"medium" friend "spoke" with my dead DH

[reallyupsetwithF]

Namechanged so if am recognised it isn't stuck to my usual name.

My DH died late last year.
I met my friend who I work with a year ago. She is a nice enough women but she does believe she is a medium. She offers card readings and ghost hunting tours to everyone and I am aware that some people have taken her up on the offer. (She does charge for these)

I don't believe in mediums, psychics or anything like that really. I don't mention my beliefs around her I just smile and nod or change the subject when she brings it up. Mostly because I don't want to get into a big thing about beliefs and have to debate about it mostly because nothing that she would tell me would change mind.

Since my DH died there was a Christmas party at work (which I didn't go to) where apparently some colleagues asked her to talk to my DH to make me feel better. She said that she couldn't just do it on tap and the spirits came to her (which she has said before including the first day I met her when she first said she was a medium)

I saw her today and she said she had something to tell me in private. So we met up briefly in the backroom at work and she said that she had a message last night and she thinks it is for me from DH. I said I was sorry but I didn't want to talk about it. I then left the room. Every time she saw me in work she kept asking me to listen as she thinks this is her gift and it is her duty to tell me. Other people were also telling me to listen to her in case I regret it.

In the end I said fine just tell me quickly. She told me that he said he was in a better place, not to worry, he was watching over us and misses us. She then used a nickname that DH used to use for me when we started going out (pretty sure I have told her that before but she acted like it was new information he had told her) I told her to stop now as it was upsetting me. I also told her that I would rather she didn't do this to me again. She said what if DH wants to pass a message to me again.

Now I was really annoyed at this point so I told her that my DH knew I didn't believe in mediums so I doubt he would try to contact me through her as he would know that I wouldn't believe her. She said that she was telling the truth. I said that if she was telling the truth why didn't she use her gift to find missing children rather than charging people to look at old houses and coloured cards. (Bad I know but I was upset and fed up)

Obviously she was upset, she went around crying to everyone about me being mean to her.

Now a part of me does feel bad as she can be quite nice and she may even believe to some extent that she is a medium. But a bigger part of me is annoyed A. That she kept pushing and B. That she used DH like that.

So was she unreasonable for trying to make me listen. Or am I just the unreasonable bitch who should have been more understanding or just let her get on with it and ignored her.

[mytitiferssungtheirsong]

Nearas - I don't object to you disagreeing with me. I object to you calling me thick. Are you always so derogatory to people with different beliefs from yours?

[ElsieMc]

YANBU This is incredibly insensitive and all about me,me,me attention seeking as evidenced by her crying to her colleagues when you pointed out some uncomfortable truths.

For what its worth, a friend had something similar happen to her when a girl she disliked told her her recently deceased mother had "come through" to her at a spiritualist meeting. My friend responded that that was highly unlikely as her mother could not stand her in life, so would be unlikely to want to confide in death.

[Namechangeyetagaintohide]

Argh ! Believes*

[Namechangeyetagaintohide]

Believed*

[Namechangeyetagaintohide]

No one with any sense beloved in reiki or the like. They might have experienced the placebo effect but that's about it.

[BoredChurch]

I don't understand how anyone can believe in reiki and I really, really can't understand how anyone would pay to have a reiki treatment

[Nearasdammit]

I mean you can learn Reiki - actually become a MASTER - on the internet FFS! It's hilarious really! And people still believe in it!

[Nearasdammit]

Mytit - yes I'm sure you've felt better after Reiki. A nice lie down in the company of someone who listens to you and concentrates on you for half an hour is bound to be relaxing.

But think for a moment. How likely is it - really - that someone waving their hands over you, not even touching you, is going to have any real effect on any health condition. Think about it logically just for a moment.

If there was anything in it - if waving hands in the right way could really have an effect on anything - surely we'd all be accidentally performing Reiki all day every day?!

Imagine being on a crowded tube and reaching up for a hanging strap. Oops!! You just cured the athletes foot of the person next to you!!

