely get the impression by what is being said here that the B2B and the groom probably aren't that happy, and the B2B wants a 'perfect wedding' rather than a perfect marriage. There's going to be a hell of a post-wedding come-down for her, and I doubt the day will live up to her expectations. And things like needing letters from all her BMs detailing how much you all like her... I genuinely can't decide if she really is that narcissistic or she has major self-esteem issues.

As for the cost, I think you just need to say you can't afford any more. For my BMs we were on a bit of a budget so I said I would pay for their outfit (dress and shoes) up to a max of £150. They both however fell in love with a £145 dress each so kindly agreed to pay for their own shoes. I covered the cost of hair, make-up, transport etc. The hen night I organised myself (dinner and drinks somewhere local for an eve so no ridiculous costs or expectation for people to take days out of their lives). The B2B is being very rude in expecting you to pay out for these things yourselves. I bet the other 3 bridesmaids (after you, sensible bridesmaid and enabling bridesmaid) aren't all as happy about it as B2B thinks too.

[simontowers2]

I think this is a hugely entertaining thread, a real eye opener. I am looking forward to the next update. Stop trying to spoil things for the rest of us lying. The OP can vent all she likes.

[SoupDragon]

Fwiw, it's the calling the bride a cunt that I find pretty vile, tbh

I agree with this. I think the Bride has been Bridezilla personified but she's done nothing that deserves being called a cunt.

[SoupDragon]

As for wedding photo suggestions, perhaps these are the sorts of gasps the B2B is after...

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Back again, simon? Nothing anybody says would stop you spouting off. Have you tried waxing?

[Shrekandprincessfiona]

OP we haven't heard from you in a while. Have you spoken to her or Have you backed up the sensible bridesmaid yet? If it were me I would. The bride may have so many enablers that she has lost the sense of the costs incurred by you all so far.

[simontowers2]

You do a fair bit of spouting off yourself lying tbf

[Momagain1]

Shrek: the current crisis, over the requested gifts for the brides requested goody bag, has been resolved, with a back handed apology and whinge about how nobody ever wants to talk about her wedding with the beide, she has to being it up herself.

I am with the crowd that hopes OP manages not to quit/get fired so we can keep hearing this outlandishness.

Our wedding was as small as it could possibly be. Just us and my kids. The one old enough to properly sign her entire name was out main witness. an employee in the next office was our other witness. job done.

[GogoGobo]

This threads like Facebook without the pictures. OP, you sound horrid. Just gently explain to your friend she is being OTT about her wedding - or do you get off on hearing her called a cunt?