To ask what the hell is up with people judging children's names?!

[WonderingWillow]

Just that, really. When my DS was born, we gave him a classic first name and a middle name we really loved but was a little more unusual.

My parents came to meet DS, and when they asked his name, my mum sniggered and barely covered her laugh, and said "well, we like the FIRST name, but NOT the middle name!!" And my dad just sat there sneering.
When we saw them just before Christmas, my mum said over a cup of tea "so is his middle name still X? God, did you actually put it on the birth certificate?!" He is 4 now!

Also, I've a friend whose second daughter has a really lovely, but unusual name. It sounds gorgeous, but she had family actually say to her "please don't call your DD that name" when she was PREGNANT.

what the hell? I would never have the bare faced cheek to say that to anyone, and would expect to be given a damn good ignoring for a while!

What gives people the right? Why are people so rude? AIBU to think that if you don't like a baby's name when the parent tells you, you nod and smile and compliment the new parent on their choice anyway and then keep your opinions to yourself?

Oh yeah?

Oh, I can't help judging sometimes. A regular customer at my old work had a child called 'Chaos' for God's sake. I don't think you should ever say anything. I remember telling both my mum and mil the boy name and girl name we'd chosen and both said "well I like the girl name". It turned out to be a boy and my mum tried to talk me into changing it when I rang after the 20 week scan even though I'd just told her there were (unfounded) concerns about DS1's brain development. Bitch.

Bullying is ALWAYS the fault of bullies, yes. But it's not just about feeding ammunition to bullies, these children will be adults one day and will want to be taken seriously, but if they have a comedy name then the first impression that will be left will be one of them getting laughed at. Parents of 'unusual' named children must know this and are inflicting that kind of cruelty onto a person just to satisfy their own vanity.

I also know a teacher who taught a boy called Ryangiggs. One word, first name. Someone try reason with me on why that is OK.

And if you are pregnant I would strongly advise keeping names to yourself. Sharing them is inviting opinion and people are far more likely to pass judgement when there isn't a tiny baby right in front of them.

I also don't believe the Chlamydia and Malaria stories

daphne
Lois is a lovely name, I know 2, one is almost 30 the other is 4. Both lovely girls.
I really, really like the name

YY Lois is a lovely name! And Lois from Family Guy rocks, I don't get what would be weird about her sharing tht name

Not sure what "mullered" means.

A colleague's grandson was recently named Jett. I was very proud of not saying what I was thinking when she told me that.

People can bang on about bullying, CVs, high court judges as much as they like but it comes down to sneering and snobbery.

The fact that you get educated, intelligent women saying things like 'I can always tell if a child is going to be a PITA from the class list at the beginning of term, I am never wrong' AND people nod and go along with it is astounding

I agree...

I have dts's and according to the "NM" guidelines I have one ds in the acceptable pile and one ds in the unacceptable pile!

I'm clearly a confused fence sitter.

My mum was told I'd be bullied with my name, of course I never actually was, I was only ever complimented (and continue to be) on it. I also knew a Coco (female) at college and no-one noticed, it was just her name, it only just dawned on me that it was an unusual name seeing it mentioned on here. Luckily most people are mature enough to not snigger at other people's names!

I am currently pregnant.
I have the same problem. The name we love is commented on negatively by DPs family. So we aren't telling anyone it anymore. It's still our favourite and probably what we will go for if it is a girl x
Stuff them :)

The fact that you get educated, intelligent women saying things like 'I can always tell if a child is going to be a PITA from the class list at the beginning of term, I am never wrong' AND people nod and go along with it is astounding

I used to know a teacher who would add on to that statement words along the lines of "right from the very start I know I need to come down on them like a ton of bricks,so I do" I often wonder how many of the issues with the children she taught she caused with her attitude.

Thankfully she no longer teaches

The nonsense name trend is an act of pure selfishness. Unfortunately, the world is a judgmental place; saddling your child with a ridiculous name is supremely short-sighted and self-indulgent.

If you've ever had to recruit people, you will know that snap judgments are made as soon as you see the applicant's CV. It may not be very nice, but it's a fact (and statistically supported) that people's recruitment chances are impacted by their name. Surely, good parenting is facilitating the maximum number of life-choices available to your offspring. Cursing them with a 'sleb/white-trash/chavy etc etc name will only serve to limit their options.

I have appointed loads of people over the years and invariably go for the person I think will do the job best because it is in my best interests to do so.
If somebody really does hate their name, they can easily change it.

Being the bearer of an unusual name myself, I do often wonder what possesses people to give their offspring a name that will lead to raised eyebrows.

I've put up with questions and jokes about my name for over 40 years. My first name is French (I'm not) and very few people can spell it. Team that with a highly unusual comedy surname and it made my life hell at school.

