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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so upset at being flat chested?

167 replies

alrighty · 23/01/2015 14:48

Can go for a boob job at the moment.i refuse to wear padded bras as they are so deceiving.
men would get a shock to find there's nothing there.i don't feel feminine,i had hoped that after having children things would improve but no,same as before.i actually feel like crying.the shame at going in a shop to buy a bra from "my first bra" selection.why there isn't some kind of hormonal therapy or something? This cant be normal.im a size 10/12 and couldn't stand to get any fatter,so putting on weight is not a option.

OP posts:
UpSeeDaisies · 23/01/2015 18:42

OP you've had some crap responses on here. YANBU and I say that as someone in exactly the same position as you. I do wear padded bras but only because I find how ridiculous I look without one (even wearing a baggy jumper - not talking about a tight top) totally embarrassing. I have nothing there. And all this crap about making sure you get measured properly - yes it's true we mostly wear the wrong sizes and after a thread on here I realised I was a 30/32 aa not 34 aa like I'd always tried to wear but gaped which was awful. So I didn't even go up a cup size by remeasuring but tbh if on the tag I was a 30b I still look the same so that means nothing. It's also the humiliation of the beach. I have to pad out any bikini and even then it doesn't so much.

It's nothing to do with my husband. He's great but understand why. I feel like I do. (It is worse after breast feeding). And I have decided (I think!) to go down the boob job route when I've finished my family. I've felt like this for more years than I can remember and there's nothing inherently wrong with my mental health that I do, I just want to change it and I can. No different to being overweight and deciding to lose it (with the exception of the risks etc that you have to balance off before making that decision of course). Anyway, I just wanted to offer a sympathetic ear as someone that just gets it.

StatisticallyChallenged · 23/01/2015 18:51

Upsee, given that OP had said she couldn't do a boob job just now it wasn't ridiculous. You said yourself that your bras were gaping (I presume from that they are a little better now) and I was only trying to bloody help. It certainly isn't crap.

No, it's not going to make OP suddenly a bigger size, but I've helped quite a lot of women who have felt even worse about themselves because they thought there "wasn't a bra small enough for them", as they were maybe trying a 36AA and it was gaping, when maybe a 30B was better and at least didn't do that.

Didn't change their actual physical size, but made them feel more "normal".

FunkyPeacock · 23/01/2015 19:00

YANBU. You can't help how you feel and as a fellow A-cupper I do sympathise and have gone through periods of feeling fed up with having such small boobs .....BUT .....I feel quite strongly personally (especially as the mother of a daughter who is very likely to also be small boobed), that seeing a boob job as the solution is the wrong approach and learning to make the most of your good points and accept that all sizes of boob are normal is a more positive attitude to take if you possibly can

There is nothing wrong or abnormal about a small chest. Being a strong and confident woman despite having what some deem to be a physical flaw is surely better than going under the knife? (and a far better role model for any daughters you may have IMO) X

emms1981 · 23/01/2015 19:17

I heard the other day that you can have boob jobs on a payment plan option, would that be any help?

ouryve · 23/01/2015 19:35

I'm not a big fan of Embarrassing Bodies, but this gallery of the range of breasts is pretty enlightening. Out of 74 pictures,there's only a few which conform to an "ideal" really. Most are a bit droopy, bloaty, uneven or otherwise less than "perfect"
www.channel4embarrassingillnesses.com/galleries/breast-gallery/

paxtecum · 23/01/2015 19:40

I've got very small breasts and used to feel like you do, but I really like them now, especially as they will never hang round my waist like larger ones may.
I'm early 60s and it has taken a few years to like my body, though I don't like the wrinkles!

Padded bras are useful if getting dressed up, but if I'm wearing lots of layers it is blissfully comfortable not to wear a bra.

Maiyakat · 23/01/2015 19:57

Another fan here of www.maxcleavage.com Loads of great gel bras and swimwear, really helped my confidence (and also helps clothes to fit!) I tried the pill but it made very little difference (and I had bad side effects).

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 23/01/2015 21:25

Having no boobs isn't the problem. The way you feel about having no boobs is the problem.

I agree with this. I have been various breast sizes over the years and honestly prefer being smaller breasted as it's better for me for sports, and personally large breasts make me feel overweight.

Do you have any other body image issues? I'm sorry you feel so badly about your shape but agree that your shape itself isn't the problem but how you feel about your shape. That said, I know someone who had a breast enlargement privately as she wasn't happy with her breasts, and she was happy afterwards. It didn't start her on a spiral of cosmetic work to correct other perceived imperfections, or any other worries like that. Haven't read the whole thread but could you get breast enlargement, either privately or on nhs?

debbietheduck · 23/01/2015 21:48

Sorry you feel this way OP. I empathise as I've always been small of tit and used to be very self conscious about it. As I've got older (now in 40s) I have learnt to appreciate them! I actually think small tits are prettier than big ones and they remain perky even after breast feeding two DC. My DH likes them, I like them, and who cares about anyone else?

I think a slightly padded bra can make clothes hang better, since they tend to be cut for an "average" shape. Or you can just pick clothes that work with your natural figure. There isn't just one way to look good!

trufflesnout · 23/01/2015 21:52

I have a very flat chest and my "tits" look fine in my clothes tyvm, and nor do I 'deceive' men when I wear a padded bra Hmm

I don't think your breasts are the problem either, I agree that it's your attitude

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 23/01/2015 21:54

I'm not a big fan of Embarrassing Bodies, but this gallery of the range of breasts is pretty enlightening. Out of 74 pictures,there's only a few which conform to an "ideal" really. Most are a bit droopy, bloaty, uneven or otherwise less than "perfect"
www.channel4embarrassingillnesses.com/galleries/breast-gallery/

That's interesting. I'm going to direct my daughter to have a look at that. I feel she has beautiful breasts but she is desperate for a boob job. Her breasts are like no.1 and she measures (proper way) as a 32D, which many people would be envious of. I wish she could 'see' how beautiful she is.

