"medium" friend "spoke" with my dead DH

[reallyupsetwithF]

Namechanged so if am recognised it isn't stuck to my usual name.

My DH died late last year.
I met my friend who I work with a year ago. She is a nice enough women but she does believe she is a medium. She offers card readings and ghost hunting tours to everyone and I am aware that some people have taken her up on the offer. (She does charge for these)

I don't believe in mediums, psychics or anything like that really. I don't mention my beliefs around her I just smile and nod or change the subject when she brings it up. Mostly because I don't want to get into a big thing about beliefs and have to debate about it mostly because nothing that she would tell me would change mind.

Since my DH died there was a Christmas party at work (which I didn't go to) where apparently some colleagues asked her to talk to my DH to make me feel better. She said that she couldn't just do it on tap and the spirits came to her (which she has said before including the first day I met her when she first said she was a medium)

I saw her today and she said she had something to tell me in private. So we met up briefly in the backroom at work and she said that she had a message last night and she thinks it is for me from DH. I said I was sorry but I didn't want to talk about it. I then left the room. Every time she saw me in work she kept asking me to listen as she thinks this is her gift and it is her duty to tell me. Other people were also telling me to listen to her in case I regret it.

In the end I said fine just tell me quickly. She told me that he said he was in a better place, not to worry, he was watching over us and misses us. She then used a nickname that DH used to use for me when we started going out (pretty sure I have told her that before but she acted like it was new information he had told her) I told her to stop now as it was upsetting me. I also told her that I would rather she didn't do this to me again. She said what if DH wants to pass a message to me again.

Now I was really annoyed at this point so I told her that my DH knew I didn't believe in mediums so I doubt he would try to contact me through her as he would know that I wouldn't believe her. She said that she was telling the truth. I said that if she was telling the truth why didn't she use her gift to find missing children rather than charging people to look at old houses and coloured cards. (Bad I know but I was upset and fed up)

Obviously she was upset, she went around crying to everyone about me being mean to her.

Now a part of me does feel bad as she can be quite nice and she may even believe to some extent that she is a medium. But a bigger part of me is annoyed A. That she kept pushing and B. That she used DH like that.

So was she unreasonable for trying to make me listen. Or am I just the unreasonable bitch who should have been more understanding or just let her get on with it and ignored her.

[GraysAnalogy]

I really wish someone with some sense would have rail roaded her on your behalf. The horrible emotionally manipulative woman.

Fair enough, she believes in woo. That's up to her. But to force it upon someone as though she's doing you a favour, when you've lost someone so close to you. It's disgusting. I'm actually very angry.

[JoanHickson]

What did the supervisor do?

[reallyupsetwithF]

I am mostly upset that she tried to use DH in that way.
It also makes me angry that people like her are out there targeting people who have lost someone. If anyone did that to my DCs I would be fuming.

[JammyGem]

I think the " " would have been better used around 'friend'. What a horrible pushy woman. Regardless of whether she believes the shit she comes out with, she must know that she was being incredibly insensitive and upsetting.

YANBU.

[cozietoesie]

I'd be wanting to check that the supervisor had taken some action as well, Joan. It's all too easy to mouth platitudes and hope that it all goes away, especially if the person concerned might be in some way influential in the workplace.

[GraysAnalogy]

really what do you plan to do next, do you have to see her often?

I sent an angry email (after failing to get through on the phone) to a popular medium, rhymes with scally, because she told my pregnant friend she was going to lose her baby.

I fucking seethed.

[JoanHickson]

Op if she is ill she can't help it. If she is a psychopath she can't help it as she has no empathy.

You really need to stay away from people who hurt you and their followers. If you can get your supervisor to go with you to HR and get this gang some help.

[reallyupsetwithF]

The supervisor said she understood and called a manger over to have a word with friend. But because it was the end of my shift and I needed to get my DCs my supervisor said she would pass on what I said to her to hr and we will go through everything properly tomorrow when I get to work.

