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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think being sahm to 2 primary aged kids is the life of Reilly?

418 replies

Mummyusername · 21/01/2015 11:41

Just that really. My youngest will start school soon and Im imagining having the perfect combo of me time and then kids' hubbub after school.
Just wondering if I'm missing something though as when working I imagined having way more time on my hands when at home than I actually seem to have?

OP posts:
wobblyweebles · 21/01/2015 13:48

Taz1212 - same here :-)

But he is adorable luckily.

Stinkle · 21/01/2015 13:50

No, I don't feel guilty. We've made choices for our family together and both feel that our roles within our family are equally valid.

DH has a job he enjoys in a field that he loves. He is very ambitious and in the early years he worked hard, with long stretches away from home with no notice and god awful hours to earn his stripes. He now has a 9-5 Monday - Friday job down the road, where he's able to pick and choose where he goes and what he does and is home in time to eat dinner with the kids every night. I don't think he'd have been able get as far as he has if I hadn't been around to pick up the slack with the children.

I'm not ambitious and I've never wanted a proper career, I was made redundant at the same time a job he really wanted landed in his lap so it made sense for me to stay at home

We talked for years about fostering but our local authority insists that one of us is at home full time.

We both ideally wanted one of us to be at home if possible and made our choices together

And I don't nag!

lemonhope · 21/01/2015 13:51

It is easy but boring. I hate the feeling that the cleanliness of the house etc is all on my shoulders (because quite frankly it should be if you are home all day with dp at work and dcs at school ). I work 5 days a week until 2 so have time to do most errands but don't feel guilty about getting dh to pull his weight

Stinkle · 21/01/2015 13:52

And yeah, if DH dropped dead tomorrow, financially I'd be a lot better off than we are now

o0 · 21/01/2015 13:56

If my DH dropped dead tomorrow the money I'd save in biscuits and pastries would keep me financially secure.

BadPoet · 21/01/2015 13:58

I'm at home more just now than I've ever been, have one child at home with me too (home-ed) and yes, I agree, those days really are the life of Riley.

I worked from home when mine were pre-schoolers and until recently was working out of the home nearly full time over 5 days and I really don't miss the rush and stress at all. We've adjusted to the lower income, I have more time to do housework/cook from scratch and budget/manage money. All things I had to do when I was working but I can space it out to suit myself rather than cramming it in when exhausted.

TwoLittleTerrors · 21/01/2015 13:58

thinkivebeenhacked I think some people create more work than it's needed? Like reading hygellic posts. I have a 3yo and a 4mo. No way does house work stretches into the weekend. I cooked every dinner from scratch with no jarred sauce during the week. And both lunch and dinner in the weekends. Housework takes all of 30min tues to fri. I have no housework scheduled for Monday or the weekend. A load of laundry each day and all hung up in the conservatory. But I don't keep chickens. I have no idea how it could take more time. I do all my shopping during the week too.

TwoLittleTerrors · 21/01/2015 13:59

Or yes maybe I don't live in a mansion so that's why vacuuming takes 30min or less.

PlumpingUpPartridge · 21/01/2015 14:00

morethanpotatoprints Quite! Grin

arethereanyleftatall · 21/01/2015 14:01

Yup, being a sahp is bliss.

I want to know where all the posters who are agreeing with this (so most of this thread) go when there is a daily thread along the lines of 'my life is so hard, my husband who works out of the house for 100 hours a week doesn't help at all with the housework' and every poster, bar me, says 'poor you, he should do half' . Where are you all then???

notnaice · 21/01/2015 14:03

Hoping.

I'm sure that a lot of sahms would work if it meant their DH could work less hours and have an easier life too. But the reality for many of us is that our DH's work the hours they do because they have to in that particular career. If I had worked too, it would have resulted in more stress for him, not less. He would still be working the number of hours he does then he would have to also contribute more to the running of our home and the caring of our children. I took that pressure off him allowing him to focus completely on his career.

A few people may be in the situation where the DH resents it and could reduce his work load if she works, but that is not the reality for many.

Also a lot of men would hate caring for children and staying at home.

Every case should be judged on its own merits according to the individual dynamics of each family.

Therefore you are talking bollocks

UterusUterusGhali · 21/01/2015 14:08

Like a fool, I started working hours more the very week my youngest started school. Hmm

FOOL!

morethanpotatoprints · 21/01/2015 14:09

I don't like talking about dhs dying, touch wood everybody Grin So i'll use the running off with secretary scenario, even though I'm dh secretary Grin

Everything is in my name or joint. I have my own money and property.
I have made sure I would be able to continue our business even though I'm not employed in it because its the job/ career I used to have.

