People who are high and mighty about not being on facebook and then bitch when they miss out on stuff that's organised through facebook

[nemoschmemo]

I know a few people like this. Turn their noses up at facebook (fine, their choice) but then go "wah, why wasn't I invited" when people make plans using facebook groups.

Case in point there's a fb group for parents of DC in my DDs year. People use it for things like reminders about what homework/spellings are this week.

Also sometimes gets used for social things - e.g. " a group of us are going to X play centre after school tonight if anyone fancies it."

I like fb groups for organising group activities - it's massively complicated trying to arrange things like that via text when you can't see what others are saying, email is too complicated as you end up with a gazillion emails and many of them cross.

With a fb group you can have a group conversation, it just makes sense.

But some people can't possibly just join fb to join a group and then just not indulge in the bits they don't like, they're too good for that. Fine. But don't then go '"WAH! I got left out!"

The reason I asked who put up the FB page was because once it's in the murky world of the class/PTA rep, then it's a different kettle of fish entirely.

Good on you for doing this.

I don't have an account on that site because I'm uncomfortable about its origins. That's probably a high and mighty reason. (iI don't look down on people who do have accounts though)
I didn't know until I read this thread it could be used to organise meetups in that way. I don' t think I've missed out anything because of not having an account but it would be a dilemma for me if it were the only way to be informed of events.

Thing is clear it's not really 'event's it's just mums thinking "what a lovely day, I think I'll take the kids to the park after school - wonder if anyone else would like to come along". They aren't using it to arrange birthday parties or stuff like that.

Paperlace you are right, not using FB is nothing to be snooty about....unfortunately some people do think this, there was a thread running the other day here about giving it up and how great this was for them ....which some people posted on who clearly thought they were superior to people who use FB.

We have FB groups for our Scout Groups (several groups), for our Church, for all sorts of things.
Sometimes it's nice to share a bit of news, mostly it's used to ask

"J has come home from camp without his sleeping bag, has anyone gained one?"
or
"Do they start back this week or next?"
or
"Would anyone like to lift share to X on Monday?"
or
"ds has lost his letter - what do I need to send him with for the Christmas Party?"
or
"You know the badge with the red border, where does it go on the uniform?"
type of things - really helpful IMO, but no problem if people don't want to opt in, they just lose the opportunities it afords.

Same with the Church one. Much of the time there will be comments like
"Thanks to everyone who helped with the Harvest Weekend / MacMillan Coffee Morning / Christmas Fete / Poverty Lunch / etc. Lovely time had by all and the bonus is we raised x in the process" this stuff will go on the printed notice sheet as well, but a) it saves paper as 1/2 people don't need notice sheets now, and those on FB usually 'get the news first'.
Occasionally though, you hear of something at short notice, and it is shared on the page. No, not everyone ses it, but if you have to wait until next Sunday, then no-one will see it. Seems it's better that 1/3 of Congregation do, rather than none. Everyone is welcome to join the group if they wish.

Question from a high and mighty here If I set up a very minimal account in the way that's been described here, then tried to join this group, would you let me, not knowing who I was?

Yes what backforfood says, it's often things like "has anyone lost a hat, I've found a pink one in X's bag" or "what are this weeks spellings?"

On the subject of the email suggestions upthread I'd be supremely pissed off to be part of an email distribution with that amount of traffic so I can't see that suggestion working.

Unless they want a distribution list where they can opt in and out of certain types of topics - but frankly if they want that they can create and manage it themselves, I do have a job to go to.

Yep I'd add you tendon, esp on the school one because I'm damned if I know all the parents names at school so I don't filter people out if I don;t recognise them.

No one puts photos or any personal details on there anyway - people tend to pm each other if they want to share addresses or tel numbers.

Tendon

All you have to do is send a PM to the group Admin saying "I am ABC and my child XYZ is in Year Whatever" to verify who you are and know how to to the secret handshake

and even with a minimal account, you can still PM someone and explain who you are and say that you are just there for the group. If you do ever want to post something, you can let people know your name for that group - lots of people I know use a first name and then something group-related instead of a surname, so that real-life people don't think they're on there.

