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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to ask a friend to check his facebook settings in case he's restricted me by mistake?

146 replies

WotchOotErAPolis · 15/01/2015 08:04

God, I hate social media - it makes us all paranoid and lose sleep over silly things, but I need HELP! Moved thread over from the 'facebook' one as that's being ignored (you'll see a theme here...!)

OK - so I got round to asking my fb friend why I couldn't see his timeline posts. Here's the story:

My best mate [CM], who is also a fb friend, came over earlier in the week and I relayed a funny story that my friend [let's call him GA] had posted on fb recently, with no names mentioned. She said she'd seen GAs post and now that she knew who the person in the post was, it was even funnier [happened to be my DH, who CM knows very well!].

When I said to CM, that I couldn't see GAs post and indeed had commented several times, to GA, that he didn't seem to be very active on fb recently and he didn't comment, she was a little surprised. The two of us went through GAs timeline and sure enough there were loads of posts there, some of which she'd 'like'd and indeed my sister had seen and 'like'd, and a friend that I introduced GA to about 3 weeks ago had seen a lovely post he'd put up, but I hadn't seen that one either.

I tackled GA about it this evening, telling him that CM had shown me his post and that she was curious why I wasn't able to see them. The only way this can happen, unless there's a bug of course, is if he has put me on his 'restricted' list for some reason to post something he didn't want me to see [which is fine - I do it myself sometimes], and then forgotten to unrestrict me .

Trouble is GA then got very shirty when I said yes I was a bit paranoid, and that he wished I wouldn't keep asking him about it as it was a bit creepy. I think it's creepy that we have known each other for 3 years and shared more than a few intimacies [not sexual - God no! - I just mean emotional stuff] over this time and yet someone who's only known him 5 minutes can see his timeline and that I seem to be the only one who is being shut out. He claims he has a couple of other friends who can't see his timeline for reason, that he has checked out his settings and wished I wouldn't keep asking.

My best friend [CM] thinks there's an issue but my sister who is a mutual friend on fb with all of us, thinks I'm making far too big a deal out of it as she doesn't see why GA would want to block me at all and why worry as he spends a lot of time with me and DH anyway, so it's not as if I'm missing out on any secrets!

Am I really being paranoid and is it actually possible? I find it incredible that he would block me as I have never ever done anything that might worry him, so he genuinely has no reason to block me deliberately.

[This is mumsnet so I'd 'fess up if there was an issue that I thought might influence the situation.]

OP posts:
Sn00p4d · 15/01/2015 08:09

Agree with your sister. FAR too big a deal of it.
Leave it now or you'll end up 'restricted' IRL.

ssd · 15/01/2015 08:09

you seriously need to give up fb for a while if you are this ^ obsessed with it

DustWitch · 15/01/2015 08:10

My understanding is that Facebook automatically restricts posts if you haven't liked or commented on someone's posts for a while.

NorwaySpruce · 15/01/2015 08:10

You sound unhinged.

Leave the poor guy alone. You have no claim whatsoever to his 'friends list'/private life/decision making process.

He actually told you to drop it - why don't you?

Me624 · 15/01/2015 08:10

I think you sound a bit creepy and obsessed to be honest. If you've mentioned it to GA more than once I can understand why he got a bit shirty with you about it.

AllThatGlistens · 15/01/2015 08:11

Oh wow.

I'd really drop this now.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/01/2015 08:11

I might have misunderstood your post, but I think it was quite pushy of you to bring it up in the first place. He's allowed to have whatever settings he likes, it's overbearing of you to interfere. I'm sorry, but I think this means you're not as close as you thought.

Happyringo · 15/01/2015 08:12

I think you're stressing a bit too much about it tbh...if I had a friend that kept asking me about fb the way you ask your friend I'd be tempted to just unfriend them altogether, then they wouldn't have to worry about my timeline any more!

DustWitch · 15/01/2015 08:13

Also, if you search GA and find his page then he hasn't blocked you. If you block someone on Facebook then they can't see anything you post at all.

