To think being sahm to 2 primary aged kids is the life of Reilly?

[Mummyusername]

Just that really. My youngest will start school soon and Im imagining having the perfect combo of me time and then kids' hubbub after school.
Just wondering if I'm missing something though as when working I imagined having way more time on my hands when at home than I actually seem to have?

I'm a SAHM to two school age children.

I'm definitely living the life of Riley.

Not long up from a nap. Have put chicken in slow cooker and will get my DC in 2 hours so will arse about on the internet until then.

Not every day is so lazy but enough for it to be veeeery nice staying home.

Hell yeah, I've done both. Of course Its a life of Reilly. The only stressful bits are the rush with drop off and pickup. The hours in between that are calm. Nice not to have the stress when one of the kids is ill too.

mmmmmm Tiffin. Bloody diet

We made a conscious decision to earn between us what we needed to get by, with a small amount saved for emergency car repairs etc.We had 3 pre-school children for one year and I did not work that year but worked one day a week for a couple of years afterb that whilst DH worked a condensed week over 4 days. I increased my hours as the kids did preschool/school and then when DH lost his job I worked ft and he was a SAHD. During most of this time one of us was always available if a child was sick or had a snow day/INSET etc. We avoided all the stress assosiated with 2x wp but filled our time with a whole list of stuff between us. I was a school governor,on church PCC,Sunday school leader,Pastoral care co-ordinator,Trustee of local village hall and my husband is a leader at local Youthgroup,Foodbank volunteer,Family Support work volunteer etc. There is so much that needs to be done in the community that if everyone took a view that money is the most important thing,there would be no volunteers for anything,particularly stuff that takes place during the day. I get the impression that on MN it is often assumed that SAHM's have wealthy husbands and can afford to go out endlessly doing lunch with their wealthy friends. I don't know what is considered wealthy but when I was at home my husband earned less than £25,000 and had to buy a season ticket to London out of that. All our clothes were hand-me-downs or charity shop bought including school uniform (I ran the second hand uniform shop too!) but we survived and they have always had either mum or dad to take them to and meet them from school. I agree that being a SAHM once your kids are at school is far less stressful than juggling kids and a job but there is SO MUCH out there in the world that needs doing that there is no excuse to be bored. For the first time last year we ended up both working pretty much FT as my unemployed DH suddenly got a ft job and I was contracted to work 28 hours plus 4 extra hours on a private contract. It was okay until the holidays , as DH job is homebased and kids independent now to/from school but I suddenly realised the kids needed holiday clubs and did not all want to go to the same one. I reduced my hours to half-time rather than feel I had to force them to spend their holidays in clubs where they did not want to be. Being there at all times for our kids and keeping homelife as stressfree as possible are 2 big priorities for us and if that means not having much money then so be it.

I think those people who gain their self esteem and identity from their job would struggle as a long term sahp, they lose identity through parenthood and need to be at work to have a purpose.

I think if you are happy as you are and have self esteem and don't define happiness, identity and purpose by the job you do then maybe being a sahp would work for you.

I have to say, I do admire how much some of you do while the children are at school.

I am in a temporary and unexpected period of staying at home. Some days I achieve very little between drop off and pick up.

Mine are senior school, they get the bus. I loathed the school run, that was the one thing I didn't miss when I went to work!

is it fair to live life of Reilly when DH works FT? Do any of you who do it feel guilty?

I think you run the risk of getting into the mindset where you never buy yourself anything due to the guilt while your DH (unaware of your sentiments) happily goes through life buying himself the occasional nice thing, and then you wind up feeling resentful and like life is passing you by.

I used to feel a bit like that - DH allocated himself a fiver a day for luxuries such as a coffee, while I would be horrified at his indulgence and view a £2 bar of chocolate per week for myself as a great treat and financially unjustifiable. TBF, he had no problem with me having luxuries too; it was just that I felt guilty about them. It was entirely my issue.
Funnily enough, I quite happily splurge £5 a day on trifles now I'm back at work!

Try not to feel guilty, if you can; imagine the wage you'd be paid if you had to employ someone to do all the things you do, and pretend that you're having that coffee out of your 'wages'.

I've been doing it for 6 months and I'm finding it great .

DH is self employed and works from home a lot, though, so we share domestic stuff and school runs. It might be different if he was out of the house 10 hours a day and i was solely responsive for all of it.

At the moment, I go to the gym every morning, do a spot of housework (we have low standards anyway, so its no great burden), then spend a few hours in the afternoon doing my own thing - writing, reading, artsy stuff, occasionally even go to the cinema on my own. I do all the cooking now, but have more time to plan and make nice things, so it doesn't feel like a chore.

The only down side is that all of my friends work, so not much company.

I'm looking for a job at the moment, so maybe its the novelty factor that makes it so great for me. It might lose its appeal eventually (although i doubt it ).

I think if you are happy as you are and have self esteem and don't define happiness, identity and purpose by the job you do then maybe being a sahp would work for you.

So people who prefer working are the ones who lack self-esteem?! Nice!

