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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It is dh's birthday and .....

164 replies

PopTarts · 24/01/2015 16:32

And we've had a tiff last night so we're both at home sulking.
I think it was because he was 'in the mood', I wasn't, he got a bit huffy and kept turning around in the bed in a mood, and woke me up once as id just fallen asleep by pulling the duvet. I was really annoyed so snapped at him, a few cross words were exchanged, and then we both fell asleep - on our own sides.

Background context: We're usually very close, unless we have a tiff. And when we do, we're both as stubborn and childish as fuck. I have long long days at home with two dc while he works long long hours - we're both always tired and it's been a bad week business wise with some financial loss.
I also have the feeling he was expecting some kind of birthday 'thing' at 12, and it never happened. I havnt planned anything for his birthday or even bought a card. We'd planned on going out for a meal today.

This morning he woke up, took dc to club and went to work. While he was there I sent him a text saying about how annoyed and upset I was about last night. He's come home and I ignored him and so he is now in bed...

Aibu? Did he spoil his own birthday or am I?
What would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
PopTarts · 24/01/2015 16:36

And our tiff is so stupid it doesn't even warrant an answer Confused

OP posts:
watchingthedetectives · 24/01/2015 16:36

I think it's mean not to get him a present or a card. I also think you are both to blame but as it's his birthday you could be a bit conciliatory

purpleponcho · 24/01/2015 16:37

Tbh I think you should have texted happy birthday, not prolonged bickering in that way.

Chubbychopsmolly · 24/01/2015 16:37

Yes you should have got over it for the sake of his birthday, you were very heartless

Original poster
PopTarts · 24/01/2015 16:37

Oh thanks watching - was beginning to feel really immature - as I'm sure it is! Anyway....hmm..

OP posts:
Original poster
PopTarts · 24/01/2015 16:38

Heartless? Really?! Blush

OP posts:
DoJo · 24/01/2015 16:39

Would you normally give him a card and plan something for his birthday?

Perhaps he is more upset that instead of getting up with him and giving him a card/present you were trying to continue the argument from last night today rather than leaving it alone and starting afresh.

I don't think that you should accept unreasonable behaviour just because it's his birthday, but given that it sounds as though you were both as bad as each other last night, I would have thought that you could have sent him a happy birthday text today rather than one which seems designed to exacerbate the situation. Ignoring him is ridiculous under any circumstances - how on earth is that going to resolve anything?

Original poster
PopTarts · 24/01/2015 16:40

I was going to buy him some vouchers. I had the best of intentions, I did .. It just doesn't happen for some reason. Confused

OP posts:
DoJo · 24/01/2015 16:41

Did you get the kids to make him a card? Or a present?

DoJo · 24/01/2015 16:41

Or sing to him?

Original poster
PopTarts · 24/01/2015 16:42

I don't do singing dojo !

Yes! Dd made him a card... And has given it to him when he came home... I heard him say how lovely it was and thanking her..

OP posts:
Alya81 · 24/01/2015 16:43

I think it is a little sad that you couldn't even wish him a happy birthday, or stop sulking over such a non-event tbh. How would you feel if the tables were turned?

flimmyflam · 24/01/2015 16:43

Er why are you even asking this? Do you really expect someone to say - oh you are totally reasonable not to acknowledge your husband's birthday because you had a stupid tiff last night? If it's got to 4 and you haven't spoken to each other all day (!) honestly I'd advise you to go and apologise (even if it wasn't 100%) and give him a cuddle now, then take him out for a lovely meal tonight or tomorrow.

BitOutOfPractice · 24/01/2015 16:44

YABU. There was certainly no need to text him to start the argument again today while he was at work. In fact I think YABU to even be having an argument in the first pace abouta bit of duvet wrangling to be honest (that applies to both of you!)

I also think YABU for not getting him a card or gift as well. That's really mean.

So all in all I think you need to get over yourself and go and make friends

flimmyflam · 24/01/2015 16:44
  • that should read 100% your fault
googoodolly · 24/01/2015 16:44

Did you at least get him something from the DC? Because if not that is a bit shitty, sorry.

I also think that as it's his birthday, an apology and a "happy birthday, I have a table booked at X for tonight" would have been preferable to a continuation of the fight.

Mydelilah · 24/01/2015 16:45

So you didn't buy him a card or anthing to mark his birthday? I'd be in a tiff if my dh showed me so litte thought or attention I'd also be pretty pissed off if he bought me something as unthinking as vouchers too

ImBatDog · 24/01/2015 16:45

honestly?

you sound childish and horrible.

You couldn't even be arsed to wish him happy birthday or buy him a card or present? Some girlfriend you are... your idea of him having a nice birthday is continuing a stupid tiff from the night before.

You need to grow up.

If my DH did to me, what you've done to him, i'd tell him to go fuck himself, i really would.

As for your question YOU spoiled it. well done!

Quitelikely · 24/01/2015 16:45

I think that as it's his birthday you should be the one saying lets get past this and celebrate your birthday. If not I hope a similar fate befalls you on your birthday just so you get a taste of your own medicine.

DoJo · 24/01/2015 16:45

I meant the kids singing really, but you never know what might float someone else's boat! Can you order him an evoucher now so it will be emailed to him straight away, take his phone/laptop/print-out up to him and make up? It seems a shame to let this fester given that it is his birthday and you have acknowledged the pettiness of the row already! Plus it will be a much nicer night for both of you to spend it together over a takeaway rather than in separate rooms being mad over nothing...

maddy68 · 24/01/2015 16:45

You sound pretty horrible.

Carrying on a tiff on his birthday and not even getting him a card?

Cantbelievethisishappening · 24/01/2015 16:45

YANBU to be annoyed this his tantrum last night.
YABU for not acknowledging his birthday in some way, texting him re:row, he comes home and you go back to ignoring him. Hmm

BalloonSlayer · 24/01/2015 16:46

But your not getting him a card was nothing to do with your tiff.

You just hadn't got him one. That's bad.

I feel sorry for him actually.

Think you need to do some apologising.

Pancakeflipper · 24/01/2015 16:47

Go out and get him a cake ( with candles obviously). All of you sing happy birthday to him.
And go out tonight and be nice to each other.

You've had a tiff. It will turn into shitty stubborn silence for days if you on like this.

WorraLiberty · 24/01/2015 16:47

He was immature to get huffy because you didn't fancy sex.

You're both immature to keep up this sulky silence.

More importantly, it's a really horrible way for kids to live when neither of their parents are speaking to each other.

They pick up on it and it spoils the mood in the house for everyone.