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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about never working again ...

476 replies

betweenmarchandmay · 21/01/2015 16:18

I worked from being 22 to 28 (teacher.)

I was posting on the thread about being a SAHM and it occurred to me I can't really see a future where I'd work again.

Has anyone else spent most or all of their adult life not working?

Just wondering. I'm not sure how I feel about it.

OP posts:
Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 21/01/2015 18:44

I think it's a shame that you can't think of anything to do that would bring you pleasure or a sense of satisfaction. I also think it's shame that your daughter won't have a role model of a woman who works and achieves, I know that's probably an unpopular view but it's just based on my own experiences....seeing my mum working, studying and achieving genuinely was an inspiration to me and helped me to believe that I could do the same. If she'd just sat around laughing about how she wasn't interested in anything I think I would have been less inspired.
If money isn't an issue then you have the joy of being able to work for pleasure and pride even if it doesn't make much money, I would love to be in that position.

Baddz · 21/01/2015 18:44

Upthechimney....so in your view I am a prostitute!?
Fucking hell.
Poor old Dh is getting a real bum deal here :)

UptheChimney · 21/01/2015 18:48

She said "keep your hand in" In other words do a little bit of work voluntary or paid so you don't lose confidence

Yup, I was given this advice by a senior woman in my profession. Never ever give up your job: that doesn't mean that you have to work full time all the time. But keep working in some way. It's better for your mental & physical health. And you can always pick up more when you need to (I was glad I did, as my DH died very suddenly -- we had life insurance, but that's not the same).

Ragwort · 21/01/2015 18:49

Squeezy - yes, you are right, I didn't phrase that very well. I just think the Op needs to understand, when she says she has 'independent wealth' what the position is if she and her DH split up. From what she has said she has admitted she doesn't understand much about finance and for her own benefit,(and her DH's) she needs to have a clear understanding of what her position would be she was not 'dependent' on her DH.

You are quite right to point that out Smile. (I don't think I actually said 'hide' her money).

Mrsmorton · 21/01/2015 18:49

You sound quite ditsy. I'd at least read about pensions before becoming a housewife.

Your parents had good financial heads on it would seem.

ohtheholidays · 21/01/2015 18:50

I haven't gone out to work for the last 7 years.

I had our youngest DC(DD now 7) and I became seriously ill and then disabled within a year.

Unless a miracle happens and they find some cures for the illnesses I have I'll never be able to work again that makes me really sad.

Pensionerpeep · 21/01/2015 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UptheChimney · 21/01/2015 18:50

Upthechimney....so in your view I am a prostitute!?

No, that's not what I wrote.

Bowlersarm · 21/01/2015 18:51

That all sounds very dreary GloopySoupy, thank god I'm the exception to the rule.

Altinkum · 21/01/2015 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shakemysilliesout · 21/01/2015 18:52

I know a lady who never worked.

Her daughter is 30- resents working, still lives at home and wants a man to keep her.

The lady is desperate to be a grandma now...

Make sure your daughters don't feel entitled to a life of not working

SqueezyCheeseWeasel · 21/01/2015 18:53

alisavat, I didn't say that was my opinion.

UptheChimney · 21/01/2015 18:53

three of my friends divorced or split up with long term partners in their early forties as well

I saw that happen to some of my friends and I sometimes have to work with the type of men who run off with a younger model they had sacrificed a huge amount -- more than they realised until their ex-husbands made them "redundant" and the divorce settlement just does not pay back that kind of sacrifice: pension, earning capacity, etc etc etc.

I was devastated at my DH's sudden death but 20 years later I look at what some of my friends have gone through & I think in some ways I had a lucky escape.

TheWordFactory · 21/01/2015 18:54

crystal usually in these types of threads, the OP doesn't actually want any response except 'oh I'm jealous ' '

SqueezyCheeseWeasel · 21/01/2015 18:55

ragwort, no you're right, you didn't say she should hide them. Apologies.

Apologies too to alis, my autocorrect is going ape.

Bowlersarm · 21/01/2015 18:55

ragwort did you go back at 56 for financial reasons? Or boredom? (Or a third option I can't think of.........)

morethanpotatoprints · 21/01/2015 18:55

I don't know anything about pensions tbh and have steered clear of them.
It doesn't mean my future isn't safe and i don't know what I'm doing financially.
In fact i've managed the business and our family finances for 20 odd years without any problems.
Some people do things differently to others.
I don't think I could ever be a housewife the same as I couldn't be a wohm.

bobbyjoe · 21/01/2015 18:56

Both my mum and dad told me to never depend on a man financially. I never have. Very good advice I would definitely be giving to a daughter if I had one. My mother was not really trained for anything but she still managed to work over the years in various jobs, took in sewing, cleaning in pubs. Dad was loaded and worked away but she still felt it essential to do something.

The argument that this is what women's lib is all about - having the choice - well I'm sorry but I think that's rubbish because that choice can be to the disadvantage of the other person in the relationship who by and large never has that choice - to either work less or stop work. It's an unequal balance in a relationship, from both sides, and I feel strongly enough about it to be telling my DSs to try and consider a life partner that has the same work ethic as him, who values her career, because I don't want him to have the sole financial burden in this day and age. With both of them working hopefully they can pay a mortgage off faster, save faster, retire earlier, enjoy the financial rewards of work. All of which is important. Work hard, play hard.

EatSleepRaveRepeat · 21/01/2015 18:57

I make a shit SAHM/Housewife.. I was unemployed for around 6 months the house is cleaner now I work 25 hrs a week than it was when I was home all day.

Alisvolatpropiis · 21/01/2015 18:57

I know Squeezy. I don't necessarily with how it is dealt with by the courts at present myself, but generally speaking that's what happens.

It will be interesting to see what happens as marriages where the wife is the higher earner and the husband the stay at home parent start breaking down in terms of current precedent being followed or not.

Mrsmorton · 21/01/2015 18:58

thewordfactory yes yes.

CrystalHaze · 21/01/2015 18:59

thewordfactory, I ummed and ahhed about whether to ask if it was all one big stealth boast, but then thought that might be a bit baity Wink

fancyanotherfez · 21/01/2015 18:59

I really don't understand these SAHM threads. They all have women on them saying 'My husband earns massive amounts of money and loves his job, whereas I was in a minimum/ average wage job and hated it, so I'm never going to work again' How are we educating our children that after 50 years of so called Liberation, women are stuck in such dull jobs and the men are all in such fulfilling careers? Do women who want to be long term SAHM's seek out driven high achiever men, is it just coincidence or is it that you look at your circumstances and then think 'I don't have to work again- Yipee'!?

Jackiebrambles · 21/01/2015 19:00

I think if you are happy and your DH is happy supporting you then go for it.

For me it's all about money though. My DH earns very well, but we live in london and our costs are high.

We could afford for me to be a sahm but it's just not for me, I do need work for my mental health /identity!

Plus we wAnt to be able to help our kids through uni/with deposits on homes etc and we need two salaries to be able to save for that. Plus once we've done that we want to retire at 60 and spend our time travelling/drinking cocktails. We need cash and savings for that!

So I guess for me it's about what your goals in life are.

Original poster
betweenmarchandmay · 21/01/2015 19:11

Goodness of course it's not a boast.

I genuinely did want to talk to others about it although I guess aibu isn't the best place. Don't forget - I only have some of the options I do because I lost both parents before 30. And my brother.

Pleasant but aimless is a fair enough summary I guess.

OP posts: