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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think being sahm to 2 primary aged kids is the life of Reilly?

418 replies

Mummyusername · 21/01/2015 11:41

Just that really. My youngest will start school soon and Im imagining having the perfect combo of me time and then kids' hubbub after school.
Just wondering if I'm missing something though as when working I imagined having way more time on my hands when at home than I actually seem to have?

OP posts:
Stinkle · 21/01/2015 12:15

I think you end up filling up your time with other stuff instead.

I'm a SAHM to school aged children (1 secondary, 1 primary) and I don't have any more time now than I did when I worked full time. I volunteer 1 morning a week at our local food bank, I volunteer 1 morning and 1 afternoon at my DD's primary school, we're foster carers (which is why I don't work) and we have a dog that needs a good 2 hour walk a day, I'm making costumes for a school production at the moment, add in housework, food shopping, cooking dinner and refereeing homework, and my day whizzes by.

I don't want to spend all weekend doing housework and nagging kids to tidy their rooms, so apart from bunging a couple of wash loads on and cooking and loading the dishwasher, I like to keep on top of chores and stuff during the week so weekends are free to do fun stuff

Greenfizzywater · 21/01/2015 12:16

Micah I do most of those things and work as well.

Almostfifty · 21/01/2015 12:18

I soon got fed up of cleaning and tidying, felt guilty about not doing anything so started doing voluntary work.

I love it, and am still doing it, and none of mine are at school any more.

Stinkle · 21/01/2015 12:18

Posted too soon, but meant to add

Yes, I'm busy but it's all stuff that I enjoy and is entirely my choice. I can fart about to my hearts content.

Original poster
Mummyusername · 21/01/2015 12:19

I don't understand this aversion to doing pa type tasks for ones husband Fred. The husband is meant to be someone u love and therefore want them to have a nice life no? It just is logical that the person at home will have more time to the wife workly things, not some statement of inferiority.

OP posts:
fredfredsausagehead1 · 21/01/2015 12:22

It's a life of Reilly for you do Ndola kids not to have to worry if kids are ill, have forgotten their pe kit, if it's a snow day, I set day, to worry who will take kids to activity after school or have meals ready, it's great you are at everyone's beck and call, it's good you do not have to depend on or pay others to help you... however

It is Not easy though is it because you lose parts or your identity and you get bored and lonely and then you get some tit on mums net saying you're lazy and they do everything you do and more with no help at all paid or otherwise

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 21/01/2015 12:25

I'm a SAHM. To one primary aged child and one two year old in nursery one morning a week. Plus she goes to the gym crèche 2x a week whilst I work out.

It's a bloody good life, I'm not going to deny that. My fitness is best ever and I feel so on top of admin and housework elc. Weekends are generally just chilling, as my DH works very ling hours.

Very busy pre drop off and after 3ish, but the bit in between is easy and pleasant. My youngest gaps for two hours, when I do housework and chill out. I have a cleaner for five hours once a fortnight, but still a lot to do obviously.

I'm wondering what it's going to be like when the youngest is at school too. All that free time I will have!

Original poster
Mummyusername · 21/01/2015 12:27

Don't know what type of super sleuthing you're at arsenic. Not very soon obviously as its January but soon enough!

OP posts:
HiImBarryScott · 21/01/2015 12:28

Sounds like bliss to me.

I wish we didn't need the money my job brings in, but that's life init and we're better off than most folks.

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 21/01/2015 12:29

Have absolutely no problem doing my DH's admin tasks. I'm at home, he's flat out at work. I love him, very much, and went to make his life easier so, when it comes to the weekend we can chill out as family.

PlumpingUpPartridge · 21/01/2015 12:29

the person at home will have more time to the wife workly things

Wife workly things? Hmm

To quote a Terry Pratchett book: "There's no such thing as women's work once the children are on solids."

