To have another rant about friend's wedding

[cathyscarlett]

I posted on here recently about my friend who's getting married in November. I'm a bridesmaid, and the cost is already tipping £1,500 for each of us. She is one of my oldest friends, and she is a really lovely person, but she has become utterly self absorbed and obsessed with her wedding (which she has been planning for the past few years).

I have just received a text from another bridesmaid asking each of the six of us for £45 in order to make a 'bride goody bag' for the night before the wedding, including personalised pyjamas, make up, champagne etc. She has stated that the bride asked her to do this. It's not the cost I mind, I was planning to take champagne for the night before anyway, it's being asked to spend yet more of my money on her wedding.

AIBU to think my friend has a bloody cheek to keep continuously asking us all for more money?

[cathyscarlett]

Hahaha, KingCrimson it wouldn't surprise me. She tried to get us to agree to do a marryoke. That was one suggestion we managed to stop in its tracks. She also said she'd like a Love Actually type scene the night before the wedding, with the groom knocking on the door and holding up signs regarding how much he loves her...

mazylou the groom is absolutely lovely. It baffles me how he puts up with her.

[Fabulous46]

My DD has just pulled out of being a bridesmaid after the bride turned into a bridezilla! The demands included:-

Buying her own dress and shoes (which the bride would choose) (£360)
Paying for her own make up and hair with a make up artist and hairdresser of the brides choosing (£180)
A hen week in a private villa in Ibiza (£580 plus food/drinking money)
Paying to stay at the hotel where the wedding is for 2 nights (£240)
A spa night the night before the wedding at the hotel (cheapest package is £99 but she was accused of being "tight" because she didn't want treatments in the first place). The other bridesmaids were planning a package for the bride (DD share would be £55).

DD is apparently a "selfish cow" for refusing to spend her hard earned cash on her friends wedding. It's fucking ridiculous the amount she was expected to spend. The bridezilla has been planning for 3 years and is now left one bridesmaid down 7 months before her big day. She has also lost a lifelong friend.

[DareGreatly]

Is she going to arrive in a Katie Price-style crystal carriage?

With doves?

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

She also said she'd like a Love Actually type scene the night before the wedding, with the groom knocking on the door and holding up signs regarding how much he loves her...

Laughing.My.Fucking.Arse.Off.

Dear God.

[fatlazymummy]

She sounds like a proper pampered princess. Speaking for myself I could never picture myself with a friend like that, but each to their own.
Just the shoes at £120 would have finished me off, tbh.

[kissmethere]

Wow I can believe this, you really have to draw the line. You have good reason to now

[mazylou]

Taking the piss. A Love, Actually reenactment? The poor bastard. Tell him to run for the hills.

[Spadequeen]

Omg I have soooooooo missed out. I think I'm going to plan another wedding that of course I will invite you all to, oh except those that I say I'm going to invite but I won't, but you will all still come and decorate the hall for me won't you as we're such good friends.

Then I think we'll all go to the Bahamas for a week for my hen do, and of course you'll all chip in to cover my cost, cos after all I am the bride, you know, the most important person in the whole wide world.

I think my gift list will be at Harrods, and I just know you're all dying to get me something expensive to show just how much you all love me. I might just include a poem in the invite asking you all to give money as well.

So hands up who wants to be my bridesmaid. We'll hold auditions in march so you've got time to slim down and decide how best to impress me with what you'll bring to the day, may I suggest gifts could help your application to be my bm.

So what do you think?

[Mixtape]

This is beyond belief!!! What is wrong with some people?!
When I got married, I paid for my bm's outfits, shoes accessories hair and makeup. I also bought them a necklace each. My hen night was an evening in town. None of my BM's got me gifts or made me memory books or anything and I didn't expect them too! One stayed with me the night before and we drank a bottle of cheap fizz and watched Grease!
OP Yanbu, and it sounds as if this wedding is going to put a big strain on your relationship with your friend. You have months to go yet and you are in such a difficult position - on the one hand no one wants to be seen as stingy when an old friend is celebrating something special, and even if you can manage the £1500 that isn't really the point - it is a lot of money to ask someone to spend. It sounds like you could hit the £2k mark by the time this wedding is over.

