DD been off school sick today and wants to go to a party this evening

[Waitingfordolly]

Stomach ache (though no sickness or diarrhoea) and generally looking peaky, although she does seem a lot better now. She's 11. I have said no she can't go to the party. She is upstairs in floods of tears saying that everyone else's mum would let them go. AIBU?

I'm the same - no school no party. DD knows this. In fact, in our home off school ill means bedroom only as well, so it's as boring as possible.

You def can't back down now though OP (in case you were wavering), because that just rewards a tantrum/sulks. I think a nice long bath and pair of earplug may be in order (for you, not DD)

You're doing the right thing in my opinion. Also "everyone else's Mum would let them" is just something kids say. I'm sure a lot of other Mum's in your position would do the same.

Too ill for school = too ill for socialising the same day. I would follow that rule too. If I am too ill to go into work I would cancel any plans I had that evening too.

Youve done the right thing OP.

Tbh Id have sent her into school with a sore tummy. But then I always got sent in (unless I had D&V), with the line "if you are that ill they will send you home" ringing in my ears.

Sick days always had to be spent in bed too. Not on the couch with tv or anything. "You are too sick to go to school so you jeed bedrest and sleep, off you go!"

Too ill to go to school, too ill to go partying!

I agree with eve don't back down now because of her getting stressy/tantrummy.
It's one party, it won't kill her not to go.
She has to know you're serious when you say no about something or she will think she can change your mind on everything else in the future.
You're doing the right thing, honest!

These replies are completely illogical. What are you teaching her by denying her the party ? 1. That she shouldn't have told you she felt unwell this morning, so therefore allowed at party ???? Or , as she now says she feels fine, Is she now lying despite telling the truth this morning ( even though op says she looked pesky) have none of you EVER felt poorly first thing but fine 9 rs later ? Honestly ? This is just ludicrous. There is no rule to say no school/no party , just a lot of nonsense to ' teach her a lesson' ??? What ? Not to tell you she's poorly !. No d& v , then no problem. She is probably suffering from the same thing as my eldest, for nearly a year before periods started, she got period type cramps... Dr said very common. So ...now you can't go to a party if you've had period pain in the morning really.

Pesky ? Maybe, but meant peeky

What are you teaching her by denying her the party ?

That if she is too ill for school, she is too ill to party. Fairly obvious really.

If I had been off work I wouldn't go out.

I'm in the too ill for school, too ill for party camp.

I'd have let her go, she wasn't well earlier but is better now.

Nope. No school, no party. I do tend to point this out first thing in the morning though

This-I'd have warned her in the morning that if she didn't go to school, she wouldn't be going out then it's her choice.

What is the OP teaching her dd? Maybe that putting her friends at risk of infection is selfish?

Kittens she has moved on to looking more pesky than peaky! I'm not teaching her a lesson though. I agree with whoever said it upthread that there's a danger that she'll be seen as a skiver, and also wouldn't want other parents to be annoyed about a sick child at a party, but also she's in that not really ill but not really well phase. If only she went to bed at the time she was supposed to, but that's another story (see, I sound slack there!) Anyway, she's accepted it now and has moved onto making VideoStars so thanks everyone for your thoughts, it definitely helped!

No school no party here

No school/ work = no party or socialising in this household.

Only time that has been a problem was when I was off work with depression and going out socially was necessary to test my recovery... But it just felt wrong!

I would be a bit peed off if I was the mother of the party giver and you brought your sick (or not) child to my house for a party. I'm definitely with the too ill for school, too ill to party side.

I don't think the period pains argument is very relevant here. She hasn't started her periods (or the OP hasn't replied to those mentioning that, that it is an issue)
If a girl does have to take a day off school for period pains, then I think it possibly could be treated differently,as not illness as such.

If ever my children are off (and it is rare I'm glad to say) then we always start from the point that they may well go into school at lunchtime. being off in the morning does not automatically mean all day off - and I have taken child in at lunchtime. In this case, you could still say no party (being at school for afternoon is probably enough for a newly recovered person) or be more flexible as illness no serious and school attended.

Equally if child has been peaky in the morning, I always point out that a day off school will mean no scouts/dancing/swimming party etc in the evening. Usually I suggest child goes to school and 'tries' and I will collect if necessary - right pain as I'm at work, but in most cases the 'trying' results in a full day at school and 'illness' forgotten - not to say I don't believe they feel peaky, just that in the early morning it's easy to feel rough with a cold or whatever, but getting going etc often makes you feel better and quickly forget it - cruel mummy. (Not talking about sickness/diarrhoea etc obviously nor anything g contagious, but headaches, tummy aches, colds)

If too I'll for school, too ill for party. I'd say she needs the time to fully recover and a party might 'set her back'.
Remind of the rule any morning when illness/day off school is on the cards. Be consistent.

definitely - too ill for school, too ill for party.

Nope YANBU if you are not well enough to go to school you are not well enough to go to a party

Yup, was always no school no fun activities in my home, and even my husband has learnt the rule of no work no computers (because if he's too unwell to sit at a computer at work he's too unwell to sit at a computer at home in my way in the living room) funnily enough the stricter I've been with this rule the more likely he is to 'bravely' drag himself into work and 'soldier on'!

Really unlikely to be period pains based on where the pain was, and also she is fairly undeveloped so far (sure she'd be really happy for me to share that!). I do sometimes send her to "see how it goes" ChocolateWombat (good advice, thanks!) but have to admit that that is more related to whether or not I am working at home or somewhere else that day! She did have stomach pains last night too so I knew that she was genuinely under the weather - and in fact I do tend to use the "no school no play" thing to try and work out how bad she is feeling - and the fact that she accepted it indicated to me that she was actually feeling ropey. I am usually consistent with the no school then no activities / socialising etc. so she should have known that I meant what I said. She seems happy enough now so hopefully I won't hear anything else about it this evening!

It's a life lesson. She should understand that if it was you off sick from work you could not then go out in the evening. You're not being mean. It's just how life is.

Plus the whole not spreading germs thing.

Yanbu.

She may well have never actually expected to go, if saying illness=no parties is your usual approach - she probably knew it wasn't going to happen.
Might just be typical pre-teen stroppy behaviour - they love to throw a tantrum every now and then and be histrionic about something - doesn't always matter what.
Anyway glad it has passed and hope she is all better tomorrow.

So it's a bug that's going around? No, then.

I'd say yes if it was period pain - entirely plausible for that to have eased off.