About friends judgeyness at other friend "leaving baby"

[Fanfeckintastic]

There's a group of us organizing a weekend trip away for some time, most of us have children and can't wait to escape for a weekend of debauchery
One of the group (all female) has a new baby who will be two and a half months when we go and I just can't believe the attitudes the others seem to have about her leaving the baby with her very capable partner for the weekend!

She's coping brilliantly, better than I did! And two of the girls raising their eyebrows about it the most, partners went to Ibiza for a week when their babies were about same same age so I really can't comprehend their judgeyness!

Luckily we have freedom of thought.

Luckily we do. It's great to think about situations from different points of view and to realise that many different people with many different outlooks bear the title 'mother'.

I completely understand why some women couldn't bare to leave their young baby. Though I pity the children of all the close minded judgemental mother's, what if you're own DDs weren't to parent like you and God forbid weren't racked with guilt heading off for a weekend with friends?

fanfeck- there you go, making these judgements- you are as bad as the mothers you are criticising.

I wouldn't judge. Their baby, their choice. It all sounds perfectly reasonable.

I find the judging on each side of this issue a bit depressing.

"Being wrong" is subjective however.

fanfeck I completely understand why some women couldn't bare to leave their young baby. Though I pity the children of all the close minded judgemental mother's, what if you're own DDs weren't to parent like you and God forbid weren't racked with guilt heading off for a weekend with friends?

So women who don't want to leave their babies are close minded?

What have they actually said?
"Raised eyebrows"? Hardly black-balling is it?

Who ever said women who don't want to leave their babies are close minded? what strange assumptions you jump to! If you read the first line I said "I completely understand why some women couldn't bare to leave their babies"

I do pity the children of women who judge others though, same as I pity the children of racists and biggots.

And I actually think it's very similar, imagine a gay person growing up with a homophobe as a parent, afraid to be themselves. I'd imagine you'd have the same fear growing up with somebody so critical of others, especially if you were to parent in a way they openly admitted to judging.

I would have been very uncomfortable leaving my baby so young. But i know others who feel quite differently. I think each view is valid tbh.
Some people have a very difficult time during delivery or postnatally. For some of them having a "break" can be helpful and others it would be dreadful.

As someone who doesn't have children, I've watched dozens of friends go through these dilemmas and judgements. Some are relaxed and laid back about their baby being left, others couldn't possibly do it.

But to my eyes, every one of the babies is equally loved, equally healthy, and completely oblivious to the drama or heartache involved. Which seems to suggest to me that there isn't one absolutely right way to parent and maybe instead of considering that they're all doing it wrong, maybe they're all doing it right but just differently.

It sounds to me as if there has been bitching going on behind this woman's back. It's fine to have a personal opinion, it's fine to share that opinion with others, but this does sound like they are all whispering behind her back in a nasty way. If she goes, will there be passive aggressive comments made? Not nice for "friends" to do this.

It's really very simple - if you disapprove of someone else leaving their baby with their father for a whole (!) two days, it implies you think there's something wrong with that. You are judging it as being wrong. No one has yet provided a reason WHY its wrong, just said it is.

There's nothing wrong in feeling you couldn't leave your own for whatever reason. You're you after all, it's your choice as a free person, and you know your own life best.

judging makes you a jerk, whether you express it or not. Everyone's different. Be honest with yourself on why you think it's wrong and I'd be very surprised if there wasn't some seriously retrogressive thinking about a mother's role going on in there. And you know, that's fair enough - we're all fed a diet of absolute rubbish about how a 'good' woman/mother should behave, so its not surprising some of it sticks. But don't judge other people for acting differently to you, when their way is equally valid.

Blistory that us the most sensible thing that has been said in pages of discussion! We should leave it there now.

And I honestly couldn't say if I would or wouldn't. It would take the opportunity to have been there when ds was small, for me to know I how I would have felt. The thought of leaving him for the weekend to go on holiday never crossed my mind, simply because the opportunity wasn't there. And it's hard to remember looking back how I felt at that time generally. If I had another dc it would depend on the dc and how I felt at the time.

Yes, well said blistory

I hate the 'I'm entitled to my opinion ' excuse that gets trotted out here when people get pulled up on being judgemental .
Remember people : opinions are like arseholes; everybody has one

Wouldn't judge no , personally couldn't/wouldn't but that doesn't mean it is wrong does it ?

Wouldn't and couldn't have left mine but wouldn't judge on any level - the baby will be with its father. It's father! Not a stranger for goodness sake!