[RandomNPC]

"Placebo effect: Also called the placebo response. A remarkable phenomenon in which a placebo a fake treatment, an inactive substance like sugar, distilled water, or saline solution can sometimes improve a patient's condition simply because the person has the expectation that it will be helpful."
HTH

[SolidGoldBrass]

What a revolting, attention seeking scammer this woman must be. All woo-peddlers are either con-artists, nutters or well-meaning idiots, and she's definitely not in the last category - the well-meaning idiots generally have enough basic decency (despite their silly delusions about their magic powers) to leave other people alone when it's clear that their nonsense is not welcome.

[bruffin]

I dont think not charging makes it anymore right. There is more than monetary gain. The feeling of being special and needed or being the centre of attention. Either way they are using other peoples misery and grief to feel good about themselves.

[mytitiferssungtheirsong]

I've experienced some positive benefits from reiki NEARAS, are you saying I'm thick. Always amazes me how it seems ok to come on to these types of threads and call those who believe in things of a spiritual nature thick, stupid, mentally ill and so on, really nasty IMO.

However, back to the OP, YADNBU. Gift or no gift, what this woman did was wrong and invasive!

[Nearasdammit]

God yes Reiki..... anyone thick enough to believe that having hands waved over them can heal anything almost deserves to lose money lol.

[seaoflove]

Weeeell, although one can't deny the body's natural healing processes, I reserve the right to deny that the healing process can be triggered or speeded up by someone waving their hands over you.

But that's a separate thread, really.

[MrsHathaway]

Ah come on... Harnessing the body's natural healing processes (which demonstrably exist) is less woo than harnessing water's memory of solutes (which demonstrably doesn't).

[expatinscotland]

Notice how the so-called message is never 'I'm so fucking scunnered I died! It sucks! I hate your new boyfriend, that you boxed up my stuff.' It's all the same shit, 'I'm in a better place. Don't worry about me. Go on with your life.'

No psychic ever knows the winning lottery numbers, or is able to stop acts of terror or murder or the like.

That's because they are full of shit.

I get people who tell me my daughter, who died age 9 in July, 2012, visited them in dreams.

I get visits by my ex boyfriends and husband from time to time, and old bosses, even houses I used to live in. Because dreams are just the brain doing a factory reset.

[mamaslatts]

The cynic in me thinks she was trying to gain some validation of her 'medium' status thus increasing her business. That's why she told all your colleagues first about this wonderful, personal message but told you this generic twaddle in private.

Very sorry about your loss and the crass behaviour of those around you. x

[seaoflove]

Exactly, Random!

[RandomNPC]

Reiki almost makes homeopathy seem sane and reasonable. It's the wooiest of woo.

[seaoflove]

Reiki a gift, when anyone can "learn" how to do it provided they pay for the courses? Hmm

[MrsHathaway]

I don't know, Near - I know two Reiki practitioners who won't charge (though they do charge for other complementary therapies) because they believe it a gift rather than a skill.

I may at woo, but I respect that position.

[Nearasdammit]

If "mediums" could actually do what they claim, with anything approaching evidence, I'd be all for them charging. Why not??

I suspect that the ones that don't charge at least feel a little shame at what they pretend to do and that not charging makes them feel a little better about it.

[IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes]

Ok I do readings, never have charged (I'm against people charging) and I have to say that the lady in question was fucking bang out of order. I would tell her that she needs to go away and revalue the quality of her 'gift' cos its shit big time and she has caused you upset.

Please don't let her push anymore 'messages' on you just shut her down and don't feel bad for doing it.

Big bug bear of mine is people think they can fix people's grief/loss with a bloody message from the otherside, anyone with bit of compassion-common sense knows it doesn't work like that.

[differentnameforthis]

Your other work colleagues encouraged her to contact your DH at Christmas like it was some sort of fucking party trick?

YY!! Like some cheap form of entertainment! Then to badger op into listening to this woman, to satisfy their curiosity!

Disgusting of all of them, imo!

[ScrambledEggAndToast]

YADNBU. Personally I do believe in it and my mum is a medium. However, my mum never approaches people and asks if they want readings as she thinks it should be their decision. This woman was totally out of order.