To ask what the hell is up with people judging children's names?!

[WonderingWillow]

Just that, really. When my DS was born, we gave him a classic first name and a middle name we really loved but was a little more unusual.

My parents came to meet DS, and when they asked his name, my mum sniggered and barely covered her laugh, and said "well, we like the FIRST name, but NOT the middle name!!" And my dad just sat there sneering.
When we saw them just before Christmas, my mum said over a cup of tea "so is his middle name still X? God, did you actually put it on the birth certificate?!" He is 4 now!

Also, I've a friend whose second daughter has a really lovely, but unusual name. It sounds gorgeous, but she had family actually say to her "please don't call your DD that name" when she was PREGNANT.

what the hell? I would never have the bare faced cheek to say that to anyone, and would expect to be given a damn good ignoring for a while!

What gives people the right? Why are people so rude? AIBU to think that if you don't like a baby's name when the parent tells you, you nod and smile and compliment the new parent on their choice anyway and then keep your opinions to yourself?

I get judgy when parents don't seem to have done research on names, eg saw a set of brothers called William and Liam, I did wonder whether if they had a third boy they'd call him Billy. A woman I know did not know that Harry comes from Henry, she thought it derived from Harold - a common misconception I guess but you'd think if you were calling your baby a name you might have a quick flick through the book to see what it means.

Spike is another of my bugbears. It was a nickname given (usually in the army) to someone tall and thin, in a similar vein to getting called Lofty if you were very tall. Spike Milligan (real name Terry) was nicknamed thus as he was 6'2" and 9 stone when he was in the army! So I therefore at round fat little babies being named Spike. To me it is the equivalent (as someone has mentioned upthread) of calling a child Hercules when you have no idea whether he is going to be a muscle-bound rugby player type or not.

Now that I know some people think Lucifer is a lovely name for a little boy, I live in hope of meeting boy triplets called Lucifer, Mephistopheles and Beelzebub.

Adults can be terrible about name snobbery. My younger brother goes by a name that aunts, uncles and grandparents in the extended family have a difficulty stomaching. Some people flat out refuse to call him by his name; others make a catsbumface as though their lips struggle to form the syllables. Even now that he is 15 I still fend comments like "your grandmother thinks your brother needs a proper name for a boy".

His name is Benjamin. (The objections are to him going by Benji or Benjamin rather than Ben.)

My mother once found out the name her friend had given to her new daughter (Candace) and once away from her friend in the security of her car ripped into the name so much ("it sounds like canned-ass!") that I created a naming rule to never use a name that had the sound "as" in it.

De-lurking to say daphne Congratulations on the impending birth! Lois is a really lovely name, please go for it! At risk of outing myself, I am probably more than a little biased as its my name in RL . I hated my name as a teen, as I had constant 'Lois-lane' comments from people with little imagination . I have had ONE family guy comment & met ONE other person at university, with the same name. I always get lots of compliments, but like you say - not too unusual & off the wall, but less heard of.

Chardonnay isn't a region of France. It's a grape so the comparison to Florence doesn't work. It's the equivalent of calling your child Granny Smith or Braeburn.

I'm afraid I'd need to see a birth certificate before I believed in a baby called Chlamydia.

Equally OP you aren't being unreasonable. People should shut up generally unless they can add something the parents may not have thought off ie initials, names of siblings not being ideal ie Sam & Ella etc or Georgia and Marnie

Chardonnay is the name of a town in France as well as a cépage.

songbird thank you for your message it has quite genuinely made me feel better about the name!

I know a girl called Lois and she's really lovely, a very pretty, smiley girl. I don't know if she has ever had any remarks about Lois Lane/Griffin. I should ask her. You're entirely right though. It's just people with little imagination who feel the need to comment. I need to stop caring about what other people say/think!

I haven't and will never forgive my DM for her reaction to DS1's name. We call him by a shortened version, but used the longer version on his birth cert so he has the option to use his 'Sunday name' when he gets older if she wishes. DM likes the short version but was horrified and incredibly rude about the long version, reducing me to tears and telling me how horrible it is. She still says how awful it is (he's 9 now) and intentionally sends his cards in the post with his full name spelled out just to take the piss.

