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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It is dh's birthday and .....

164 replies

PopTarts · 24/01/2015 16:32

And we've had a tiff last night so we're both at home sulking.
I think it was because he was 'in the mood', I wasn't, he got a bit huffy and kept turning around in the bed in a mood, and woke me up once as id just fallen asleep by pulling the duvet. I was really annoyed so snapped at him, a few cross words were exchanged, and then we both fell asleep - on our own sides.

Background context: We're usually very close, unless we have a tiff. And when we do, we're both as stubborn and childish as fuck. I have long long days at home with two dc while he works long long hours - we're both always tired and it's been a bad week business wise with some financial loss.
I also have the feeling he was expecting some kind of birthday 'thing' at 12, and it never happened. I havnt planned anything for his birthday or even bought a card. We'd planned on going out for a meal today.

This morning he woke up, took dc to club and went to work. While he was there I sent him a text saying about how annoyed and upset I was about last night. He's come home and I ignored him and so he is now in bed...

Aibu? Did he spoil his own birthday or am I?
What would you do?

OP posts:
ImBatDog · 24/01/2015 16:48

*wife, not girlfriend.. read dh as dp for some reason

and yes, did you get him anything from the DCs? has he even had ANY acknowledgement of his birthday from you or the kids?

and really, he's had to go to work, and he's took the dc's somewhere while you lay in bed, on his birthday?

Wow.. just... wow.

Is this some kind of reverse? because really, i can't imagine anyone would actually really be that fucking nasty, i can't.. really. Shock

SurlyCue · 24/01/2015 16:49

Both pretty immature (i hate sulkers and just dont tolerate it from anyone) but i think you should have been the bigger person and put the row aside for today and started the day afresh this morning with birthday wishes and gone for the meal. Go now and give him a hug, suggest putting the row behind you both and going out. Apologise for lack of present and promise to make it up to him.

Original poster
PopTarts · 24/01/2015 16:49

Hang on! I didn't get him a card because he's not usually a card kinda guy or even too bothered about presents. He would have preferred vouchers to me buying him something that he just wouldn't wear or whatever. But I was taken aback when at 12 he seemed abit disappointed ... And that's why I regretted not making more of an effort. But then he was an arse about not getting any, so we had this tiff... Which yes I admit I dragged into today.. Confused

OP posts:
TheWitTank · 24/01/2015 16:49

I think you were a bit off with the text saying you were annoyed -why string out the argument, especially such a trivial one. You should have just said happy birthday, see you for our meal later or something like that.
I've seen many a pissed off upset mum on here, crying because they havent received a card or a happy birthday. Their partner is usually destroyed by the mumsnet vipers (me included). So yes, ywbu to not get him a card at the very least. Sounds like a fucking miserable birthday.

gamerchick · 24/01/2015 16:49

You didn't get him a card even? Even the pain in the backsides don't do birthdays bods like a card even if they don't admit it?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 24/01/2015 16:49

He got the hump because he wanted sex and you didn't, he then sulked about it and tried to disrupt your sleep, that's being twattish.

I'd try and talk to him as it's a long night otherwise.

JanineStHubbins · 24/01/2015 16:49

Wait a second, the tiff started because your DH got huffy with you because you didn't want to have sex? And he punished you by sulking ostentatiously in bed?

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 24/01/2015 16:49

Yanbu.

Getting huffy with his wife because you wouldn't have sex with him is unacceptable.

Tbh I would be raging if DH tried to make me feel guilty over not giving him sex.

ImBatDog · 24/01/2015 16:50

and right now?

i'd get my arse to the shop, get him a card, a birthday cake and some kind of token present, and go grovel.

formerbabe · 24/01/2015 16:51

Can't believe so many on here are having a go at the op. I don't think she is the one in the wrong.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 24/01/2015 16:51

Can I ask why is this a trival matter.

Punishing his wife for not having sex by disturbing her sleep all night is not on.

Being in a relationship does mean sex on tap.

ImBatDog · 24/01/2015 16:51

no card, no present, not even a birthday shag.. poor bloke.

JanineStHubbins · 24/01/2015 16:53

I can't believe the nasty posts to you either OP. You were well within your rights to send that text - you are not there to service your husband with sex whenever he feels like it, and for him to punish you like that is completely unacceptable. I'd be fuming as well, if I were you, birthday or no birthday.

Original poster
PopTarts · 24/01/2015 16:53

'Not even a birthday shag'? Hmm Wow,

OP posts:
DancingDinosaur · 24/01/2015 16:53

Amazon voucher, quickly!

SurlyCue · 24/01/2015 16:53

Actually just seen that you sent him a text on his birthday to tell him how annoyed you were with him over a bit of duvet wrangling!

Thats pretty mean. Catch a grip of your childish behaviour before your DCs start forming these as habits for how relationships should be. It isnt normal.grow up.

ImBatDog · 24/01/2015 16:54

lets see.

she doesn't make ANY effort for his birthday, so when in bed, tries it on with his wife, gets rebuffed and gets 'a bit huffy' (ops words) then gets yelled at for pulling the duvet over a bit hard and waking her up.

he gets up, no card, no present, not even a 'happy birthday' takes the kids to a club, then goes to work, doesn't even get a 'happy birthday' text, just one CARRYING ON THE ROW, gets home, still no card, no present, no happy birthday, gets ignored by his wife.

and he's the one in the wrong?

wow.. really. fuck that.

JanineStHubbins · 24/01/2015 16:55

Catch a grip of your childish behaviour before your DCs start forming these as habits for how relationships should be. It isnt normal.grow up.

But demanding sex from your wife and sulking with her when she doesn't want to is, presumably, fine?

FFS, some of the posts on this thread Angry

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 24/01/2015 16:57

There are some quite bizarre posts here, 'birthday shag' indeed.

BitOutOfPractice · 24/01/2015 16:57

The OP is only guessing that he might have wanted sex. So let's not go down that road eh?

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 24/01/2015 16:57

I think you've been quite mean op, mean yes he acted like a berk last night, but then we all act like a berk sometimes, there's no need to then not make any effort for his birthday, if I was him I would be feeling hurt and confused.

BitOutOfPractice · 24/01/2015 16:58

Janine where does it say he demanded sex?

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 24/01/2015 16:58

This is how abuse starts in relationships.

Perhaps the op should have forced her self to have sex, he wouldn't have gotten huffy and PA kept wrangling with the blanket.

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture.

SurlyCue · 24/01/2015 16:58

But demanding sex from your wife and sulking with her when she doesn't want to is, presumably, fine

Where did i say that? Confused if e was here posting i'd be telling him he was a knob for huffing over not getting sex and for keeping her awake. He isnt- so i'm adressing the person who is here and is asking the questions!

He is a dick too. They both are. You'll notice in the first line of my first post i said they were both immature and that i could t stand sulkers.

ImBatDog · 24/01/2015 17:00

where does she say he demanded sex? did you read the op or just skim it?

"I think it was because he was 'in the mood', I wasn't, he got a bit huffy"

i see no demand? she doesn't even know for sure if thats what it was about.