To have a messy house, be unorganised, meal plans fail etc and I'm a SAHM

[Totallyuseless31]

I'm a stay at home mum to a toddler and a school age child. I drop dh at work every morning, then DD1 to school then I have basically 9-3 with my toddler. I pick DD1 up from school at 3.30 and DH up from work at 6. I can never get dinner ready for when we come in so DDs get overtired and go to bed late as dinner is late. My house is a tip and could do with a good clean. DH works overtime every weekend as the pay is double and is more than my full time earning power in his 2 days overtime. I do sell a lot of bits and bobs on eBay in the evenings so need to visit the post office most days. I currently do not take DD1 to any toddler groups and this is something I would like to start, as well as having a clean house (it will never be completely tidy lol) and meals that are home cooked and ready for when we come home in the evenings. But I just cannot seem to do this! I do not seem to have the motivation or organisation required. How do I achieve this? Surely 9-3 is enough time to get everything done? Plus I have weekends on my own which I could utilise. I know a full time working mum who runs a better home than me and she is single as well with ex having no access and she has no family help. What am I doing wrong? I need help to become organised!

Dh is worn out too, from working 7 days a week and also dd wakes us both in the night as she also kicks us when she screams. In the day she is so happy but at night she is clearly not. She is teething and also has had a lot if illnesses since other dd started school. I also wonder if she is hungry or thirsty as she doesn't drink milk since she was 1 she hates cows milk and doesn't have a bottle anymore. She does eat a lot though, although not always due to teething

Do you have timer delay function on your washing machine OP? I always load my washer at night before bed and set it to come on in the early hours. The clothes are ready to sort when you get up in the morning/back from the school run.

Baby steps OP. Stop looking for solutions on the tinternet and connect with real people who are in exactly the same situation as you.
Get you arse off to the local library or children's centre and meet with like minded people. Who knows, you and dd might actually have a good time.
There is so much rubbish spouted about parenthood but the reality is that most of us muddle through it and go on to have very happy balanced children.

Perhaps take a sports bottle or sippy cup of water to bed to give her? She might be thirsty. DS2 has always been a mouth breather and would often wake for a drink, so always had access to water.

Do you have to pick your husband up? That time of day is always a bit chaotic in our house getting dinner ready whilst trying to occupy two tired children. I wouldn't fancy leaving the house in the middle of it. Can't he get himself home?

Good idea she has a sports bottle I could use for night water, I'm a bit scared of creating a new waking for water habit though lol

I appreciate the sleep deprivation is awful (I've been there) but I would suggest you cut out your nap. By not catching up on your missed sleep during the day, it may hep you to get back to sleep once you've been woken in the night. I have had one very bad sleeper. She's 8 now but still wakes me up a couple of times a night. Catching up on sleep in the day has never been an option since I work full-time which means I'm so tired at night that I really can't keep my eyes open for more than a few seconds, even when she wakes me. It might not work for you but it's worth a go.

Get the slow cooker out and go and buy the ingredients for a beef stew tomorrow. If your slow cooker is big enough, get enough to make double (I use 2x packs of cubed stewing steak, 2x onions, 8-10 carrots, 5-6 parsnips, 2x packets of Beef stew mix, 6-7 medium potatoes). If you can get this prepped and going before you leave on the school run, you'll feel a real sense of achievement for the rest of the day and you won't have to cook again for another 48 hours.

Is there any chance your DH could use public transport or cycle to work, at least a couple of times a week? That would stop you having this hiatus at 6pm every day.

Lastly, as you go through the day jot down all the jobs, chores, and activities that you have done. Keep that up for a couple of weeks and then look back at it. You're probably achieving more than you think you are.

My DS1 has water of a night by his bed so if he wakes he can get it. He was like your DD in that he kept waking up, anything you can do to get a little more sleep is worth it IMO. Could you take the DC to the park after school on dry days so that DD2 can get tired out (hopefully) and will sleep a little better so you can try and re-stablish a good sleep routine.

No there is no transport home for husband, he works on a industrial site with only 2 bus services a day and his shift finishes 30 mins after the last bus :( that is the worst part of the day, when he is on annual leave I can actually get a decent dinner and kids to bed on time and even give them a bath, at the moment they get showered first thing in the morning instead which they hate

Cheap second car? Moped or bike for your dh?

Well toddler is awake screaming, she did two hours tonight before first waking so better than usual. I will check back tomorrow night to see any more posts (as tomorrow daytime is my first no internet day- I wonder if I can manage it!) thanks again everyone xx

how far away is the school?? Could your husband not take the car and you walk Dr to school? then go straight to park/library etcwith toddler??

dd to school..Not dr

cba to read the full thread.

You're sleep deprived, and as such I'm not surprised you're struggling.

I say this as someone with 13+ years full-time working posters parenthood under her belt.

Ffs. Random posters there

After school run I try and do as many things as I can pre 11. Including prepping dinner and making lunches for the next day.

At 11 I will then go to the shops / PO if necessary.

Lunch at 12

Then I have the afternoon to chill a bit (work evenings) and just potter.

Feed the kids 4.30 then one of you can put them to bed after you've picked your H up while the other does dinner.