I'm sure others have made other arrangements whether sah or woh.
I think most people would have to change their lifestyle in such an event.

morethanpotatoprints · 21/01/2015 14:12

arethere

They are all at work. That's why they say the dh should do half because they work too.

arethereanyleftatall · 21/01/2015 14:14

I meant the sahp's potato.

Jackieharris · 21/01/2015 14:16

I've had times of this and alternated between feeling bored and feeling like I had no time for anything.

Being 'available' during the day means I'm seen as 'available' for all sorts of things my parents and partner want me to do.

There always seems to be phone calls to be made, school events to go to. Lots of bits and pieces.

Also I found the rigidity of the timing of the school run really restricted the afternoon as I'd often finish one thing then not have enough time to start another so would be waiting around for half and hour to go to pick up DCs.

BigPawsBrown · 21/01/2015 14:16

Sounds pretty horrendous to me, to be honest, but looking after things and doing housework are not things I am good at or remotely enjoy. To be honest at the moment I'd like just an hour of leisure time per day Sad

kaykayred · 21/01/2015 14:17

I guess so - being 30 I don't think either of us have got much in the way of health insurance.

There are an awful lot of posts in the Relationships board about women whose husbands have fucked off, and they are left with nothing. So it does happen, and it's not rare.

I can see the advantages and the appeal, but I just couldn't!

Smartleatherbag · 21/01/2015 14:19

I was a sahp, one at school, one pre schooler but tbh, even though there was more time, I just felt that the balance of power was uneven, despite dh totally doing everything possible to let me know my role was as important as his.
I work part time now and it feels equal. Plus I can, should the need ever arise, support myself and my kids.

Original poster
Mummyusername · 21/01/2015 14:23

Eelizaveta I think the reason why u don't have to feel guilty is because sahming is something you two would have chosen for the kids benefit. It just works out happily to your advantage (same way woman breastfeeding doing all the night feeds is doing it for the childs benefit; the husband just happens to benefit too)

OP posts:
confused79 · 21/01/2015 14:25

I have a son at nursery and a toddler aged 18 months, and I feel it is the life of Riley, and that's before at least one of them is at school all day! But than that might be because I'm one of the sad acts that really enjoyed housework, organisation etc... Even so, that probably takes a morning and then the rest of the day is playing with the kids or going for walks.
I won't be a SAHM when they're both at school, I couldn't stand it. And that's coming from someone who has plenty of hobbies, a very active social life etc...

wobblyweebles · 21/01/2015 14:27

kaykayred - if you're 30 then now is the time to buy life insurance while it's cheap. I bought my policy at 31.

ProveMeWrong · 21/01/2015 14:28

I've done both FT amd SAHM, and at the moment I'm at home with a three year old who goes to nursery in the mornings. In that time in the morning I tend to do the housework, shopping and some independent study. I find this so pleasurable compared to having a toddler following me round while I try to get the jobs done on the weekend as I used to have to do. We had a cleaner, a dishwasher and a tumble dryer then that did make life easier, but I think the best thing now is that our evenings and weekends are completely our own to do what we want. My husband says he prefers me to be at home so we don't have to juggle childcare any more and lifts to and from the childminder,he comes home for lunch every day and we have a proper hot meal that I can take 20 mins to prepare and he can just come in and eat. This has massively improved his quality of life too. We seem to have so much more time together. I used to have to spend one evening food shopping, one evening at a language class, one evening at the gym etc, whereas now I can get all that kind of stuff for me and the toddler done in the day. Much nicer life for us anyway!

magicpixie · 21/01/2015 14:35

I think you have to v smart and work hard to get yourself into that position

so if you can mange it, enjoy it

iammargesimpson · 21/01/2015 14:38

Haven't read the whole thread but for me being a sahm to two primary school kids is just bloody brilliant!! I get all the housework done by about half ten and then my day is free, I go to zumba, go for walks, call over to see neighbours, potter about the house, call to my mum, for me every day is different as I make sure I have some sort of structure to it, eg zumba on a Monday, followed by calling to my mum or something.

I sit down around 3pm with an instant latte, boys get home around 3.20 and then time just flies getting homework, etc done. I do my damnedest not to get trapped in daytime tele mode as I would never shift off the couch (I am a lazy bugger really). Big shop is done once a fortnight and I meal plan and batch cook. Dh works shift work so it makes sense for me to be a sahm at the mo, although I am looking for part time work as money is really, really tight and my car is about to die.

I've done part time work, full time work and fan my own business over the last few years and have to say, I am thoroughly enjoying my year off!