To ask about never working again ...

[betweenmarchandmay]

I worked from being 22 to 28 (teacher.)

I was posting on the thread about being a SAHM and it occurred to me I can't really see a future where I'd work again.

Has anyone else spent most or all of their adult life not working?

Just wondering. I'm not sure how I feel about it.

YY to getting financially clued up. You cheerfully admit you have no involvement in household finances - on a practical level this seems odd; if your DH is busy in his high earning job, wouldn't it be a better use of both your time if you looked after money matters? It suggests both of you think you're not capable. Your comment about

d'you mean state pension? Because everybody gets that, don't they?

also seems odd - as a former teacher I would expect you to have general knowledge about this sort of thing. I think that and the point above are what YesIDid is getting at: I would expect teachers to have a bit more knowledge than this. Were you primary or secondary?

Given your own admission about not being financially clued up, I would be concerned that you are thinking your private income would, if necessary, be enough to live on, when you might be badly misjudging that. Has someone told you that or given you financial advice? I personally don't believe state pensions will be around when I retire (and therefore when you or your DH reach retirement age). And, did you say your DH works in the NHS? If so, it's not true that it's a job for life anymore. My DH worked in a similar environment, higher rate taxpayer, all that, then was made redundant just as the job market became very difficult. I was bloody glad I kept my job then (which, by the way, I love and would do if I won the lottery, albeit with a self-funded PA to pick up some of the dreariest bits ). It's a serious of big assumptions you're making. Do some research on what your money is really worth etc.

At the moment I have concernsy disability and health will leave me unable to work

I taught secondary but not maths :) (English.)

Private income is tied up in property mainly - which is dependent on people letting two flats.

Nomad, I don't think it's jealousy in the main. I can't imagine being unemployed by choice.

Working brings many benefits not just an income. For me, it's to show DS that you can work and parent and like others I have always instilled in him that future partners should have a career. Just because he is male, he shouldn't be seen as a meal ticket.

I also can't imagine not earning my own money and being reliant on DH for my every need. I'm an adult and want to buy my own tampax or headache pills rather than have to have every item bought for me.

A second income is also a safety net should anything happen, it's nice to have that security.

I keep myself busy I suppose. I go to the gym, have pets, the school run, a 9 month old :)

I'm certainly not jealous. Honestly I couldn't think of anything worse, for me and my personality, than being a sahm.

I like working and what it gives me in terms of self esteem. I'm also good at it - earth mother I'm not.

My mum always worked. So it's what I'm used to I suppose.

We are all different, that's what makes life interesting!

I think if you'd actually made this decision instead of "falling into it" and you were happy you wouldn't even have felt the need to start the thread.

I also suspect that if you woke up tomorrow with an idea and a burning desire to do something, and even more importantly a belief that you could, you'd want to work again.
I have a horrible feeling that the longer you're out of the workplace the harder it will be to make changes, and your husband knows that. He doesn't want you to work and you argued about it. I think that's quite telling.

I gave up teaching like you op, when i was 35 and spent 15 years as a sahm.
I've recently got myself a very part time job in a shop. It's not that boring for a few hours a week and the people are nice and there is no responsibility at all. I go and come home again.
I still don't need to work as such, but the few pounds I earn gives us more money to spend on the luxuries. I do think it is a waste of my qualifications but it suits me at the moment. I guess I may want to do something more challenging at some point but my confidence has gone downhill and I think I've definitely been out of the job market for too long, although I haven't actually tried to get anything "better" (warning to others who are intending to return to work). I've never had any ambition though, and I know I don't want to go back to teaching or any other stressful job. I quite like working for the few hours I do and I am confident enough in myself to not worry about what people think of me working in a shop.

So never say never. I couldn't have forseen this several years ago.

He doesn't want you to work to the extent he's argued with you over it?

He doesn't sound like a great bloke, from the way you're describing him.

Have you always thought you were too stupid to work or is this something that you've begun thinking over time?

I can definitely relate to you in that way op, you have put it very well. I had one of those (pointless) review meetings at my bank last year, they asked me tons of questions that I couldn't answer and yet I've always looked after my own finances! I'm not in any trouble financially but I have no idea about the ins and outs of it all!!

I'm an adult and want to buy my own tampax or headache pills rather than have to have every item bought for me - I am not a SAHM any more but we have always had a shared bank account and when I was a SAHM I would buy whatever I wanted/needed - there was never any question of 'asking' for tampax money.

But, so many of these discussions depend on what you, and your DH earn, many SAHMs with partners who earn reasonable salaries are clearly much better off (financially) than a couple where both of you earn NMW for example, and whether you share everything without question or if you are a SAHM who doesn't even have access to family income. Even couples who are both earning often seem to have strict views on who earns what and who can spend what with complicated arrangements for 'pocket money' or whatever.

Perhaps that's why I started the thread - a sort of way or finding out what inspires others.

I don't exactly like the way things have evolved - believe it or not I sometimes, frequently even, feel very inadequate but it is sometimes easier to be inadequate alone then in company.

If that makes sense.

I had ten years out and always joked I would only go back to work if a school hours term time only job came up./

Lo and behold 17 years ago one did and I got it. It was great, never had to worry about childcare, if a kid was sick I was allowed no questions asked to have unpaid leave or work from home. I am still there, though I work four full days a week now as my kids are grown up.

I could not imagine not working now, I think I would go mad!

I would not last very long as a housewife. fair play op if that's what you want out of life.

OP I am so jealous, I would LOVE not to work! I have worked FT for over 20 years in a proper 'career' with no break other than normal holidays. No DCs, but both DP and me would love for me to be at home doing the 1950s housewife thing while he goes out to bring home the bacon and calls to say 'you can put the dinner on honey I'll be home in 20 minutes'. I'd even wear a pinny.

Unfortunately this is unlikely to happen any time soon as we can't afford it. But if we got to a point where we could afford it and he was happy to support me I'd do it in a heartbeat.

and retraining isn't an option - and can't think of anything I'd like to do that I could just do

This sounds quite a silly position to take. Why on earth is retraining not an option?

As for not knowing what you would like to 'just do' it makes me wonder if you actually are fulfilled as a SAHP. Dont you have hobbies that you enjoy/fill spare time? Or things you might like to start doing? Surely those would be a starting point if looking for a part time job (especially one you didnt 'need' so could afford to be choosy). I know you are happy as you are now but please dont write yourself off from the world of paid work. If you do decide in a few years to go back and just cant think what you might like to do i would suggest simply browsing local job adverts and you'll quickly get an idea of what tickles your fancy and what definitely isnt for you.

I know this is different for everyone but for me i absolutely love Earning my own money. Perhaps because i have been on benefits before, but i really do get a buzz out of seeing money go into my account that i earned with my own hard work and i can actually pinpoint what job earned what money. I find it very satisfying.

surly because retraining would involve well, retraining I suppose - time and commitment elsewhere.

I have hobbies. I have horses. Not sure re part time work though. Maybe in the future when dd is at school. She is very young still.

Sorry to hear that bat

It's quite easy to fill your day when you have a 9 month old. It's a completely different kettle of fish when you have a 9yo or a 19yo. You might find you feel totally different in a couple of years.

DS is 7; I stopped work completely when he started school - more by accident than design. Then had dd in April.

I gave up work 17 years ago when I had my first child. I became self employed working from home when my youngest was 10 months old, working 10 hours a week or so to start with. I now work 28 hours a week , but it is variable, and gives me enough time to support my teenage kids with after school lifts etc and attend 5 daytime gym classes a week.

I earn a good full time salary. The nature of the work may change ( I have several different income streams) but I can't see myself working for an employer again.