[expatinscotland]

'She has also lost a lifelong friend.'

Her loss. What a twunt she sounds.

[Mixtape]

"Dear Spadequeen,

Please accept this as my application to be your BM. If you choose me, I will train two white doves to lift your veil as you reach the altar. I will also fly in Michael Buble to sing for your first dance, and I will hand stick 5000 crystals onto the butt of a velour tracksuit spelling out your name."

[ShipwreckedAndComatose]

Love actually scene! Jesus wept!

Please say the groom said no!

[Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses]

When I got married we paid for all dresses etc for the bridesmaids, drinks on the day, and got them all gifts. The only thing they paid for was hair but it was optional, I didn't mind what they did.

MY wedding was partly spoiled by a bridesMAIDzilla and her mother, who took over the whole thing as if it were her getting married. In hindsight I was too laid back and I regret this.

But surely paying for everything for the bridesmaids is the norm??

[Pandora37]

Why on earth are you buying your own dress and shoes? I didn't when I was a bridesmaid. Maybe pay for the make-up and nails as a goodwill gesture if she's hard-up but being expected to pay for your own outfit is terrible. You're doing HER a favour by being her bridesmaid not the other way round and she should act accordingly. January is far too early to be worrying about goody bags, bloody hell. I'd refuse to even entertain any talk of it this early.

[FluffyMcnuffy]

How much has the bride forked out herself for the wedding?

[Lweji]

That Love Actually scene was with the best man.
Is the groom ok with that?

[drbonnieblossman]

I give the marriage a year, tops.

Once normal life has resumed, they will realise the wedding planning was their glue and the groom will realise he cannot possibly spend the rest of his life with this monumental pain in the arse.

If I were you, and given the wedding is bloody months away, I would tell Batshit Bride that you cannot possibly continue with this charade and that you think in her mission to be as materialistic as humanly possible she has lost the plot all perspective on the huge lifelong conmittment she is making. Wish her well and tell her the £1,500 will now be spent on a week in the sun trying to recover from this fiasco, where you will make a toast to her every evening at happy hour.

[MummyBeerest]

Holy.shit.

There's something really...sad?...about a person who thinks this much about their own wedding.

[ShipwreckedAndComatose]

Dare you to send an email to the Bride going on about how much you are looking forward to opening the thank you gifts she and her husband will be presenting to you at the reception speeches and copy in some links to a few ideas of gifts you particularly like.

[Figster]

Eh? Since when do BMs pay for all their stuff? When I got married in 2007 we paid for everything!!! Dresses hair make up shoes bags necklaces as gifts they literally turned up and had a fab day with me. Lazy bitches where was my night before present???

Unbelievable op sounds like she's shown her true colours (and inner madness).

[SuperFlyHigh]

Pampered princess.

I'd personally pull out now but see that's not an option.

Yes baby shower will be next (deep joy)

[Gartenzwerg]

Am I the only one wondering WTF a marryoke is ?

[Ijustdontknowwhattodowithmysel]

Wow people can be dickheads. That's an obscene amount of money!

[GokTwo]

It just gets worse and worse. In contrast Dd who is 12 was bridesmaid for my lovely cousin this summer. Cousin invited her to a beautiful afternoon tea where she asked her by getting the waiter to bring out a gorgeous mug which said "will you be my bridesmaid?" She then asked DD what kind of outfit she would like and had a dress specially made. On the day she gave dd a lovely necklace and there were countless other thoughtful touches that she organised for OTHER people, not herself. What a stark contrast to this selfish, attention seeking woman! That's not to say that you have to spend loads of money on people, it was the kindness and thoughtfulness that really touched us.

[Jackiebrambles]

God I wish I had an invite to this wedding.

Except that she's not springing for the booze.