IneedAwittierNickname · 15/01/2015 08:13

Can you see his posts if you looK on his time line?

Like DustWitch says fb stops putting things in your time line if they feel like it you haven't interacted with the other person for a while

ItsAllKickingOffPru · 15/01/2015 08:13

He's made it clear he doesn't want to discuss it so you need to back off.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 15/01/2015 08:14

Umm...in the nicest possible way, get over it. It's Facebook, it's not that important. Looks like he has restricted what you can see for some reason. Maybe a bit odd if you are as close as that but let it go.

StrawberryMojito · 15/01/2015 08:14

Is he still on your friends list? If so, can you view his recent posts at all if you search for them? Either way, I think you are just going to have to accept his explanation and let it go.

KingJoffreyObviouslyWatchesHol · 15/01/2015 08:14

You sound a bit obsessed.

You need to back away from this guy. Both on facebook and in real life.

He'll have his reasons for blocking you. Sounds like you're a bit stalkery and it unnerves him.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 15/01/2015 08:14

Definitely overreacting.

Isn't it just as likely that you've accidentally unfollowed his news feed? Have you checked that?

ineedtogetthisout · 15/01/2015 08:15

You mentioned him not being active on fb several times, then went through his timeline on another account looking at who liked all his posts, then 'tackled' him about it.

Can you reaĺly not see that yhis isnt normal behaviour?

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 15/01/2015 08:16

Facebook stops showing you stuff if you don't interact with people but if you click on their timeline you can still see it all. This poster has been hidden by her friend.

YackityUnderTheMistletoe · 15/01/2015 08:16

You're REALLY not going to get any sort of answer you like about FB on here, you know that, don't you?!

I'm not really into FB, (have an account that I haven't looked at in 6 months) but I can see why you would be upset if a good friend restricted what you can see on his time line. It's not so much that he's restricted you, but that he hasn't restricted others that he barely knows that would have irked.

YANBU to have asked once - YABVU to have 'tackled' him about it.

There may be other reasons why he has restricted you, he might be in touch with someone you don't like so he doesn't want you seeing their comments on his timeline or his on theirs (an ex maybe?)

If it bothers you that much, just restrict him on yours.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 15/01/2015 08:17

I don't mean to be rude but you really sound quite unhinged! It's either a bug or he didn't want you to see something for some reason and doesn't want to have to explain himself to you. Both are reasonable explanations. What exactly is bothering you about it??

notagainffffffffs · 15/01/2015 08:18

You can add people to different lists so they cant see evweything that you post- I do this with colleagues etc incase I post a dirty joke or whatever. For some reason you must have been added to such a list.
I would drop it. Hes obviously made his decision and is sticking with it

WhatsGoingOnEh · 15/01/2015 08:21

He might have restricted you on FB so he could post that story about your DH.

Tyzer85 · 15/01/2015 08:22

You sound deranged, your friend can do what he wants.

If you can see his posts when you view his profile then he hasn't restricted you, it's just Facebook deciding what it thinks you want to see. It is a pain in the arse as I like to see everything but Facebook thinks that it knows best.

BOFster · 15/01/2015 08:25

It's ok to feel puzzled, even hurt, by being restricted when other people aren't, but it's absolutely NOT ok to grill the guy about it. Too far.

The sad reality is probably that you've been restricted for a reason: you may hold very different views on something in particular, and he doesn't want grief or further conversation about it; you may have a bad habit of putting him in the spot about things (it sounds like you do!); you may be a gossip or liable to let slip his business to a mutual acquaintance; you may be offended by one of the commentators on his friend list...who knows?

But you must accept his entitlement to make his own decisions, and not be THAT needy and nosy person who disregards that boundary, or you'll end up restricted in real life too.

gamerchick · 15/01/2015 08:26

He doesn't want you looking at his posts. Let it go or just delete him. It's really not a big deal and you're being a bit full on about it which does come across as creepy.

WooWooOwl · 15/01/2015 08:27

Are you someone that feels the need to comment on everything that certain people post?

I've restricted a couple of people because they make dull and inane comments on everything I ever post, it's annoying.

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