I know several people who are very snooty about FB and think they are superior for not being on there - their comments about the things that they think are on there are mostly misguided, as are their assumptions about how it works/how private it can be, etc., and some of them I think would really enjoy it if they did decide to join a couple of groups to do with our hobby. But it's their choice not to, and mostly they don't complain about missing out - but a couple of them do. They are upset that other people know bits of news that they don't, or that people refer to conversations or random bits of information that might have appeared on there, etc. - they feel that they are being actively excluded, when it's not even people meeting up or anything, just random chats and posts, etc.

exactly runawayhome. Excluding people is setting up a private group, only selecting a certain view to join and then pretending you're not doing it moldies

few

My running club has a 'secret' fb group, by invitation only -I have no idea why they set it up like that

Now that is weird. Got ask this, nemo, have you been invited?:o

I'm a member of two private groups and one secret group. The secret group is because we don't want to have to reject people we know and we wish to have private chat among a group of very old friends who know each other's pasts and can talk openly about difficult issues we face. It's no different to meeting up with a close group of friends and not inviting the rest of the school mums.

The two closed groups are because they are sporting fixtures and we advertise where and when we meet. Allowing the general public to view is not safe. Anyone can however ask to be included by contacting an administrator who just needs to feel sure that the request is legit

YANBU fb refusers can be soo annoying. I belong to a club and one friend is fearful of fb she won't sign up to fb. She's always asking me how I know what's going on, she never sees photos / announcements that are posted, people say to her it's on all fb but she just won't use it. So tedious.

Haha, echt, when I joined I asked if they had a fb page, they said they did and that they'd add me. There wasn't a selection process or anything!

I use FB with a couple of groups. One is much like the church description above, and has slashed the amount of emails and letters sent.

Another is an NCT type group and has been central in maintaining a group friendship. Spontaneous and long term plans are set up on there.

The last is a club, set up in the days of emails. Gradually communication has shifted to the FB page. One couple have never joined FB. In the pattern that the OP describes, they're the ones that invest least in the group, and are tightest on sharing other communication such as their address or phone numbers. In not sharing and including themselves, they are now missing out on information as people are tired of doing double the work to keep them informed.

I don't care if people don't wish to refuse to join. I have lots of friends who don't use it. We meet up socially without FB because we are close friends. They miss out on group events because I'm not a social secretary for them. I also assume that they are not interested because if they were they'd join.

Its just as easy to send a group email, everyone cc'd in

I wouldn't make social arrangements and leave out mates just because i feel they should be on FB or "oh well they're not on here so tough". Thats not very friendly is it? Quite mean and dictatorial actually. Its easy enough to pick up the phone. Thats all saying you want to.

I think just solely using fb (and I LUUUURVE FB) to arrange things with a group of people, albeit friends, colleagues, family, class parents etc is daft.

Not everyone has access to the internet on a regular basis (at our school 93% have regular access) or even use fb.

It is pretty short sighted to think that people are 'bitching' when they miss out because they aren't on fb. The problem lies with the organiser/s not making sure everyone is made aware of the events.

I'm being inclusive by putting on fb for people I don't know very well ;)

But you're not...because you have an attitude that if they aren't on fb, it's their problem that they miss out. Which doesn't make you a very good organiser/host!

And going thru the sign up process & privacy process, just to join a group where there might be an event or two arranged is just way too much hassle.

be a considerate person organiser and realise that the fb isn't the be all & end all of life.

No, they've chosen to exclude themselves. How? Come on op, you know you are wrong, yet you want to blame others to justify you not having to do any more work than is absolutely necessary. Either that or you don't want to allow outside comms, because you want to know what everyone is saying about your crap organisational skills

Having a log in to a notice board is not going to soil anyone. What if they don't have access? You do realise that if a low income family cannot afford a computer, they will get left out & you are discriminating against them because they don't have a PC.