I actually like my name and in my professional life its makes me very memorable. But I never want to go through the bullying and name calling it caused particularly at Secondary school ever again and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

But the issue is surely that what raises eyebrows varies wildly from place to place, culture to culture, social class to social class, ethnic group to ethnic group?

Should an African immigrant to the UK not call her child Precious in case he moves out of London to somewhere where that might raise eyebrows?

Should an Irish parent not call their daughter Aoife in case she might emigrate to the UK and people not be able to pronounce it?

Who gets to decide what is 'normal' enough to pass?

For what it's worth, I have been on more academic appointment committees than I can count, and candidates' names have absolutely never come on the radar as an issue. Certainly no one is taking an equivalently-qualified unusually-named candidate less seriously than Emma NormalName.

I wouldn't judge a name if its unusual but real, however, i do judge made-up and meaningless names. Or when people hear a word from a foreign language they don't know but decide it could be a nice name. Basically thats the same as making your child carry a poster "my parents are twats"

The nonsense name trend is an act of pure selfishness. Unfortunately, the world is a judgmental place; saddling your child with a ridiculous name is supremely short-sighted and self-indulgent

Who gets to decide if its a nonsense name or not? You? Me? My mother?

If you've ever had to recruit people, you will know that snap judgments are made as soon as you see the applicant's CV. It may not be very nice, but it's a fact (and statistically supported) that people's recruitment chances are impacted by their name. Surely, good parenting is facilitating the maximum number of life-choices available to your offspring. Cursing them with a 'sleb/white-trash/chavy etc etc name will only serve to limit their options

I do recruit people and every candidate gets a number anything that identifies them inc name is removed until interview offer has been decided on

I wouldn't judge a name if its unusual but real, however, i do judge made-up and meaningless names.

But again, who decides? I'd be surprised and interested to meet a white, upper-middle class English Precious or Goodluck, but those are perfectly 'real' names elsewhere.

(I already mentioned this on another post, but...)

I'm in the US, where people are more creative with names anyway. Which can be lovely, and can also be sometimes, well, not very well thought out.

We went on a tour of the hospital we'll be giving birth at recently, and someone asked the midwives and nurses what the strangest name they'd heard was. The nurses told us there was a family where the tradition was to name the child after the thing the mother had been craving during pregnancy. So one little cousin was called Kiwi, one called Pineapple. But one had the first name "Chicken" and the second name "Cupcake."

The nurse giving us the tour did admit that she would try and persuade parents to rethink particularly terrible names, or names that sounded like a swear word when pronounced in English. Maybe she was being rude. Then again, maybe little Chicken Cupcake wishes his parents had listened to reason...

also I should add -- if our baby is a girl we will be giving her the name of my DH's much loved grandmother. It's a very old fashioned German name, and I'm already prepared for some criticism from my family and our friends. (Actually the only person I've told so far was already about it) But I figure you never know when these old fashioned names are going to come back into fashion, plus there's something lovely about having a name that has a personal and interesting story attached to it.

missmorse I would judge that I'm afraid. Chicken Cupcake?.

I'm glad I chose the name I did for DS, I don't think he would have suited "Spicybeef Monstermunch"

Yup. We've been joking that our baby will have to be called Donuts.

Of course people will judge names. They just will! Names are part of a cultural tradition and will have to stay with a person for the rest of their life. Or until they are old enough to change it. In some countries (like Portugal) you have to choose a name from a (very long) list. You can't just call your child "drain pipe" or whatever.

Some popular names in certain countries would sound ridiculous in the UK. "Jesus" is a very common Spanish name. "Sakura" (cherry blossom) is a very popular Japanese name. Jesus, I've known Greek people called "Aphrodite" and "Adonis" and no-one has even raised an eyebrow.

My pet hate is when people deliberately misspell names out of some preconceived notion of originality. Or ignorance. It's. Just. Stupid.

I know a child named after a number, and another after a colour. Okay then.

I think a lot of parents have very boring names themselves (or at least think they do) and so want to live through their child. As someone who has grown up with a name that does actually exist as a name, but has never been in the most popular 1000 names in the UK, I can tell you that it's a pain in the arse. No-one can pronounce it. No-one can spell it. You end up laden with ridiculous nicknames or having to wince every time someone says it. There's always a look of utter panic on a person's face when you introduce yourself. I do like my name, but even I have days where I long for a name that I don't have to repeat three times. That I have to spell every single time I phone up any company.

There is quite a big distinction between an unusual name, and a ridiculous one.

Would you not judge a set of parents who decided to name their daughter "Lolita"?

If you want to give your child a weird name then it's your choice. But expect to get flack for it.