Wrt your op: yes, I think being a sahm to primary school-aged dc probably is pretty nice! I'm aiming to work reduced hours when my dc are both at school as it will be easier all round. Damned if I'm going to check DH's train times though, as I know his response if I asked him to do the same for me would be "Oh, have your hands stopped working?" I'm a co-parent and living companion, not a PA.

DamsonInDistress · 21/01/2015 12:31

You might just be one of the two Micah, doesn't have to be both...

fredfredgeorgejnr · 21/01/2015 12:32

mummyusername Nothing wrong with doing things - but Micah was complaining that she had insufficient time to do them and they were expected, rather than optional and just part of the general business of getting through life. That's the distinction.

betweenmarchandmay · 21/01/2015 12:34

I will risk the wrath of mumsnet and admit I find being a SAHM a piece of piss Grin

DarylDixonsDarlin · 21/01/2015 12:34

Basically yeah! the SAHMs I know of school aged children with no additional needs are having a bloody whale of a time. Lunches, coffee, gym, swimming, shopping, going into school an hour a week to help with reading etc etc.

Annoyingly my youngest of 3 wont start school until 2017, when my eldest also starts senior school, meaning extra school runs and no doubt extra effort on my part with settling them all for at least the first term. Hopefully I can get a taste of the life of luxury for a couple of terms, before I'll need to start working again Hmm. We've planned to decorate the house again that year though, so I don't expect it will be particularly luxurious. Something to look forward to while I decide what to do with the rest of my life Smile

NancyRaygun · 21/01/2015 12:35

I now have one at primary and one at preschool for 15 hours a week. I have been a SAHM for 5 years with my 2. It is fucking BLISS.

Stinkle · 21/01/2015 12:35

I don't mind doing PA type stuff for DH either. He worked from home for years while I was out full time, he did his fair share of picking up my dry cleaning, booking stuff, running to the post office type stuff for me then, I do it for him now.

however · 21/01/2015 12:38
Wibblypiglikesbananas · 21/01/2015 12:38

YANBU. I'm currently a SAHM to a 3yo and a 1yo. I can't wait for the primary school years! It'll be bliss compared with now Smile

FamilyAdventure · 21/01/2015 12:40

It's really not hard work there's no way anyone can claim that. All families will have a differing routines re the amount of housework and support of one's DH that goes on but no-one could claim it's anything like as hard as doing all (or some of) that and having a job (I've tried it both ways)

The hard part for me is finding a sense of purpose. There are plenty of ways to fill the time, volunteering, exercise, housework, hobbies, garden or house projects, but after a while it all seems a bit pointless - no-one would notice if you didn't do it. And your friends either start drifting back to work, or you find that actually all you had in common was pre-school children.

Original poster
Mummyusername · 21/01/2015 12:40

That's a problem though daryl. I don't think I would find it easy to spend money on coffees (or more probably hobby classes for me) while my husbands working.

OP posts:
GoldfishSpy · 21/01/2015 12:42

I am on Maternity leave with a 5 month old. Have twins who have just started school.

It is like being on holiday. Even with a baby at home. We have no cleaner or childcare help and every day feels like a day off. I guess it is because normally I have to fit all the housework etc in and also work out of the house 8am - 6pm.

Sadly I have to go back to work soon :(

SoupDragon · 21/01/2015 12:43

DamsonInDistress, that was a really bitchy thing to say.

LennyCrabsticks · 21/01/2015 12:43

I was briefly in that position and it was BLISS.

I am about to drop down to three days a week and although I'll have a toddler at home I am SO EXCITED about all the 'free' time I'll have to do things like shopping and proper cleaning and gardening and stuff, all the things that get squeezed in around our current full time jobs.

popcornpaws · 21/01/2015 12:43

Being a sahm to a child at the academy is so much better, no school runs etc, i loved it.
I hate routine and being able to do what i wanted when i wanted was great!
She is now at uni and i work 20hrs a week as i would hate to work full time because i need time to myself to do as i please!