We have a family where the grandparents have custody of the kids, grandparents (like many members of the older generation) don't trust computers, or social networks (or perhaps don't use them as a way to avoid issues) so they get everything printed out & sent home. Is it OK to exclude them because they don't trust computers?

many of whom you won't have a mobile number for, many of whom you may not see at pick up or drop off. You are making excuses, op. There is an easier way...notes in book bags! All you have to do is figure out who you don't have contact details for & ask the teacher if they mind if you pop them in the book bags!

I'm a Facebook refuser and it doesn't sound like anything important is being shared in these groups. I'm assuming if anyone ended up with DCs clothes after camp they'd return them to the organisers. That if DC lost their spelling lists I could just phone her friend's mum etc. Someone with more spare time than me might be annoyed about missing out on a spontaneous trip to the park. But if you were that keen on going to park to enjoy the lovely weather, you'd go and probably bump into other people you know.

As long as all the really important info is diffused in other ways so that everyone has a chance to be informed, (whatever their reason for not being on fb ) it seems that the Facebook refusers op is talking about shouldn't be moaning.

If we emailed, texted, whatsapped, phoned, wrote, visited every possible participant we'd never organise a thing

How the hell did you manage before fb? Are we seriously being asked to believe that before the dawn of fb, NO ONE ever organise anything??

hahaha

MaryWestmacott You also are making the assumption that EVERYONE has a computer.

But, you know, it's facebook not crack cocaine. Really? Because you are giving the impression that you can't function without it.

it isn't up to the OP to ring/text sixty people every time some little comment goes out. She doesn't have to 1] contact 60 people...I bet that at least 90% of those she needs to contact are on fb, so it would be 10% (give or take) 2] tell everyone every little comment. Basic details via text/note in book bag for the 10%. (which is 3, in a class of 30) "event time, date, location, RSVP for numbers, bring your opwn food" that is all it takes.

As I said, lazy organising!

yet people still whinge because they choose to not look ??? How can they look if they don't have the means to see?

"It's not that difficult to set up a distribution list and email parents who aren't on FB Yes it is - Really? Our school secretary manages to email over 700 families, she also updates the myschool app, and the fb page & the website. I don't think she is superwoman (and no, social networking is NOT her job, it's just pat of it, newly introduced.

there is no other suitable method How did you communicate before the internet, op?

if they can't be in control of it they just want it to stop altogether. You are the one wanting the control, in wanting every single person to be accessible via a means YOU deem appropriate! You don't like that you might have to put in a little bit more work in order to reach everyone. Or does it suit you that some aren't reachable via fb?

get over yourself and stop being precious. How about if they can't access fb? No pc, no internet compatible phones...

BackforGood You need nowhere near 120 email addresses/phone numbers etc! All you need are ones for those who AREN'T on fb so you can email, a phone number to text or a slip of paper in the book bags.

Serious faceplam that people don't think a world exists outside fb! How did we know schools were closed due to weather? We had a phone tree...one person had 2/3 others to call/pop in on so word got around.

Really, life did exist before fb went public (only around 8yrs ago)

You are not FORCED to put photos up of your children, you are not FORCED to friend every one NO, you are just FORCED to join something you don't want to join!!!

there are some people who think their very soul will be soiled if they were to set up a Facebook account Why do you need to be so rude about those who don't do fb? It isn't the be all & end all of everyone's life.

I agree with you OP.
Different: why is it the OP's job to arrange notes in book bags? If a lot of the things posted on FB are spontaneous then that method wouldn't work anyway. Perhaps the parents who don't use FB can get together and organise an alternative way of staying in touch. I don't see why the OP should have to

I don't think the OP deserves this flak.

As I understand it, the OP took over a Facebook-based list page. While it concerns kids/parents at school, it is not school-based, not school sanctioned, the OP is not the class rep, so all the notes in bags suggestions are entirely beside the point.

The messages/meets are for those parents who choose to sign up/log on this Facebook page, not this-is-the-only-way-you'll-ever-find-out-about-anything-happening-at-your-child's-school.So far as I can see it, the OP is doing the parents a favour.

I speak as the most up my own arse/high and mighty FaceBook refuser going. In the southern hemisphere.:o