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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD been off school sick today and wants to go to a party this evening

220 replies

Waitingfordolly · 23/01/2015 16:20

Stomach ache (though no sickness or diarrhoea) and generally looking peaky, although she does seem a lot better now. She's 11. I have said no she can't go to the party. She is upstairs in floods of tears saying that everyone else's mum would let them go. AIBU?

OP posts:
ChocolateWombat · 23/01/2015 19:38

No school=No party
One day she will same the same to her own children and you will smile.

Stillyummy · 23/01/2015 19:44

Yanbu, if she asks why say "it could turn into stomac flue and I don't want you crapping yourself in public" you only have her best interests at heart.

fascicle · 23/01/2015 19:47

kittensinmydinner
These replies are completely illogical

Inclined to agree. What is this rule that if you wake up feeling ill, you have to be ill for the rest of the day? That if you're better at the end of the day, you can't have felt ill at the beginning of the day? Fairer to decide each case on its own merits.

HairyOrk · 23/01/2015 19:49

No school no party.

QTPie · 23/01/2015 19:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Hullygully · 23/01/2015 19:51

Quite right.

I had a headache for two hours this morning and I cancelled my summer holiday. And next year's for good measure.

It's just so rational.

Madamecastafiore · 23/01/2015 19:52

She would be in bed if she was off school in this house. Deffo no party.

Biscetti · 23/01/2015 19:56

If she had 'form' for taking a sickie, I'd say no school, no party.

If she genuinely felt rubbish but now feels much better I think it's pretty harsh tbh. Obviously I'm in the minority, but I'd let her go if this was the case.

DoJo · 23/01/2015 19:57

It's a life lesson. She should understand that if it was you off sick from work you could not then go out in the evening. You're not being mean. It's just how life is.

It's not though really, is it? I work for myself now, but when I was employed, I would assess how I felt at the time rather than impose a fairly arbitrary rule even if I felt better. It's certainly not a life lesson I will be teaching my children.

fascicle · 23/01/2015 21:02

How would the 'no school no party'/'ill all day or you're not ill' posters react to a call from school to say your child is ill, can you pick them up? I'd be very surprised if anybody said: 'Sorry no. My child was well this morning, they can't be ill now'.

Quitethewoodsman · 23/01/2015 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fascicle · 23/01/2015 21:09

Because they didn't believe they were ill, or for logistical reasons?

dexter73 · 23/01/2015 21:09

You can become ill quite suddenly. Miracle recoveries because there is a party are a different matter!

SoupDragon · 23/01/2015 21:10

My child was well this morning, they can't be ill now

How is that at all similar?

londonrach · 23/01/2015 21:16

Yanbu no school no party.....

CeliaLytton · 23/01/2015 21:17

Some posters have said that they have not felt well enough to go to work but then well enough to go out later.

I have to be really really rough to not go to work, no recovering from that in a few hours! If I feel a bit crap and have work during the day and a night out, I realise I will probably manage one or the other so I go to work and rest in the evening.

I think that's where the logic lies for the OP, in that her dd should only be missing school if she is really poorly. If it's something a bit of rest could cure, no reason not to go to school and then rest at the weekend/in the evening.
Otherwise the message is, if you have a night out planned and you feel a bit poorly, rest during school time so you can still go out.

That's the life lesson, you have to prioritise and usually that means work (or in this case school) and not pleasure. Unless you have limitless cash and no need to keep a job.

But yes OP, it wouldn't really have mattered one way or the other, this decision will not haunt her for the rest of her life Grin You made a judgement call, she was aware in advance of how the day would pan out, it's fine, don't worry about it.

Quitethewoodsman · 23/01/2015 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fozzleyplum · 23/01/2015 21:28

Whilst I'd usually subscribe to the "too ill for school, too ill to go out" view, if your DD had no form for lead swinging and really felt better, I'm not sure I would stick rigidly to the rule just for the sake of it (but I'd be vigilant not to allow it to become a habit).

However, there are 2 more important considerations IMO. Firstly, if your DD is under the weather and is committed to activities tomorrow, she ought to prioritise those and not exhaust herself. The clincher, though, is consideration for others. You've said your DD often has only stomach ache when others have full blown D&V symptoms. It would have been completely unreasonable to allow a possibly infectious child to socialise with others who might be more vulnerable than she is.

thatstoast · 23/01/2015 21:39

This reminds of when my husband and I were working together. He took a day off work the day before the office christmas party as he was ill. He did feel better in time for the party but insisted he couldn't go as it would look 'suspicious'. At the party our manager asked if he was still so I told her that he was better but felt that he couldn't come as he hadn't been to work. She was really upset that he'd missed out.

It's a tough call to make but at 11, I think it's right that she doesn't go.

Noggie · 23/01/2015 21:45

Def agree with no school = no anything else! It's important kids grid up to know that it's important to prioritise your health over socialising etc and like others have said if you are off work as an adult you don't generally go out socialising later!

Starlightbright1 · 23/01/2015 21:49

I am of the same opinion although I have had my DS off school today. We had to go out as I needed milk and medicine. We have the same rule... Although the only place he wanted to go nowhere but bed.

What I don't do is stop him using computer, or watching TV...When I grew up I was confined to my bedroom for the day if my son feels poorly I don't want to make it more miserable.

Topseyt · 23/01/2015 22:04

No from me too. Not well enough for school = not well enough for partying same day. If the party were tomorrow night and she was definitely fine then I would have no issue with it at all then.

ChocLover2015 · 23/01/2015 22:15

Typical mumsnet talking about a 'rule' (that says no school, no partying) as though it is a real thing not just something you have made up.
If she is better then she is better, what is the benefit of keeping her in.

Bedsheets4knickers · 23/01/2015 22:20

I know it's passed the party time now anyway but I do think you have to assess the situation on the child herself . If you think that maybe she's the sort to pull a sicky when really could go school I'd say no party. If she's reliable with her attendance and homework done for the day it's needed . Felt rough in morn but perked up as day went on ( which happens to us all) I'd of let her go.
Not everything is black and white and situations can be avoided if handled correctly .
If my kids make a lame effort at their dinner they don't get pudding as they can't be hungry. If they clearly don't enjoy their dinner il give them pudding .
What was your verdict mum. Can't say I'm looking forward to these situations coming my way. X

dexter73 · 23/01/2015 22:28

If you were the mum of the party girl I imagine you wouldn't be thrilled to find out one of the guests had been off school sick with a possible stomach bug all day and that the parents had palmed them off onto you for the evening. That is why I wouldn't send her.