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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so upset at being flat chested?

167 replies

alrighty · 23/01/2015 14:48

Can go for a boob job at the moment.i refuse to wear padded bras as they are so deceiving.
men would get a shock to find there's nothing there.i don't feel feminine,i had hoped that after having children things would improve but no,same as before.i actually feel like crying.the shame at going in a shop to buy a bra from "my first bra" selection.why there isn't some kind of hormonal therapy or something? This cant be normal.im a size 10/12 and couldn't stand to get any fatter,so putting on weight is not a option.

OP posts:
SacredHeart · 23/01/2015 15:11

Nope, I mean two bee stings. Two peas on an ironing board.

I mean Karl Lagerfeld beloved, vogue printed, Erin O'Connor nothingness.

I love high fashion, and high fashion wants flat chests.

Doesn't help you as you don't want that but the point I'm making is people always want what they haven't got.

LadyLuck10 · 23/01/2015 15:11

I don't get the posts about how big other peoples boobs are, what does that have to do with the opConfused

Original poster
alrighty · 23/01/2015 15:12

Not tried the combined pill ,no.even tho the pill never agreed with me before.dont think it was a combined tho.my bum is already too big tho!??

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 23/01/2015 15:13

Oh ffs why are people telling the OP how big their boobs are? And now someone has offered her some of theirs?

I'm sorry you feel this way OP.

As others have said, your feelings are just as valid.

I'm not sure why you wouldn't want to wear padded bras though, in order to make your tops fit a bit better?

StatisticallyChallenged · 23/01/2015 15:14

Personally SaucyJack, I was going for empathy. I can't say to the OP "I understand" or whatever without explaining more as frankly my bra size is all over this forum (bra threads, lots of them)

Nancy66 · 23/01/2015 15:15

you're in a settled relationship and have children so you're not going out on the pull (presumably?) so what does it matter that a padded bra is a 'con'. if it's about making you feel better and giving you some shape then I think you should try it.

Gel padded bras can look very good, foam less so.

Basilbrushestail · 23/01/2015 15:17

To those that have a large bust sting that you have trouble finding clothes to fit is not great. If you are flat chested it's probably worse, nothing is cut for small boobs. To have a top flapping where your breasts should be is depressing. To feel unfeminine is depressing. They are not comparable at all.

So op Yanbu, I understand. I've never took my dc swimming, I never breast fed because of my disproportionate figure that I'm embarassed about.

DayLillie · 23/01/2015 15:18

Embrace your inner Keira Knightly!!

Necklines are getting higher and it looks like the fashion for flatter chests will coming back, like the 70s. There is nothing wrong with flat chests!

Original poster
alrighty · 23/01/2015 15:19

Stonefox almost no breast tissue you say? Could that be the case? Even I've breastfed ,so i must have enough breast tissue? Or that's not how it works.i cant afford surgery at the moment.

OP posts:
nunkspugget · 23/01/2015 15:19

T shirt bra. Not 'padded' but add a certain definition to the area. I am of the honest opinion that small boobs are much more feminine that bigger ones. Sorry to the larger of bust out there, but to quote a pp, large ones seem matronly.

Original poster
alrighty · 23/01/2015 15:21

Buy i don't care about the fashion.i want to feel like a woman.i want my DP to feel hes with a proper woman (not that he said anything about it mind).wearing a padded bra just doesn't cut it.and thanks for the empathy,i understand what you mean Flowers

OP posts:
DayLillie · 23/01/2015 15:21

Also, the dresses cut to the navel and stuck down with tape only look good on a firm flat chest. Otherwise you see to much to keep the illusion going.

CrispyFern · 23/01/2015 15:21

Having no boobs isn't the problem. The way you feel about having no boobs is the problem.
Maybe you could ask about some therapy?

AalyaSecura · 23/01/2015 15:23

I agree to think again about padded bras - these are the business.

NotYouNaanBread · 23/01/2015 15:23

I'm an A cup and always have been, apart from a brief and glorious B while breastfeeding.

At 36, I realise that being flat is BRILLIANT. Clothes look much more chic and there is no risk of ever looking accidentally (or, unfortunately, intentionally!) slutty.

I can be flat as a board in a sports bra or have a bit of shape with a lightly moulded bra. M&S teen bras fit me perfectly and don't gape, but give me a bit of a silhouette.

It could be just the style I prefer - I love Whistles and Cos (and aspire to Celine) and these are all brands that favour the flat of bosom, or maybe I have just learned to dress for my chest.

Also, they don't sag and probably never will - there isn't enough for gravity to be bothered with me. They're still as upright as they were at 20 (although softer now from breastfeeding), and it's a rare D cup who can aspire to that, right?