My opinion might not be very popular, but I think once kids are in full time education, SAHM'S should get a part time job. If not for their own self-worth, for the sake of their husband who are probably working long hours in stressful jobs and coming home to a wife who has been lunching with her friends, having coffee, doing a bit of cleaning and saying how busy she's been.

Why should your husband have to fund you staying at home, living a life of luxury, while he works his ass off to feed you and the kids, pay all the bills and keep a roof over your head. Can you imagine if a man was doing this? He'd be called a cocklodger!

We live in a time where women have a lot more options, this isn't the 1950's anymore. Women want it all their own way and want equality when it suits them. Their husbands have agreed (through constant nagging by their wives) for them to stay at home, just to keep the peace they allow it. Resentment soon takes over and the marriage usually ends. Husband no longer respects his wife.

A family member is a SAHM and has been for over 10 years, both kids ages 6 and 9. Her husband died in his sleep a few months ago, probably stress related and now his wife is down shit creek without a paddle. She hasn't worked in over 10 years, how is she supposed to support her family when the life insurance runs out?

I just feel sorry for a lot of men who are overworked and stressed out and expected to financially support a grown woman who is acting like a dependent child because she doesn't want to work. I'm sure your husband doesn't want to work either, but he has no choice.

I think you're right Partridge, guilt is very self inflicted.

£5 a day? That is a LOT of trifle.

I am SAHM to 3 school age. I love it and I am VERY busy, but with things I like doing - walking the dog, exercising, cooking, gardening, learning a language, de-cluttering, mnetting etc...

I look after all the finances, housework, shopping etc... and try to get everything done during the day so DH and I can really chill out in the evenings and at weekends. We have a fun social life too, which I just don't think we could have if I worked. Also, my house is clean, my life is organised, my kids love having a parent to pick up and drop off and I can help out at school, watch every concert/play etc... I never take it for granted, we are lucky to be able to afford this kind of life.

however, my kids have 17-18 weeks holiday per year, plus sick days so it's only a life of Riley 35-36 weeks per year!

To be honest the main reason I work too is because I would feel bad if we started struggling for money and it was all on my Dh's shoulders to bring the money in. I was on extended mat leave when the recession hit, dh lost a fortune and I felt useless. He never made me feel guilty though.

ladydepp

17-18 weeks a year holiday?

Are you in the UK?

Mine only have 13??

Awww this was going to be me in 9 months time when DC2 starts school, I scuppered that by being pg with DC3 - I've been robbed I tells ya!

I feel like I have a life of leisure to SAH with a 3yo and a 4mo. Unless I'm missing something I can't imagine how it could be harder? Where do people find all these chores to do?

lady but don't forget, those of us who are teachers also have the DCs during the holidays (our only time off work!) ;)

I am SAHM to 2 primary aged DC and yes I would say I have a pretty easy and good life!

It doesn't take long to do all the boring stuff like cleaning/shopping so a big proportion of school hours I have to myself. I do help out at school with reading, helping organizing film nights, spring fair etc and I go on school trips, go to all assemblies and such like but still a lot of free time.

I have a lot of SAHM friends in the same position so we get together a lot for a variety of things - coffee, book club, swimming.....

DS2 is reception and I plan on not working for a couple more years, DH is completely in agreement with this. I'm enjoying having time to really think about what I want to do long term. DH is happy as the house is organized, evenings and weekends are all about spending time together without doing chores so for now it suits us all.

Do Starbucks etc. even sell trifle?

I mean I'm mumsnettjngn and watching netflix at the moment while feeding 4mo. 3yo in nursery. It's bliss and really if only I could afford to be a lady of leisure:

hopingforamiracle - FFS what a ridiculous post. I don't even know where to start. Obviously if someone's DH felt bitter and twisted about their not working it would be an issue. But my DH, and many like him (and I know several SAHDs too) are happy to leave the SAHP jobs to someone else in exchange for having an interesting career. My DH has often said that he would die of boredom staying at home all day, he would much rather be doing his interesting and well paid job and I am happy at home and not bored at all. So it works for both of us. He's not "funding" me, we are a partnership and this is how it works best for our family. Not sure how getting a part time job between 9am and 3pm 35 weeks per year will improve things

Hoping, you're talking bollocks. All that "constant nagging" and "resentment" shite.

Honestly.

Maybe you know someone that fits that scenario but Jesus, do you really need to be told that's not a fit for everyone else?

Oh,oh I better get a job or my poor husband will leave me!

Interesting point the financial guilt, I've just given up a good salary & career to support the business and improve family life, I found myself asking if I could buy some posh bath bubbles yesterday! Woooahhh, I gave myself a talking to and transferred the funds to my account this morning. Must get them ordered! Thats an easy path to follow and should be avoided.

EElizaveta om nom nom nom TRIFLE!

Seriously, there's sensible financial planning and there's having no joy in your life at all. SAHMs tend to err on the side of caution with finances IME, which can leave them and everyone else feeling less happy than they could be. If I were to do it again I'd be a lot less self-sacrificing and enjoy my life a bit more.