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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To send DS to a holiday club as I cannot cope with him anymore?

99 replies

MagersfonteinLugg · 24/01/2015 22:26

Am currently sitting in my living room. The lamp no longer works, the sofa has stuffing pulled out of it, there is orange peel all over the floor and the curtains have been pulled down.....all thanks to my "lovely" DS.
This behaviour I should point out is normal everyday shit and usually takes place when I am in the shower.
I am in tears and have finally lost it. His brother and sister are no angels but they never do anything like this.
I want to enjoy the school hols and spend time with my DCs but seem to spend all of the holiday just cleaning up his shit.
So have decided that if any of us are going to enjoy the school holidays then it might be best if he went to a holiday club.
I could then actually do stuff with the other two and enjoy the time with them.
DH thinks I am being unreasonable. But I think the other DCs are missing out due to DS2s shitty behaviour.
AIBU?

OP posts:

notonyourninny · 24/01/2015 22:29

Have you sought help for ds? Yanbu

HaveYouHeardOfGoogle · 24/01/2015 22:29

Sounds tough for everyone. What age is he?

Groovee · 24/01/2015 22:29

How old is he? Is it the holidays just now where you are?

It sounds like you need a break from each other.

TwitterWooooo · 24/01/2015 22:30

Yabu .... Abit. But then again yanbu if him being occupied elsewhere gives everyone else some space to have fun.
Imo you need also work out why he ruins things and why when you are in the shower? Or How old is he?

steff13 · 24/01/2015 22:31

Does he go to school? If so, does the school have issues with his behavior?

Salmotrutta · 24/01/2015 22:32

How old is he?

Is he specifically waiting until you are in the shower before he does these things?

Sounds like he knows exactly how to wind you up tbh.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 24/01/2015 22:32

How old is he?

TendonQueen · 24/01/2015 22:35

Difficult though I can totally see the appeal. A lot depends on ages etc. Though I would also be wondering whether your DH usually has the kids in school hols and if not whether he would take a turn given he doesn't like the holiday club plan.

canweseethebunnies · 24/01/2015 22:35

Does he have a lot of energy? Maybe a sports activity holiday club in the mornings? Then it wouldn't be just sending him away, but giving him a fun activity. Is he better behaved when he's had a physical outlet?

BitOutOfPractice · 24/01/2015 22:38

Oh op you sound at the end of your tether.

I can see your logic but you must know yabu.

How old is he and have you had any professional help with him?

lunar1 · 24/01/2015 22:38

Would you put the others in too at different times so your ds can have some 1:1 time too?

skylark2 · 24/01/2015 22:39

Why can't your DH stop your DS wrecking the house when you are in the shower?

Tbh I think you need to talk to his doctor. That level of behaviour would be unacceptable in a 3 year old, and holiday clubs only take school age children.

Original poster

MagersfonteinLugg · 24/01/2015 22:48

Ds2 is nearly 7. DD is 8 and DS is 12.
They bog miss out a lot as I seem to spend all my time sorting out DS2.
Took him to an indoor adventure place today as he had been nagging all week. Just him and me so got all my attention. When we left after 3 hours he demanded I buy him a new game for his wii. I explained that he had been given the choice of the game OR the indoor play thing. He chose one but was now demanding both! I asked why he couldn't be satisfied with the last 3 hours and he said I was being mean and to stop upsetting him.
When we got home I went to see DS1 who asked me to play on his PS3 with him. After 5 mins DS2 started kicking off with his sister winding her up and trashing her bedroom so I had to go and sort that out. This left DS1 abandoned again as usual which left me feeling guilty on his behalf IYSWIM.
At school he is Peter perfect so saves it all for me. Just think it would be nice to spend some quality time with DD and DS1 when the school hols come around instead of following DS2 around with a dustpan, screwdriver and repair kit!

OP posts:

LadyLuck10 · 24/01/2015 22:49

Yanbu, do it.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 24/01/2015 22:51

YABU to consider alienating one child to spend time with the others.

You need to look for ways of improving his behaviour permanently.

esiotrot2015 · 24/01/2015 22:53

But can't dh look after him tomorrow for example & you have quality time with the eldest two ?

Have you thought about contacting your hv to have him assessed?

WhenMarnieWasThere · 24/01/2015 22:54

If he manages to be Peter Perfect at school then this sounds like it's all down to choices he is making - attention seeking ones at that.

saintlyjimjams · 24/01/2015 22:54

Get in a mother's help? Will be the same cost as holidaycare. My ds3 sounds similar. We've always had extra people in to to help out with disabled ds1 in holidays but the best ones have really helped out with ds3 as well. An extra pair of hands can make a difference.

CalicoBlue · 24/01/2015 22:55

If he spoils things for the other two, put him in holiday club for a couple of days and have a nice time with them.

However, I do think that you need to find the cause of his behaviour.

ghostyslovesheep · 24/01/2015 22:57

ask for help - I have a child with similar issues - it got very distressing - CAMHS and social services both ended up involved

things are a lot lot better because I learned to cope

it sounds tough OP and I am sorry x My DD would smash things up, self harm, run away from home/school - aged 11

she is much happier now - as are her sisters and I - we laugh more and life is a lot less stressful - please ask for help xxxx

Fairenuff · 24/01/2015 22:58

After 5 mins DS2 started kicking off with his sister winding her up and trashing her bedroom so I had to go and sort that out.

What were the consequences for his behaviour?

IsItMeOr · 24/01/2015 23:04

Have you tried asking your GP for an assessment?

WhenMarnieWasThere is completely wrong about the difference in behaviour at school and home. This is an extremely common pattern seen with children with e.g. ASD. School is very stressful for them, but they manage to hold it together until they feel safe at home, and then let it all out. But school is the source of the stress. It makes it very hard for parents to get the support they and their DC need.

Longdistance · 24/01/2015 23:06

See, if my 3.5 and 5 yo ddds did any if these things, I'd make them pick up the Orange peel and bin it, have a stern word about the broken lamp, and a major word about the curtain yanked off. They'd lose a privilege.

Dd (5) was using scissors only the other day. She made a mess with all the paper on the floor. I made her tidy it up, and bin it, and is barred from using the scissors. That's just one example.

What happens when he has thus 'shitty' behaviour?

IsItMeOr · 24/01/2015 23:06

OP - have you tried reading the Explosive Child by Ross Greene? It has a technique for trying to deal with challenging behaviours, which you might find helpful.

ghostyslovesheep · 24/01/2015 23:06

yes IsItMeOr is spot on - children with asd and similar can be very good at masking it in school

do ask for help and support - honestly you can get past this and make things better

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