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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so upset at being flat chested?

167 replies

alrighty · 23/01/2015 14:48

Can go for a boob job at the moment.i refuse to wear padded bras as they are so deceiving.
men would get a shock to find there's nothing there.i don't feel feminine,i had hoped that after having children things would improve but no,same as before.i actually feel like crying.the shame at going in a shop to buy a bra from "my first bra" selection.why there isn't some kind of hormonal therapy or something? This cant be normal.im a size 10/12 and couldn't stand to get any fatter,so putting on weight is not a option.

OP posts:
MixenLane · 23/01/2015 15:33

a bit confused by this :

"i refuse to wear padded bras as they are so deceiving.
men would get a shock to find there's nothing there"

which "men" are you talking about ? your DP knows what your natural breasts are like, so why are you worrying about what other men think? I could understand you being worried about that if you were single - I've been through the same concerns myself.
I was very small chested when I was younger. Unfortunately I gained a lot of weight in my mid 30s and although they were still small proportionately compared to my arse, I do know now what it's like to have more. I'd rather be slim and flat chested TBH.

WorraLiberty · 23/01/2015 15:34

Padded bras are no more 'deceiving' than

Spanx
High heels
Make - up
False eyelashes
False nails
Fake tans
Hair dye

If they make your clothes more flattering then why not wear them?

I get what you're saying about being naked, but that's something you'll hopefully come to terms with.

I'm not sure having foreign objects placed inside your body is always the answer and if you can't afford them anyway, perhaps the bra is the way to go?

SouthernComforts · 23/01/2015 15:34

You sound exactly how I felt as a teenager (I don't mean any offense by that!!) I was extremely aware of my boobs all the time.

Has your dp ever made negative comments? Even unintentionally? Or someone else?

Nolim · 23/01/2015 15:37

I am flat chested as well. It used to bother me as a teen but not anymore. I have found a very confortable fashion style and my breast did the job when it was time to breastfeed. I posdibly my oh would like me to have bigger breasts but we both enjoy "playing" with what we have Smile

DustBunnyFarmer · 23/01/2015 15:39

Having no boobs isn't the problem. The way you feel about having no boobs is the problem.

I think this is key. Have you asked your H what he thinks. He may be a leg or bum man, so your boobs are of lesser importance.

I get what people say about large busted women commenting, but I think it is relevant. Boobs of all sizes come with their own problems. I am large busted & have a lot of back and neck pain from lugging mine around. I also developed early, so had plenty of very unwelcome male attention in my early teens & am still thoroughly fed up of men staring at or talking to my breasts, being leered at in public. Conforming to some socially acceptable convention of femininity aint all that IMHO.

It would be good to work on identifying a broader definition of your own femininity and learn to recognise all the good stuff you have going for you. You are so mych more than your baps.

newyear15 · 23/01/2015 15:42

Op - have you actually measured yourself properly using the bra guru guidelines?

I used to think I was an AA cup - but when I measured I was actually a B. I don't wear heavily padded any more, but have a much better shape and cleavage wearing the correct bra. And heck, getting older and they haven't sagged at all. How fab is that.

And yes I know it feels rubbish sometimes to not have a huge bust - but I don't see it as such a disadvantage any more. If a bloke is only interested in your chest size then he really ain't worth bothering with.

HesterShaw · 23/01/2015 15:45

OP I sympathise and I am slightly Hmm at the women who come on to threads like this to tell you you are lucky because you look better in clothes and they would gladly trade their E cups etc. Bollocks would they. Having even normal scoop necks gaping and hanging off collar bones never feels great. When you are in a mindset like the OP's no amount of women telling you "Oh I wish I was flat chested" when actually they mean they wish they had slightly smaller breasts is very galling.

I know it probably won't cheer you up, but you say about not wanting to wear padded bras because when take it off there's nothing there. Your DP chose to be with you and make a baby with you, and you have BF your baby. He obviously likes you just as you are.

I wear quite padded bras every day OP. They don't make me look voluptuous, just "normal" in my own head. Swimsuits is another matter.

Please give that a try and maybe look at getting some counselling.

WorraLiberty · 23/01/2015 15:56

Also OP saying that you 'have no boobs' can't be helping with your mindset.

Unless you've had a double mastectomy, you do have a pair of boobs.

They may be very small but they're yours and you do have them.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 23/01/2015 15:57

Hester I just wanted the OP to know that being large chested isn't all it's cracked up to be. Not to tell her she's lucky. Didn't mean to be insensitive, thought it might help. It's perfectly valid to feel the way you feel about your appearance.