She was so horrible, I didn't even tell her what middle name we gave to DS2. How bad is that, not knowing your grandson's actual full name? But I knew she wouldn't like it and couldn't face an argument when vulnerable after giving birth again. I'm sure when DS2 gets older he will let the cat out of the bag but I don't care now.

My friend called her DD Caoimhe, and the piss taking reactions from her family and our other friends have been disgusting. Calling her 'Quaver' and other 'hilarious' names, moaning about how to spell it... has made me see a few people in a different light. What business is it of theirs anyway?

'I'm afraid I'd need to see a birth certificate before I believed in a baby called Chlamydia.'

It appears to be an urban legend, a number of blogs retelling the tale but no verifiable sources.
I have taught children called Animul and Noman, which sound odd to the English ear.

Oh, and I know two people called Ptolemy! One is now 35 and an academic, his name really suits him but he got picked on through school. The other is 5 or 6 (and I don't think anyone has ever passed much comment to him or his parents about his name).

I had a friend in college called Tolly, we didn't find out his real name for years.

Lois is a great name. I love it!

thesprk are you my brother's dp?

I think everybody judges a name. When you apply for a job the firm will see your name and has a pre- conceived idea of you. Hopefully they will be enlightned enough to judge for the person you are rather than just your name but you cannot get away from the fact they will have have some opnion of you before they even meet you.
To give you an example, we have a boy with a very common scandinavian name in school and the first time I did the register I was looking around the room for this blond haired child and chuckled to myself when he turned out to be almost the opposite. My LSA did the same as we mentioned it afterwards. In this case, there were no negative connotations but anybody who says you don't get judged on your name is just naive.

The thing is, especially when the kids are young, the name says less about them and everything about parents and expectations. Those then get passed onto the kid who often lives up (or, when it is the kind of name where people get judgey, more likely down) to it.

This is why they've done studies with teachers and given them just lists of kids and no other details and the teachers rather reliably pick out who are the brain boxes and with far more accuracy who are the troublemakers. This is worrying as of course teachers do this with their own classes and are likely subconsciously picking out kids as trouble makers and possibly reacting disproportionately.

It's quite human nature.

That said, personally I think middle names are the chance to use a quirky or unusual name if you want to do so. And anyone who goes to the lengths people have described on here to ridicule middle names or Sunday names have other issues than disliking a name! That's just cruel.

I'm guilty of judging myself, I just have the civility to keep my mouth shut to parents. In my town, there are two Anakins. Since they're both in the same year, one is called Anakin James. There is an unofficial sweepstake as to the point he declares his name is A.J. or just James. In both cases when the names were announced, knowing the mothers there was little surprise. "That poor kid" was being announced as soon as the pregnancy was declared.

QuickSilverFairy: Elisheva is typically a name given by Jewish parents. They are unlikely to be ultra-Orthodox (where names are more often things like Mindy, Shushi, Chaim (ch as in Loch), Moshe, Yaakov). Instead, they are likely to be quite committed to their Judaism, and have chosen a name that is used from time to time in Israel. I think it's a lovely name!

One thing hasn't been said on this thread yet, so far as I can see: the connotations of a name change dramatically over time. When I was growing up in the North West in the 70s, Alfie and Lily were grandparents' names. They were considered outdated. Now they're quite frequent.

Similarly, only Anglicized Hebrew names were used in the majority of the Jewish community: David, Rachel, Ben, etc. Names like Asher, Elisheva, Noam, etc were very rare and considered outre. Now, such names are heard much more frequently, although still less popular than the Anglicized versions.

So I'm not completely convinced by this notion of a lifelong challenge posed by every unusual name. It can happen, but it's not inevitable.

I'm still waiting for the first registered Special Little Snowflake.

And of course it's rude to comment negatively or mock someone's name.

OP, I understand what you mean about people offering their view about a name when they haven't specifically been asked for it.

But what exactly is the correct response to being told a name you think is ridiculous or that has connotations the parents may not have considered?

Do you just smile and say "Oh really?" and leave the parent wondering what you really think, or "How lovely!" when you mean nothing of the sort.

What would your reaction be in that situation?

AllMimsy

And yy to Home. I knew an Elisheva with exactly that background - I think it's a lovely name. Isn't it the root of Elizabeth?