People who are high and mighty about not being on facebook and then bitch when they miss out on stuff that's organised through facebook

[nemoschmemo]

I know a few people like this. Turn their noses up at facebook (fine, their choice) but then go "wah, why wasn't I invited" when people make plans using facebook groups.

Case in point there's a fb group for parents of DC in my DDs year. People use it for things like reminders about what homework/spellings are this week.

Also sometimes gets used for social things - e.g. " a group of us are going to X play centre after school tonight if anyone fancies it."

I like fb groups for organising group activities - it's massively complicated trying to arrange things like that via text when you can't see what others are saying, email is too complicated as you end up with a gazillion emails and many of them cross.

With a fb group you can have a group conversation, it just makes sense.

But some people can't possibly just join fb to join a group and then just not indulge in the bits they don't like, they're too good for that. Fine. But don't then go '"WAH! I got left out!"

I think some people are paranoid about giving their emails/phone numbers but will probably think nothing of getting a quote for car insurance online. (Name address, date of birth, car make, convictions planned use) or travel insurance (when where address name) It's a skewed perception of risk.

As far as I can tell people/everyone just like to moan about something. And if it can't be real, eg debt, they will engineer a way to moan, eg fb.

I'm assuming you x-posted january as you can't be suggesting that I track down 60 people and get their mobile numbers or grab every parent in DD's year at pick up or drop off?

I guess if you're worried you'd spend all day on it then yeah, you have to be disciplined. But, you know, it's facebook not crack cocaine.

Mary exactly.

Older yep, I've got a couple of those at school - it's down to me to tell them if anything's been said on there and they get really sniffy about it.

I agree with you OP - indeed, it's why I signed up after years of resisting FB, becaus more and more bits and bobs were being shard on there, especially things I belong to.

Nobody is excluding anyone - This isn't a fixed annual event for all dc or anything, it's a casual "We're off to soft play / park / wherever after school if anyone wants to join us it will be lovely to see you" comment going out to the parents of 60 dc. Even if the OP had the time / texts in her bundle / numbers of all parents in her phone, I bet some of you shouting 'excluding' would then ask about those dc picked up by CMs or OoSClubs or Nannies or Grandparents......

Realistically, OP can post a notice (which anyone can opt to see) or not bother. She's not excluding people, people are restricitng their information by choosing not to sign up.

I understand perfectly what OP is saying about it being a quick and easy way to disseminate information to a large number of people.

You can put some seriously tight settings on a Facebook account including a block on people sending you friend requests. All you need to do is join the group and log in now and then to check any updates. No other interaction is required. Nobody has to upload profile or cover pictures, you can leave them blank.

If someone doesn't want to join Facebook then fine but if you know that things are organised this way then it's a bit precious to complain about being 'left out'.

Obviously there are exceptions where someone has an unusual name and is, for example, a victim of DV trying to stay incognito. If that's the case then I'm sure OP would ensure that they were kept informed.

Yes, but if you read the OP you'll see that I'm not talking about those people.

They would still be missing out on the info

I'm a FB user but would always make sure non-users get the brief on arrangements. Seems a bit unkind to exclude them because of their person preferences.

Years ago when not everyone had a home phone, you'd find another means of getting in touch. Same thing.

Personal preferences, rather

it isn't up to the OP to ring/text sixty people every time some little comment goes out. Everyone knows the facebook page is there, they can sign up or not. it's like bitching that you missed a notice on a noticeboard beacuse you're too good to go and look at it. tough.

i suspect most people saying that it's "not inclusive" don't really use facebook for this sort of thing, so don't know that it actually is inclusive. Unless you exclude yourself through choice.

And it is unfortunate that people not using facebook for non high and mighty reasons will miss out. but still, not up to the OP (or the others) to figure out who isn't using it and find their numbers, etc etc. christ, nothing would ever get done.

In ye olde days before Facebook people still missed out because they weren't around when a conversation was had. Maybe they worked, maybe they went to the gym...they dipped out. Nowadays the news can be accessed at work, at the gym...yet people still whinge because they choose to not look ???

As an aside, I often find it's the people who complain about being excluded who also never, ever put themselves out to organise anything themselves.

I organised a night out last year with parents from school (pre the fb group )

I did it like this - spoke to the people I know, invited them, told them everyone was welcome, please spread the word, let others know etc etc.

What happened? Someone I have never, ever spoken to before wanted to know why they hadn't been personally invited.

HOW do you invite everyone personally? You can't, you just spread the word, it's not personal!

it's like moaning no one phones you when you don't have a phone.

I don't use facebook, I stopped using it just over a year ago but I told people first (family) and gave them my mobile number.
They arrange family things through facebook and don't tell me then I get asked a day before if I'm going to "the party" and how disappointed they will be that they wont get to see the children
pisses me right off.

tbh I don't care if I go or not but don't moan about us not going to an event I knew nothing about.

It's not that difficult to set up a distribution list and email parents who aren't on FB. Perhaps not with every jot and tittle, but with enough to avoid excluding them totally.

And do remember that those whose emails aren't in published lists (like PTA directories) might be absent from them because they do not want details published even to a fairly limited community. Not because they don't want to be included. If you spot that someone's not in a distribution, it might be worth finding out if they would like the info by another means.

You do need to think if you're actually excluding the most vulnerable, or giving a double whammy to those with genuine privacy reasons (which they might not want generally known).

"It's not that difficult to set up a distribution list and email parents who aren't on FB"

Yes it is

There is NO published email list at my DC school. I have barely anybody's email address, even good friends.

"You do need to think if you're actually excluding the most vulnerable, or giving a double whammy to those with genuine privacy reasons (which they might not want generally known)."

We are not 'excluding' there is no other suitable method. And I'm sorry, if somebody has privacy issues (wish I understand - e.g. the DV example) are they really going to give their email address to some random in the playground? REALLY???

The 'excluding' argument if you follow it to it's natural conclusion - you have to close everything down, stop inviting people, stop socialising JUST IN CASE somebody is left out and gets offended.

Sometimes I think that's what people actually want, if they can't be in control of it they just want it to stop altogether.

Gawd I'm off one one now - I've never heard a non-fber say "actually, I'm not on fb, why don't I set up an email distribution list for those of us who aren't on there and pass the message on?" Never" It's just pissy pissy "i don't do facebook".

i second (third etc) if you are hiding/or dont want to 'do facebook' set up a blank account for these things

You KNOW that people are using FB for this reason, to arrange get togethers, get over yourself and stop being precious.

You are not FORCED to put photos up of your children, you are not FORCED to friend every one

The funniest thing of all is that I know a couple of people who are very disdainful about fb, but then admit that they use their DH's fb accounts to log on and look people up on there.

They talk about looking stuff up on fb as if it's porn or something

What Older said.
Also AngelDreams

If anyone who isn't on FB, wants to go to the trouble of finding out the e-mail addresses of the parents of 60 dc (so quite possibly closer to 120 people), agreeing with them all that they can be on a list / group, and then personally e-mailing out any snippets they hear, or questions they may have, or invitations (including last minute and very casual/informal) to all those people, then I'm sure OP wouldn't have a problem with that.
As it is, she's using the 21st Century equivalent of putting a notice up on the village green - it's there for anyone who wants to read it, if you choose not to, then that's fine, but you can hardly complain that the initiator didn't personally walk round all 120 houses in the village to deliver the message.

Can I just put a word in for families who can't afford internet access (self evidently I'm not one) but I know of parents at our school that just can't afford it. Maybe the high handedness is disguising embarrassment in some cases. I know internet access should be considered a utility these days but it's a huge financial outlay for many to get started