I'm more like no.58 size and shape, with the areola of no.9. I was teased by teen boys as a teen for having "bin lid nipples", which upset me for nearly a decade I'd say, but I've grown to accept and like what I have now, so feelings about boobs can change.

OP: Is there a photo in that gallery that is close to your breast shape and size, as if there is then your breasts are definitely within the 'normal' range? Even if they're outside of 'normal', it really is how you feel about them that matters most, not their size.

Do you feel like your negative feelings about your breasts impact on your day to day life? Do you avoid social situations because of how you feel? Does it make you feel low enough to interrupt your sleep, or anything else? From what I understand, if your feelings do impact your day to day life, that is part of the criteria for qualifying for help with costs of breast enlargement surgery on the nhs. Though there might be other options a GP would prefer you to try first, like the pill or similar hormone?

MurderonthetopCs · 23/01/2015 22:58

I have spent my life since age 12 railing about my huge boos (currently ff) count yourself lucky - clothes always look better with small boob....

HesterShaw · 23/01/2015 23:06

I think we have established that posts like that are utterly unhelpful MurderonthetopCs.

madasa · 23/01/2015 23:40

(God im such a catch aren't I)

OP I know that you can't help feeling the way you do but I bet your DP thinks you are a catch and I wouldn't mind betting he's glad he caught you.

FightOrFlight · 23/01/2015 23:45

ouryve

Thank you for that link - it certainly puts any of my remaining 'breast issues' into perspective. I had to do a double-take at no. 74 because I thought someone had taken a candid snap of me at some point!

I used to be smaller than I am now and yes, I did feel less feminine due to having small breasts. Many times over the years I considered having surgery but saw too many stories/pictures of things that have gone wrong so have always chickened out. Even necessary surgery carries risks and I just couldn't justify putting my health at risk for cosmetic surgery when I have two children depending on me.

I'm well over 40 now and my breasts are almost as perky as they were in my 20's. My larger breasted, younger friend who I used to envy so much has sagging breasts and now envies me.

It's taken a long time to accept my body and I still sometimes wish I was just a bit bigger in the boobage department but I'd rather be healthy than have implants that need to be replaced every 15 years or so with all the clinical risks that entails.

fromparistoberlin73 · 23/01/2015 23:58

If they make you this miserable would you consider saving for a boob job? I am not usually a plastic fan but you sound very sad ?

fromparistoberlin73 · 24/01/2015 00:02

And this :
Having no boobs isn't the problem. The way you feel about having no boobs is the problem.

I

TheRtHonGeorgianaGobshite · 24/01/2015 00:46

Op. There's no Woman that I've met in my lifetime (55) that's happy with their boobs.
Can I ask you to look at Mia Farrow and Twiggy. In their hay day and now ?
Both under-endowed. Both much larger in the boob department.

Today's fashion is the pneumatic breast. I know of no reasonable person (men) included that find this remotely attractive.
I was once 29AA.(Age 32); and long before that.
I am now 36 E/F.
I thank the lord that I wouldn't have even considered breast implants, otherwise I'd have been carrying my tits in a wheel barrow, tucking them in my socks, or slinging them over my shoulder.

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 24/01/2015 01:18

ouryve thanks for link. I went and got distracted by the poo gallery next to it ewww.

Apologies for going off topic OP. I think there are some good posts, talking with your partner, talking with your GP are good starts. Your self esteem sounds low at the moment. Maybe focus on building that back to where it should be, it may help you to accept yourself as you are, or help any future decisions about having surgery.

Sazzle41 · 24/01/2015 01:57

YANBU. I was totally flat so i get it & the number of male and females who thought it was hysterical to point it out every 5minutes made me seriously depressed even tho i was attractive with slim model figure (those were the days). Successful boob job ages ago but i do wonder if its because i didnt go on the pill at 14 like the majority of my friends (Victorian parents would have a) disowned me b) and/or lynched me first). All my friends suddenly developed boobs shortly after going on the pill: it was very noticeable. None of them had anything much to speak of before that so maybe its a coincidence, maybe not. I would say tho, dont go too big, they dont look natural and they can look mumsy once you hit 40 if they are too big as well - as gravity and age hit/begin to affect them....I went to Harley Street, at least you know they are pretty reputable unlike the clinics that have sprung up elsewhere.

however · 24/01/2015 03:17

I'm number 38!!!!

Seff · 24/01/2015 07:59

Ah yes, my belly sticks out further than my boobs and I spent most of my teenage years being ridiculed by school bullies. I think it's the memories of this that fuel my low self esteem. Rationally, I know I shouldn't care but it's very difficult.

I am only happy in the first approx. 12 weeks post partum when they are literally full of milk.

Dragonfly71 · 24/01/2015 08:23

A friend of mine had a breast enhancement on the NHS, I think she met the criteria because it was genuinely effecting her mental health. Maybe you could research this before seeing your GP and make sure you see one who you know will be understanding about this.
YANBU. I am very small myself, and what I do have is now droopy. So worst of both worlds - think spaniel ears!! I just put on a good bra, padded, underwired,the lot!! My DH still thinks my boobs are amazing for some reason, bless him. We don't have to be a certain size/ shape to be attractive, it goes much deeper than that when you love each other. I bet your DP has never complained....
But if it is really upsetting you, see your GP. My friend was much happier and more confident afterwards.

Original poster
alrighty · 24/01/2015 08:28

IM like n37,but smaller.yes me too i am happier postpartum when i might get to a B! I should book a GP then,hoping she doesn't laugh at me!

OP posts: