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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD been off school sick today and wants to go to a party this evening

220 replies

Waitingfordolly · 23/01/2015 16:20

Stomach ache (though no sickness or diarrhoea) and generally looking peaky, although she does seem a lot better now. She's 11. I have said no she can't go to the party. She is upstairs in floods of tears saying that everyone else's mum would let them go. AIBU?

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HeyheyheyGoodbye · 23/01/2015 16:41

My DM would have laughed in my face. Absolutely not. No school, no party!

wannabestressfree · 23/01/2015 16:42

No I wouldn't allow Her sorry. No school no parties :/

Aghaidh · 23/01/2015 16:42

She's 11 - have her periods started? I would normally say no school, no party, but if the stomach ache is menstrual cramps, then that might be a bit unfair.

TheWitTank · 23/01/2015 16:43

Another no here. I wouldn't be overly chuffed if another parent let their peaky looking stomach achey child mingle with everyone at a party either!

Original poster
Waitingfordolly · 23/01/2015 16:44

Yeah I've been acknowledging that she's disappointed and that's natural, and that she has the choice of either continuing to make herself miserable or doing something nice with me. Unfortunately at the moment being miserable seems to be taking priority (where did I go wrong?)! I completely understand how she feels but I'm not shifting. I thought IWNBU but feel reassured that the majority view is that I'm not!

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Original poster
Waitingfordolly · 23/01/2015 16:46

No I don't think it's her period, it's higher up. I do always wonder though when she has a stomach ache! She's only ever been sick once or possibly twice in her life - she tends to just get bugs as stomach aches when everyone else is throwing up. I'm the same.

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maninawomansworld · 23/01/2015 16:47

No school = no other activities. If you're too ill for school then you're in the house all day.

Aherdofmims · 23/01/2015 16:47

I wouldn't let her because she would pass it on to other children. And if it is a school related party all the parents will know where they got it from!

WooWooOwl · 23/01/2015 16:50

You're doing the right thing - stay strong!

YouTheCat · 23/01/2015 16:51

Tell her MN says 'no'.

We weren't allowed out if we were ill enough to be off school. I used to take the piss a lot because I wasn't that bothered about being out and would tuck myself up with a few good books. Grin

Aeroflotgirl · 23/01/2015 16:51

Definitely no, no school, no party. If she is still looking peaky then absolutely no, if not sick, she could still be brewing something.

NimpyWWindowmash · 23/01/2015 16:52

yanbu.

Either sickness is real, in which case party not a good idea, she needs rest and also doesn't want to spread the bug.

Or sickness is exaggerated, in which case party not deserved!

Northumberlandlass · 23/01/2015 16:53

DS has been off school today - slight temp, shivers, cough / sneezes. He's feeling better now, but i wouldn't let him go tonight
Not well enough to go to school, not well enough to play!

Original poster
Waitingfordolly · 23/01/2015 16:54

I told her MN said no YouTheCat - she said she doesn't care about "stupid Mumsnet"! The loud wailing has stopped though. Hopefully she's not tying together bedsheets to climb out her window! I'm not sure whether to go up or whether that would just make it start again!

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Gileswithachainsaw · 23/01/2015 16:55

This is really tough tbh.

how many times have we felt like crap.of a morning but after some rest and some food we feel ok?

There doesn't have to be any lying or faking involved. She could genuinely feel better having actually been rough in the morning.

managing six hours at school forced to sit in uncomfortable chairs and not allowed to take any medication is different to managing at an event for a couple of hours having managed to control the pain successfully all day.

quite often I had stomach ache at school because of sitting badly and having nowhere private to ease the wind Blush.

I'd have been fine after being able to rest and have a bath and not hold things in all day.

I'd also be thinking about periods maybe? and again I dint think. you can punish someone for period pain that's controlled by the evening.

You know your dd best, if she's got form.for faking or you think she's genuinely still ill and hiding a bug then keep her home.

but I'd be careful also about sending the message that you automatically think. She's lying.

If this is period pain kind of thing then it's going to he something she can't help and missing out on things isn't going to be fair.

gamerchick · 23/01/2015 16:55

I don't let them out on an evening if they've been off school. Even better if they're too ill for school then they're too ill to come out of their rooms. Doubly sure that they aren't telling me porkies.

You keep her off if she's tired and has dancing the next day?

Original poster
Waitingfordolly · 23/01/2015 16:56

She has been genuinely under the weather - we had the no school no party conversation this morning and she was okay about it then. But at that age it feels like it's the most important thing EVER. On the other hand I love to be just ill enough to not have to go to a party but not ill enough to be able to settle down on the sofa with the telly and my knitting or a book!

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Italiangreyhound · 23/01/2015 16:57

What would you rule be for you? If you felt ill, had a day off work, felt better, had a social arrangement you had RSVPed you would be at, would you go?

I might.

Either way, in your shoes I would let her go.

I think life is too short. And the party may be talked about for ages after. So on Monday she will feel bad all over again she missed it. Missing the party once better feels like a punishment for being ill. I know it is not that as a child that might be how it feels. I must admit I normally say no going out if you are off school, and if it was just a play date etc, that is what I would do, but a party is different. IMVHO.

CiderwithBuda · 23/01/2015 16:57

No chance. And I'm a bit of a pushover normally.

Laughing at the calling in sick but then appearing at office xmas party! I was once off sick from work with a horrible virus. I have never been so sick. Worked in a hotel and was going out with one of the trainee managers and we had been asked to sit on the General Managers table - I was really looking forward to it as he was a lovely man. And I had a new dress. I was too sick to go but apparently my boss was surprised I didn't go. She thought I was putting it on about being sick apparently. Then her dad got same bug and ended up in hospital so she realised just how ill Ii had been!

Sallystyle · 23/01/2015 16:57

I would let her go.

If you think she wasn't put it on earlier then I would let her.

Mine have put illness on before or made it sound worse and then wanted to see friends in the evening and that's a big no. But for a genuine illness that they have got over I don't see the problem.

kaykayred · 23/01/2015 16:59

Tell her she is being selfish - she doesn't care about making her friends feel awful by potentially making them ill just so she can have a good time.

Even if she went she would just be right back at square one tomorrow. She needs the time to rest and recover properly.

There will be other parties.

I wouldn't have even had the courage to ASK my mum if I could go out to party if I'd had the day off from school :S

betweenmarchandmay · 23/01/2015 17:01

I'd let her go.

NancyRaygun · 23/01/2015 17:04

Yeah...I would let her go too! But then I am an absolute pushover and I worry about mine socially.

SoupDragon · 23/01/2015 17:05

No.

If she was too ill for school, she is too ill for a party. That's how it works in my house.

Original poster
Waitingfordolly · 23/01/2015 17:08

Maybe I should be more scary kaykayred! I think if it was something that wasn't potentially infectious, and if she wasn't so obviously tired anyway then I might think differently. I'm not doing it to punish her, I still don't think she's well even if her stomach doesn't still hurt. I know if she goes it will be a fight to get her out of bed for dance tomorrow, and she's got shows coming up. To be honest I don't normally feel this mean, I can't remember the last time we had anything like this, but it just doesn't feel the right decision to let her go.

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