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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

It is dh's birthday and .....

164 replies

PopTarts · 24/01/2015 16:32

And we've had a tiff last night so we're both at home sulking.
I think it was because he was 'in the mood', I wasn't, he got a bit huffy and kept turning around in the bed in a mood, and woke me up once as id just fallen asleep by pulling the duvet. I was really annoyed so snapped at him, a few cross words were exchanged, and then we both fell asleep - on our own sides.

Background context: We're usually very close, unless we have a tiff. And when we do, we're both as stubborn and childish as fuck. I have long long days at home with two dc while he works long long hours - we're both always tired and it's been a bad week business wise with some financial loss.
I also have the feeling he was expecting some kind of birthday 'thing' at 12, and it never happened. I havnt planned anything for his birthday or even bought a card. We'd planned on going out for a meal today.

This morning he woke up, took dc to club and went to work. While he was there I sent him a text saying about how annoyed and upset I was about last night. He's come home and I ignored him and so he is now in bed...

Aibu? Did he spoil his own birthday or am I?
What would you do?

OP posts:

formerbabe · 24/01/2015 17:24

I'm genuinely amazed by the responses on here!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 24/01/2015 17:25

formerbabe you and me both.

ImBatDog · 24/01/2015 17:27

are you formerbabe? why?

do you think its ok for the op to have treated her dh so badly just because he huffed a bit and pulled the duvet over?

you think its ok that he's had absolutely zero acknowledgement of his birthday until gone 5pm over a stupid arguement?

Original poster

PopTarts · 24/01/2015 17:29

Stillstayingclassy - I guess it's been a difficult week for our business, we've had a significant loss and he called me at one point during the week saying he was close to tears because of all the problems they were having at once that day.
Thinking about it now, he does get like this when he's really stressed, and then withdraws into himself like he is doing now, in bed at 4pm.
I've just been so tired at home on my own with the dc , I haven't really paid it much attention.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 24/01/2015 17:30

He has spent the afternoon sulking in bed.

formerbabe · 24/01/2015 17:30

Batdog...I am amazed that people are saying the op should apologise! For what? I think he should apologise for getting huffy. It is irrelevant that today is his birthday IMO.

Sparklingbrook · 24/01/2015 17:31

He may be sulking in bed about his birthday and upset about the business. but it's the weekend. He could spend some time with the DC maybe, his birthday aside.

ImBatDog · 24/01/2015 17:33

for what? seriously? my god...

Sparklingbrook · 24/01/2015 17:34

TheWitTank · 24/01/2015 17:34

The double standard on mn never ceases to amaze me either.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 24/01/2015 17:35

Erm, yes. It's not ok for a man to sulk because his wife doesn't fancy a shag at that moment. It's never ok. We ask have the right to say no and not face consequences like that. What, is she supposed to have sex with him even if she doesn't want to? Sine fucking attitude to 'wifely duties' that is.

But OP you have been totally unreasonable today. For fuck's sake, go and say sorry for prolonging the argument with that text, say happy birthday and tell him you are all going for dinner now.

formerbabe · 24/01/2015 17:35

for what? seriously? my god..

Yes, what is the op apologising for?

ImBatDog · 24/01/2015 17:39

for not acknowledging his birthday in any way, either on her own behalf or his childrens. For prolonging a stupid row, for sending a shitty text and for ignoring him...

i'm amazed that needs pointing out!

LovesBooks · 24/01/2015 17:39

Formerbabe seriously she should not apologise for not acknowledging the guy's birthday at all?

For sending his a shitty text and ignoring him all day.

Their argument last night was barely a argument. It was stupid and did not have to last until the morning. All couples have arguments but you sleep on it, you apoligise in the morning, your partner apologises and jobs done, you move on and enjoy the day.

Sparklingbrook · 24/01/2015 17:40

He should apologise for going off to bed at 4pm on a Saturday afternoon leaving the OP with the children, and having a long sulk.

TheWitTank · 24/01/2015 17:41

It sounds like he has had a seriously shitty week all in all. He probably couldn't give a crap about going for dinner with his pissed off other half after a disappointing birthday, hugely stressful work week, financial worries - if he is at the crying stage I would imagine he just needs a bit of time to himself to just rest. Sending him a horrible text on his birthday knowing he is near breaking point anyway was probably the icing on the cake. I would actually be worried about him, not fuming over a trivial tiff the night before.

googoodolly · 24/01/2015 17:41

For refusing to acknowledge her husbands birthday until gone 5pm? For ignoring him when he got home? That's pretty shitty behaviour and if a woman came on here and said her husband and behaved like that, the replies would be very different.

formerbabe · 24/01/2015 17:42

for not acknowledging his birthday in any way, either on her own behalf or his childrens. For prolonging a stupid row, for sending a shitty text and for ignoring him...

i'm amazed that needs pointing out!

And the fact he got huffy because his wife wasn't in the mood for sex is unimportant because it is his birthday.... Righto

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 24/01/2015 17:42

ImBatDog yes you do seem overly angry on this thread.

googoodolly · 24/01/2015 17:43

He never said he was huffy! The OP ASSUMED he was and carried the fight on all day by sending him a shirty text and ignoring him when he got home from work. No wonder the poor guy is upset, especially if he's had as bad a week as the OP has said.

ImBatDog · 24/01/2015 17:45

yes Still, because if the situation had been reversed, and the OP had been on here giving her DH's side of the story, people would be up in arms, telling her to LTB.

But no, because he's a bloke, he should just suck it up, infact, he should be bright and breezy and act like nothing happened and be playing with his children!

the double standards DO piss me off. God forbid a man actually have feelings!

LovesBooks · 24/01/2015 17:45

Formerbabe no body is saying he was right for getting huffy last night but seriously it was one minor thing last night. No need again to carry it on today. Give the guy a break, he has been very stressed by the sounds of it. If my oh had been reduced near to tears, damn right I would have at least got him a birthday card.

both op and her partner have made a much bigger deal of this than it needed to be

Original poster

PopTarts · 24/01/2015 17:45

Right, he's up and showering ... Still doesn't seem too cheerful but I'll overlook that part... For now

OP posts:

EdSheeran · 24/01/2015 17:46

You've both been unreasonable, although I think his initial strop was ridiculously unreasonable. Pop your head in; kiss/cuddle and ask him again if he wants to go out.

Original poster

PopTarts · 24/01/2015 17:47

Yes Ed, I did go in again and asked nicely and said let's make up now, you were huffy and so was I, let's not drag it out on your birthday.etc

OP posts:

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