[GretnaGreen]

"Now I was really annoyed at this point so I told her that my DH knew I didn't believe in mediums so I doubt he would try to contact me through her as he would know that I wouldn't believe her. She said that she was telling the truth. I said that if she was telling the truth why didn't she use her gift to find missing children rather than charging people to look at old houses and coloured cards. (Bad I know but I was upset and fed up)"

Well said! You got a cheer from me and my DH for that. I like you think it's a load of rubbish. You did nothing wrong. I'm so sorry about your husband.

[cozietoesie]

Good. Ensure that it actauly happens though. (It might be bo bad thing to write things down this evening while it's still fresh in your mind.)

[cozietoesie]

*no

[Amethyst24]

Sounds like it's all being dealt with internally then, OP. YADNBU. Hope everything goes okay in the morning.

[JoanHickson]

That's good op. Hopefully you will be protected from coming into contact with this and be free to get on with what you are paid to do.

I hope the medium and followers are supported are stopped from doing this to others.

[reallyupsetwithF]

I do feel a bit bad because I feel like I have offended someone's religious beliefs which is something I am strongly against and whether she is lying or not some colleagues do believe her.
But at the same time I did tell her to leave me alone so in a way I think she needed to be gold that it's not okay. (Maybe not in those exact words but you get the idea)

[MorelliOrRanger]

Yanbu,

I do believe in spirits, however I think this woman was being very insensitive bearing on mind the timescale involved.

So sorry for your loss.

[GraysAnalogy]

No you haven't offended her beliefs at all, she forced hers on you at a time when you were feeling extremely vulnerable. That is completely and utterly excusable.

She probably wanted you fawning all over her and asking her for more. I'm so glad you didn't get sucked in - it's very easy to do so despite being a rational person because we all secretly wish for that message (or I do anyway)

Good for you OP on standing up to her.

[lavenderhoney]

I would go to your boss and your HR. At once. It's nothing to do with anyone except you- and you get to choose who supports you.

She sounds awful and your co workers sound incredibly ignorant.

Get your cv together, a move might suit you.

[cozietoesie]

You haven't offended anyone - and if colleagues do believe her, the sooner she's stopped the better. Imagine if she tried this sort of thing on - say - a young, vulnerable colleague who had just lost a child or a parent. It doesn't bear thinking about.

[crazypenguin]

Do NOT feel bad. She invaded your grief. She is a parasite. Hopefully HR will deal with it and it will no longer be a problem.
(Lost DP. Got a so called "message" from him. Fucked me up for weeks. They are delusional at best. At worst they are criminals.)

[Ohfourfoxache]

The idea with beliefs is that they should never be forced onto someone else. And these definitely were forced.

Please, please do not worry for a moment about "offending" this woman - she was completely out of order to say what she did. Some people believe, some don't - it's the same as any belief or religion, and some people believe parts and some people don't believe at all. But that does not make it ok for her to force her beliefs down your throat when you specifically asked her not to x

[ChasedByBees]

What a horrible woman. She really was desperatè to make your grief all about her wasn't she?

[TinLizzie]

I'm on the fence with whether these people have some ability that the majority of us don't, but regardless, she is the lowest of the low for pushing this on you.

Assuming that she does have some ability (just supposing here), then she would be using it wisely and not tormenting someone who neither believes or wants to hear such piffle. I don't think someone so pathetic would be granted such insight, quite honestly.

I'm sorry for your loss.

[Solo]

Maybe she is a medium, but she had no right to do what she did to you.

YANBU!

Sorry for your loss

[Didactylos]

YANNNBU dont worry about offending her beliefs or her feelings
she had absolutely no consideration for yours

I have a relative I no longer keep in touch with because she insisted on doing something like this after a traumatic loss of a very much wanted pregnancy. I am quite a private person, dealt with it in my own way, and asked for a general message to be put out round the family - thanks for your good wishes, please don't send cards etc, not ready to talk about it.
She insisted on ambushing me at an event a few days later pursuing me as I tried to walk away, presenting me with her VISITATION - a religious hearts and flowers vision of my child waiting for me in heaven. It was about her, her reaching out compassionately, her sharing her religion, her her her her, and she could find no room to respect me or my feelings in what was a private matter (We have no common beliefs) I was so angry that my loss, my child were now being used as grist for her spiritual mill.

I can only imagine how much worse it is that this bitch is presuming to intrude on your grief for your husband. I am so sorry for your loss