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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People who are high and mighty about not being on facebook and then bitch when they miss out on stuff that's organised through facebook

196 replies

nemoschmemo · 22/01/2015 17:33

I know a few people like this. Turn their noses up at facebook (fine, their choice) but then go "wah, why wasn't I invited" when people make plans using facebook groups.

Case in point there's a fb group for parents of DC in my DDs year. People use it for things like reminders about what homework/spellings are this week.

Also sometimes gets used for social things - e.g. " a group of us are going to X play centre after school tonight if anyone fancies it."

I like fb groups for organising group activities - it's massively complicated trying to arrange things like that via text when you can't see what others are saying, email is too complicated as you end up with a gazillion emails and many of them cross.

With a fb group you can have a group conversation, it just makes sense.

But some people can't possibly just join fb to join a group and then just not indulge in the bits they don't like, they're too good for that. Fine. But don't then go '"WAH! I got left out!"

OP posts:
kellywellykingkong · 23/01/2015 10:04

I don't think she's 'furious' about the situation pagwatch. I think this thread is infuriating though, perhaps that's what you've misunderstood?

kellywellykingkong · 23/01/2015 10:05

I 'singled' you out because you were being goady, pag. Others are offering views, you're just poking the OP with a stick.

Unidentifieditem · 23/01/2015 10:07

I can't be arsed to read the whole thread. INCLUSIVE nights out can be arranged by group email. Facebook is for teenagers and selfie whores.

mousmous · 23/01/2015 10:12

yabu
I'm not on facebook and don't plan to.
my friends include me via email/text or, you know, we talk (how old fashioned is that).

kellywellykingkong · 23/01/2015 10:12

The thread isn't about nights out unidentified.

Pagwatch · 23/01/2015 10:13

Unfortunately Kelly that is utter bollocks. Maybe the mind meld failed this morning?

dexter73 · 23/01/2015 10:17

Teenagers don't use Facebook anymore!

RunAwayHome · 23/01/2015 10:25

I would never imagine that people that I don't particularly know well would go out of their way to include me specially in something that had been discussed and arranged elsewhere, if I chose not to be involved in those discussions. I can't really see why my attendance would be important enough for that - frankly, I can't see that they'd really care. They've done their bit by making plans more public than they would otherwise have, instead of just contacting a close friend. I would feel lucky that I did have the chance to join in at times, and perhaps get to know some of them better that way. But I'd feel it was up to me to make the effort.

I'm not a teenager; don't post selfies. I do feel left-out at times, but realise that much of it is my own doing, so make more of an effort to join in/go along to things where plans might be made/etc another time. There's nothing special about me/my company/my opinions that should make them so desperate to have me along that they should go out of their way to let me know about random gatherings or news.

MorrisZapp · 23/01/2015 10:31

OP is spot on, and the people disagreeing have deliberately misinterpreted her post. She isn't talking about 'organising' things such as a night out, a party, a school event etc. She's talking about very casual arrangements that don't merit picking up the phone.

I have family members who are FB refusers, and very uppity they are about it too. They think that FB users are selfie whores, a bit like the pp. They also think that if you go on FB, then paedophiles will know where your kids live, or will do unspeakable things to their photos.

Why in the name of all that is holy should the OP ring the landlines of people she doesn't know, who may or may not be victims of DV or unable to afford a smart phone, to tell them she's heading off to the park??

MorrisZapp · 23/01/2015 10:34

If people can't afford the internet how can they afford email? We're talking land lines here.

MorrisZapp · 23/01/2015 10:41

Sorry Pag but I read your post as very goady too. You made a suggestion that OP already does, then got shirty with her and suggested she moves school.

This happened to me recently. I was on a thread (not my own) where many people disagreed with me, and kept making up arguments I hadn't said. I got more and more annoyed that they hadn't read what I was actually saying, and then they all turned against me for my tone.

I was told that since so many people thought I was wrong, I must be wrong. I gave up (the thread got locked) but the others felt they had 'won' despite me not saying what they accused me of.

it was bloody MADDENING.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 23/01/2015 11:10

"Maybe we should all go out and have a cup of calm the fuck down. I'll Facebook you the details."

I love you for this Pag, it made me smile!