Original poster
alrighty · 23/01/2015 16:03

I don't wear anything from that list eg. False nails,extension etc.yes i am in a stable relationship,so don't go around with men,but it still feels deceiving in my own head.will DP look at me thinking how fake i look? No,no negative comments.apart from a friend linking my breasts to those of her 8 year old Hmm

OP posts:
DayLillie · 23/01/2015 16:05

No,no negative comments.apart from a friend linking my breasts to those of her 8 year old Angry

WorraLiberty · 23/01/2015 16:07

It doesn't matter that you don't wear anything on that list.

The point is, do you think women who do are 'deceiving' people?

YellowTulips · 23/01/2015 16:08

You feel about it how you feel tbh.

I am pretty damn small and in my 20's (a/b cup) would have jumped at the chance of a boob job.

However now I'm really glad I never did it.

Clothes do fit better, I don't get back ache, exercise is not painful and compared to larger friends in our 40's mine are still a nice shape and not at all saggy. One of them is thinking about a reduction and uplift so is actually the reverse of me in loving her size when younger and hating them now.

I guess what I'm trying to say is your feelings about your boobs may well change over time.

For my part if I want them bigger I do don a padded bra and see it as no different than wearing make up or Spanx tbh Grin. I can then take it all off at the end of the evening and slob around braless in comfy PJ's Smile.

SacredHeart · 23/01/2015 16:11

From the way you are posting this seems like so much more then the size of your chest that is upsetting you.

I suggest going to your GP as you deserve not to feel insecure about your body or how it it perceived by others especially your DP.

YellowTulips · 23/01/2015 16:12

To the poster above who mentioned swimming costumes.

I buy from maxcleveage.com they do great swimwear (bikinis/costumes/tankinis) with gel/padded inserts. They were a revelation when I got mine Smile

Marshy · 23/01/2015 16:14

I've had a double mastectomy and now have breast shapes which are silicon implant and muscle. I even have fake stick on nipples - can't get much more deceiving than that! But they look good and I feel good and my dh still fancies me.

Our relationship with our breasts is a complex one but is definitely about more than what size and shape they are

SnotandBothered · 23/01/2015 16:19

I agree you should speak to your GP. Your feelings are valid and you may be eligible for part if the cost if surgery.

Also, just for the record, I think you would be surprised at how many people OF ALL SIZES wear padded bras sometimes. I am a 34D and sometimes feel the need to wear one to keep proportion with my far bum Grin. Most people I know also do.

SnookyPooky · 23/01/2015 16:22

I used to be fairly flat chested. Had surgery in 2005 and its one of the best things I ever did.
I too felt that I didn't fill my clothes and that I looked boyish.

I didn't go too big, just to a 36C.

They are not hard and round like you see on some women, very natural looking and are still the same now as they were nearly 10 years ago.

Pantah630 · 23/01/2015 16:27

OP it is worth asking your GP, my friend was able to get a breast enlargement on the NHS, it was back in the mid 90's though, things may have changed. If this is affecting your daily life and mental health a sympathetic doctor will help you I'd hope.

SamiBE · 23/01/2015 16:40

I'm a 38 G and hate my boobs after I had my last baby they really drooped big time. I'm 28 but have boobs of a woman that's about 50 it upsets me but what does help is a well fitted bra xx

StackladysMorphicResonator · 23/01/2015 16:45

will DP look at me thinking how fake i look?

But why would you want fake breasts if you're worried about looking fake?

I think this is something you need to come to terms with on your own, maybe experiment with a few different types of bra - NHS money is short, and shouldn't (IMHO) be used for breast enhancements. Lots of people are unhappy with their appearance, but it's something that you need to tackle in your own mind, not by having expensive, risky and invasive surgery.

Original poster
alrighty · 23/01/2015 17:13

Yeah,maybe i should try the gp...im sure i have heard somewhere that it could be because of a hormone imbalance?in quite hairy so that could be a possibility?(God im such a catch aren't I)

OP posts:
ithoughtofitfirst · 23/01/2015 17:39

Yanbu.

I had this as a teen and let people make me feel inadequate about it but I've grown to feel comfortable with it. But if it was still really bothering me I would do something about it.

captainfarrell · 23/01/2015 17:46

We all want to look different in some aspect. Learn to love the way you are. At least you won't have them chaffing your knees in middle age! Seriously, all sizes of breast are attractive in different ways.

kissmethere · 23/01/2015 17:46

I hear you op. If I could I'd have a boob job. As I've got older they've got bigger but they're a long time coming.

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