Sounds like your toddlers sleep issue is because she is going to bed too late so overtired and needs more routine, you could also cut out / down her nap depending on her age?

A night time routine will probably help hun. Then once you've managed to sort her sleeping out you'll have more energy to try and set a day time routine. I wouldn't recommend giving water at night as that may make potty training more difficult. www.supernanny.co.uk/Advice/-/Parenting-Skills/Getting-Toddlers-to-Stay-in-Bed.aspx

Only useful thing I can think of to add, is that if you want a clean house, then just clean it through in an hour or two in one day , all at once, as in not just the kitchen, Hoover right through and feather dust , wipe down, bring down washing and wipe sinks take off sheets and replace, all in one fell swoop till it's done.
It won't be perfect but it will be decent and hoovered and that's all you need.

Don't ban yourself from the internet completely during the day! Set yourself a couple of half hours when you will let yourself go on it, and stick to it! Treat it as a little treat after you have got some boring things done. What about writing a list of the essential things you want to get done during the day - the tea, some washing, a quick tidy etc, don't set too much, and once you've done your drop offs, do the jobs on your list, giving yourself your internet time, some time with your lo, and fit in a toddler group a couple of times a week.

I personally HAVE to write a list of what I need to get done in the day, and I cross them off as I do them.

I also let myself have a bit of time on the internet, and/or watching a bit of TV.

I get to toddler group once or twice a week, and my lo goes to nursery on the 2 half days that I work.

Don't beat yourself up! It's hard to keep a tidy house with a toddler. And a full day of housework when you are tired is pretty soul destroying and unnecessary!!What's more important is that you are all leading happy lives.

I think you might feel a bit happier if you get out a bit more and have a chat with some other mums too.

Hope you feel better soon.

I know hubby is tired to but the children need a bed time routine, if he puts them in the bath for you, you can get the tea on and the kids will have wound down a bit before bed x

Also baby wipes are good for dusting, your toddler can help. My dd loves going round with her wipe. Lol!

OP, I am the most disorganised person in the world but I've found having a chalkboard in the kitchen and always having a notebook works absolute wonders.
Depression absolutely kills your energy and motivation so please try to see somebody about that.
Lots of soft plays have WiFi so maybe once a week take your toddler to soft play with your laptop and do some of your eBaying whilst keeping an eye on them, they'll be absolutely worn out so you can get more done.

When I was suffering really badly from depression I wrote myself a daily to-do list, literally things like 'get dressed' 'eat a proper meal' just to make sure I was pushing myself to do those little things you just can't face, especially when you can't even cope with the thought of leaving the house. It doesn't necessarily work for everyone but it really helped me.

I thought I had written your post. Honestly I had to think a out whether I had name changed!

I have 4 DC, including a 3 year old and an almost 2 year old. I'm a single parent.

My 2 year old has a similar sleep pattern to yours. He has a sleep disorder and is under a paediatrician for it. Maybe something to look in to? It is soul distroying.

I would cut out the day time nap, I know that means you won't sleep either, but I compensate by going to bed at 8pm. I get up for the day around 3.30am. Which sounds mad but it means I get a bigger chunk of sleep than if I go up at 11pm and try and sleep until 6. I get the bulk of my housework done very early in the morning instead of trying to do it in the evening whilst going back and forth up the stairs to breastfeed my DS back to sleep every half hour. It also eases the frustration of being stuck upstairs when I have things to do downstairs.

(This is one of the times that being a single parent is easier I think, I have no one making demands on my time and can set my own routine)

It also means that after the morning school run is done, I have nothing to feel that I have to get on with, I can sit and play on the internet or drink tea. I don't do baby groups. They bore me to bits. None of my DC have ever been worse off for spending time playing or watching DVDs and I spend time reading and singing songs etc.

The advice I can give about housework and motivation is to get a skip and a load of black bags and just chuck anything and everything you don't use, like or need. I have been known, when everything had got on top of me to chuck my washing up out and buy a cheap replacement dinner service for £5.99 from wilkinsons. Skips are awesome.

You do what you need to to survive.

Sometimes I play a game with myself (the fun never stops in my house!) and see how much I can get done in the time it takes for the kettle to boil or the bread to toast. Surprisingly it all adds up during the day. Then the cup of tea is my reward.

I don't bother getting dressed if in not going out. It creates more washing and ironing and I have enough to be getting on with.

I make time every day, just an hour, for me. I bought a DVD boxset, and watch an episode with a hot drink. It's little things like that, that will get you through.

Look into 2 year funding (or sometimes for younger children too), speak to your HV about it, make sure she knows about the depression. My DS starts pre school the day after he turns 2, just two mornings a week but I will have a whole 6 hours a week to myself. I'm going to go swimming. I'm not going to use it for housework, I want to do something for me.

Take short cuts with food. Microwave mash, pre chopped veg, microwave veg, some people will sneer at it but who cares. Cook in the bag chicken means no messy oven pan to clean afterwards. Stick it in the oven, pop mash and veg in the microwave 10 minutes before you want to serve and you have a cooked dinned with no pans to wash.

Do you have any friends? When I used to have friends we would take it in turns to go to each other's house, she would watch the children whilst I cleaned and vice versa.