"medium" friend "spoke" with my dead DH

[reallyupsetwithF]

Namechanged so if am recognised it isn't stuck to my usual name.

My DH died late last year.
I met my friend who I work with a year ago. She is a nice enough women but she does believe she is a medium. She offers card readings and ghost hunting tours to everyone and I am aware that some people have taken her up on the offer. (She does charge for these)

I don't believe in mediums, psychics or anything like that really. I don't mention my beliefs around her I just smile and nod or change the subject when she brings it up. Mostly because I don't want to get into a big thing about beliefs and have to debate about it mostly because nothing that she would tell me would change mind.

Since my DH died there was a Christmas party at work (which I didn't go to) where apparently some colleagues asked her to talk to my DH to make me feel better. She said that she couldn't just do it on tap and the spirits came to her (which she has said before including the first day I met her when she first said she was a medium)

I saw her today and she said she had something to tell me in private. So we met up briefly in the backroom at work and she said that she had a message last night and she thinks it is for me from DH. I said I was sorry but I didn't want to talk about it. I then left the room. Every time she saw me in work she kept asking me to listen as she thinks this is her gift and it is her duty to tell me. Other people were also telling me to listen to her in case I regret it.

In the end I said fine just tell me quickly. She told me that he said he was in a better place, not to worry, he was watching over us and misses us. She then used a nickname that DH used to use for me when we started going out (pretty sure I have told her that before but she acted like it was new information he had told her) I told her to stop now as it was upsetting me. I also told her that I would rather she didn't do this to me again. She said what if DH wants to pass a message to me again.

Now I was really annoyed at this point so I told her that my DH knew I didn't believe in mediums so I doubt he would try to contact me through her as he would know that I wouldn't believe her. She said that she was telling the truth. I said that if she was telling the truth why didn't she use her gift to find missing children rather than charging people to look at old houses and coloured cards. (Bad I know but I was upset and fed up)

Obviously she was upset, she went around crying to everyone about me being mean to her.

Now a part of me does feel bad as she can be quite nice and she may even believe to some extent that she is a medium. But a bigger part of me is annoyed A. That she kept pushing and B. That she used DH like that.

So was she unreasonable for trying to make me listen. Or am I just the unreasonable bitch who should have been more understanding or just let her get on with it and ignored her.

[OhShittingHenry]

Mental illness manifests itself in a zillion ways. This woman may indeed have a mental illness. There is no way on earth Joan saying that should upset any other person with a mental illness. For reference I do and I am not. I bloody loved Joan Hickson though

[LucyBabs]

so very sorry for your loss x
I believe in mediums however this person in your job does not sound genuine. More than likely she enjoys the sound of her own voice. Definitely report to HR. She sounds dangerous

[Viviennemary]

YANBU. Have no more to do with this charlatan. She is massively out of order. How dare she come with her nonsense.

[IceBeing]

YANBU at all. That is terrible behaviour from not one but several colleagues.

I would definitely have a word with your line manager/HR about your right to work without someone following you around trying to tell you made up messages from your DH.

It is really truly awful behaviour.

[Ohwhatfuckeryisthis]

She and your other colleagues were way out of line. How dare she? I also would be going to hr, (I'd prefer to slap her silly) (And giving a Look to those egging her on)

[clarinsgirl]

YANBU. This woman and your colleagues have behaved appallingly. I feel very angry on your behalf. This woman is clearly not able to interpret messages from the living let alone the 'spirit world'. Sadly there's little you can do about such ignorance and insensitivity.

[IceBeing]

[GraysAnalogy]

I don't condone violence but my word OP I do not know how you didn't deck her.

[cozietoesie]

Go to HR - imagine if she exerted pressure on someone who was extremely impressionable or vulnerable......

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

Self obsessed bitch

(Her, clearly, not you!)

She complained about her feelings?!?!?!? I think she should remember who's the recently bereaved widow in this situation.

One of my sisters 'friends' contacted me a year or so after her death. She has herself down as some kind of 'Christian seer' which I find repugnant as she pretends she's somehow morally superior as well, a better Christian than others, claiming to be closer to God as she's more blessed to receive these 'visions from God'.

Anyway, she decided to contact me out of the blue and share her lies and delusions, including her imaginary death scene, in hospital with family surrounding her in lovely pastel colours etc etc etc. imagine how I felt reading that disgusting drivel, especially as my sister died alone, in our parents house, and my dad had to break down the door to try and resuscitate her. Hope she got a kick out of torturing me, suck bitch. Sorry, it's my sisters birthday today.

People like that deserve no sympathy, no compassion, no understanding.

[AntiHop]

Definitely yanbu. I'd consider talking to HR. She had no right to hassle you like that. Also mediums and the like are hokum.

[GlitteryLipgloss]

YANBU and I would seriously consider speaking to HR.

Sorry for your loss. I hope that stupid woman hasn't upset you too much

Some people don't have brains!

[Reekypear]

She has violated your grief, and presumed to put herself in between you and your husband. If I believed those passed on could communicate, wtf would they not talk directly to loved ones.

[Reekypear]

Why there is a wtf In my sentence I don't know.

[ExitPursuedByABear]

Good grief what a frightful woman.

And your other colleagues don't sound much better.

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

Terrible behaviour. I am sorry your colleague pushed & upset you like that .

I see absolutely no harm in people visiting mediums if it helps them in some way to do so. I myself am completely on the fence as to whether it is a 'real' thing or not, as I have no proof either way.

However, IMHO, such 'messages' should remain unspoken - unless requested by the recipient.

[cozietoesie]

Many people enjoy drama, Exit - it 'livens things up'.

[GallicIsCharlie]

YANBU! I'm another one who was ready to punch this woman before I'd got halfway through your post! I'm so very sorry you went through this, and impressed by your dignity in the face of utter egotistical fuckwittery.

Other people were also telling me to listen to her in case I regret it. What the actual fuck

I'm leaning slightly towards a chat with HR about it, too. You've been subject to a campaign of emotional manipulation, which could have been quite devastating if you were less of a together person.

[wowfudge]

It's not like she didn't tell you anything anyone could have just made up. YADNBU - as others have said, she is totally self obsessed. Report her to HR and tell her to stay away from you.

[Flowerfae]

very unreasonable, she really shouldn't of done that. She was unreasonable mentioning it to you anyway but to chase after you like that after you said no is terrible

[LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett]

I have an acquaintance who is a medium. (I don't believe in mediums). She would never, never do this. The message is for those who ask for it, in her view.

I really think you must report her to hr. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[cozietoesie]

...You've been subject to a campaign of emotional manipulation, which could have been quite devastating if you were less of a together person....

Yes. It's a fairly short step from this sort of thing to trying to influence people's actions. She needs to be stopped in her tracks.

[QuintlessShadows]

I think it would classify as bullying

[reallyupsetwithF]

I told my supervisor straightaway mostly because I wanted to get my version of the story in before hers.

She can be really nice but I have also seen her lie about a few things like saying she has to collect a poorly child but putting something else on Facebook. Or saying she will stay to do something then saying she can't be bothered as she is tired ten minutes later. So I don't really know if she is just a lair or an attention seeker or if she does believe that she is helping in some way or she may even believe that she hears voices as she claims to do.