That's just my experience. I'm sorry that you're not happy with yours, but honestly - women with very large breasts always seem to be complaining about them, and they're definitely harder to dress, so perhaps we should count our (tiny) blessings?

AalyaSecura · 23/01/2015 15:24

Sorry, cross post. Talk to your DH, you're making assumptions based on your own view.

StoneFoxMama · 23/01/2015 15:25

Yes, I breastfed 2 children long term, so maybe I'm mistaken. It must have zero body fat in the breast area, which should technically be fatty, even if just a little bit, and low breast tissue. But you should speak to your gp about the effect on your mental wellbeing, there might be help out there.

LadyBlaBlah · 23/01/2015 15:27

I'm sure you look lovely just the way you are.

All of us women cannot live up to every beauty ideal there is - thin but shapely legs, pert bum, medium breasts, no cankles, thigh gap, flat stomach.....etc etc - every part of our body has an ideal.

We could all literally drive ourselves mad trying to meet these ideals. And indeed some of us do (and I do include surgery there).

The road to happiness is acceptance of who you are, 'faults' and all.
And flat chested is not a 'fault' - being mean or nasty is a fault.

lunar1 · 23/01/2015 15:27

Just remember your partner has chosen to be with you op, nobody forced him to be with you. I'm sure he loves you exactly as you are.

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 23/01/2015 15:28

Alrighty - it's possible to breast feed and not have breast tissue, my Aunt got breast enhancements on the NHS after breast feeding 2 children because she had minimal breast tissue.

I also completely understand your feelings - I was completely flat chested (apart from my damn nipples so couldn't even go bra less) until my early 20s and was made to feel like a FREAK because of it. All the people who would sneer at my skinniness and say that "men prefer real women with curves" just cut me to the bone, as well as not being able to wear most tops because of the sagging fabric.

I finally got (still very small) breasts when I started on microgynon so that may be worth a consideration but your feelings are totally valid. It is very hard to be flat chested in a world with such an obsession with women's breasts.

BertieBotts · 23/01/2015 15:28

Breast tissue has no bearing on breastfeeding, most of the "cups" part of boobs is fat.

I know it doesn't help but small boobs are really in fashion at the moment, the androgynous look.

I worried about boyfriends etc but DH often comments on liking them which makes me feel loads better.

I've tried re-measuring myself in the "bra intervention" way but I have so little padding around my ribs that wearing a smaller band is just really uncomfortable. So I don't bother wearing a bra at all most of the time. When I got married I couldn't find a bra to fit at all, and it took me ages to find a dress which fit too, only to realise on the morning itself that I'd bought it at a different time in my cycle and it was now gaping! I ended up making a bra out of surgical tape, three of us hauling them up, they did look ridiculous when I took the dress off, but it was fun, and a funny memory.

kaykayred · 23/01/2015 15:29

I think YABU to just your body with such vicious criticism. Then again, it's your own body, so you can't help having insecurities.

Not sure why padded bras are "deceiving" though. Who are you deceiving? Why does it matter? You think people have an inherent right to know a person's true chest size? If a padded bra is "deceptive" then how are implants not?

It sounds like you are in a very low place at the moment - have you considered some type of counselling for your body image?

If shopping is a problem, could you buy things online instead?

I have no chest worth having, and used to be very self conscious about it, but now it doesn't really bother me. There are plenty of advantages of not having massive norks. Less gravity issues, you can walk around the house without a bra and not be in agony, you can sleep bra-less with no discomfort, you don't need underwear which looks like it was designed for heavy industrial purposes, you don't get super creepy fuck wits staring at you.

It honestly isn't healthy to be so hateful about a part of your body - I don't really have any advice, but I would strongly recommend that you think of a way to address your attitude towards your body.

BertieBotts · 23/01/2015 15:30

My best bra is one with an oil filling, which claims to look more "natural". It does seem to give me a nicer shape.

StatisticallyChallenged · 23/01/2015 15:30

Basil, clothes on the high street aren't cut for either extreme really - busty women can find it incredibly difficult to find clothes to fit. It's not the top that will be gaping and hanging off them, it's everything else. If I wanted to go in to a standard shop and buy a shirt for example, I'd probably have to get a size 20. My waist's more like a 12, as are my shoulders. I'd look like a total mess with fabric bagging and hanging off everywhere except my boobs.

Feminine, I really don't think so.

Just because I have a body shape that is the opposite of the OPs, doesn't mean I can't understand how having an unusual body shape that isn't readily catered for on the high street might make her feel bad about herself.

specialsubject · 23/01/2015 15:33

Sounds like you may have a health problem - but in your head, not your boobs. That's nothing to be ashamed of but please get some help. You need assistance to see straight.

the comments about your husband are quite worrying, he must be worried too.

no reputable surgeon will touch you because physical surgery may not help.

wishing you the best.