Christ, why on earth would you want to invite 60 people to the park or soft play etc, when you've said that you don't even know some of their names and have never met them! I genuinely don't get it.

And how do people even know this group is set up to join it? Seriously, how do they know it exists to start with?

I'm one of those who has a bloody good reason not to be on Facebook but I've got to say, people like the OP are another good enough reason for me not to want to join!

I'd rather scoop my own eyes out with a melon baller than socialise with some of the people at my DCs school. I imagine they wouldn't want to socialise with me either, that's fine. Just because we have do the same age doesn't mean we have anything else in common or are "friends".

I think I'll stick to my nice actual real life friends.

kellywellykingkong · 23/01/2015 11:12

I got the impression it was a way of getting the DC together, yesidid.

MorrisZapp · 23/01/2015 11:14

yesidid, none of the OP applies to you then. She's talking about people who do want to be included, and who complain when they aren't. So, the opposite of your situation.

Tinkerball · 23/01/2015 11:18

she wants everyone to be contactable via fb groups, and she isn't going to bother communicating with those who aren't...sounds pretty controlling to me

No she doesnt different name, all she said was about people complaining - at no point does OP say everyone should be on FB. Its the opposite of controlling - she has no interest in setting up text groups, organising things, controlling who comes etc etc.

And as usual the anti-FB comments have started to appear.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 23/01/2015 11:19

But wouldn't you just ask the parents of DC your DC actually are friends with and not the whole class? It honestly baffles me. I freely admit I am anti social though. My DC have lots of friends though and always had people round when they were little. Now of course, theyre on Facebook themselves organising social events Grin

Pagwatch · 23/01/2015 11:19

Then fair enough. If it read as being goady , I apologise - genuinely.

I didn't intend it like that and I was irked at being accused of doing so deliberately, but if it read as if I was winding the op up I apologise.
The situation sounds like way more trouble than it's worth. I'd just bail.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 23/01/2015 11:21

Although thinking about it, my DC use what's app groups more than FB to arrange events.

kellywellykingkong · 23/01/2015 11:27

Yes of course you can just invite the people you're close to and never bother to include anyone else.

But if you try to be friendlier and more inclusive by using fb to reach a wider audience then it's a bit rich if it then causes some people to be disgruntled with you.

THAT's what the thread is about.

OfaFrenchMind · 23/01/2015 11:47

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually And while Whatsapp is very good, you still need a smartphone, and people phone number. Which is sometimes even harder to get than a facebook contact.

OP is not being unreasonable, and I understand her frustration very well!

MorrisZapp · 23/01/2015 11:59

I like whatsapp for free picture texts, but haven't used it as a group message thingy. Think my age group are more confident with Fb.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 23/01/2015 12:24

But how do people even know there is a Facebook group, I might (probably) be being a bit thick, but I wouldn't think to look online for a parents group. And if some parents don't do pick up or have contact with someone within the group, how do they know about it? And new joiners to the school?

Kellywelly, do I detect a slight note tone of judginginess towards my anti social tendencies there! Grin

Different strokes for different folks, and I get that some people like to invite strangers to the park socialise but this seems an odd way to go about it. I understand it more for a group of people with shared interests like pp said, the running club. I also get that this is for the DC as well as the parents, but DC just meet and make friends at school and this just develops, doesn't it? What did people do before Facebook...my DC had a healthy social life without any social media!

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 23/01/2015 12:32

MorrisZapp, what's app group is fab, very useful to me. I have my teenagers in a "group" with me and can, for example, ask them all what they want for tea if they're out, if one isn't getting the bus with the others they can let them, and me, all know.

I do get some rolly eyes etc and am occasionally told off for using such heinous expressions as "okey dokey" but I find that, like being in the car, teenagers communicate more if it's not necessarily face to face and we all like it.

I'll stop derailing the thread now sorry. The most excitement I have had today is putting two pairs of 2.4 tog socks on at the same time and wondering if that effectively makes a 4.8 sock.......

dexter73 · 23/01/2015 12:35

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually - I think that would make it 4.8 as my duvet is 15 tog but can be separated into 4.5 and a 9 tog duvets.

paperlace · 23/01/2015 12:38

Pagwatch hasn't been rude or goady. What on earth are people reading? The OP has been utterly furious throughout for some reason...