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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to ask a friend to check his facebook settings in case he's restricted me by mistake?

146 replies

WotchOotErAPolis · 15/01/2015 08:04

God, I hate social media - it makes us all paranoid and lose sleep over silly things, but I need HELP! Moved thread over from the 'facebook' one as that's being ignored (you'll see a theme here...!)

OK - so I got round to asking my fb friend why I couldn't see his timeline posts. Here's the story:

My best mate [CM], who is also a fb friend, came over earlier in the week and I relayed a funny story that my friend [let's call him GA] had posted on fb recently, with no names mentioned. She said she'd seen GAs post and now that she knew who the person in the post was, it was even funnier [happened to be my DH, who CM knows very well!].

When I said to CM, that I couldn't see GAs post and indeed had commented several times, to GA, that he didn't seem to be very active on fb recently and he didn't comment, she was a little surprised. The two of us went through GAs timeline and sure enough there were loads of posts there, some of which she'd 'like'd and indeed my sister had seen and 'like'd, and a friend that I introduced GA to about 3 weeks ago had seen a lovely post he'd put up, but I hadn't seen that one either.

I tackled GA about it this evening, telling him that CM had shown me his post and that she was curious why I wasn't able to see them. The only way this can happen, unless there's a bug of course, is if he has put me on his 'restricted' list for some reason to post something he didn't want me to see [which is fine - I do it myself sometimes], and then forgotten to unrestrict me .

Trouble is GA then got very shirty when I said yes I was a bit paranoid, and that he wished I wouldn't keep asking him about it as it was a bit creepy. I think it's creepy that we have known each other for 3 years and shared more than a few intimacies [not sexual - God no! - I just mean emotional stuff] over this time and yet someone who's only known him 5 minutes can see his timeline and that I seem to be the only one who is being shut out. He claims he has a couple of other friends who can't see his timeline for reason, that he has checked out his settings and wished I wouldn't keep asking.

My best friend [CM] thinks there's an issue but my sister who is a mutual friend on fb with all of us, thinks I'm making far too big a deal out of it as she doesn't see why GA would want to block me at all and why worry as he spends a lot of time with me and DH anyway, so it's not as if I'm missing out on any secrets!

Am I really being paranoid and is it actually possible? I find it incredible that he would block me as I have never ever done anything that might worry him, so he genuinely has no reason to block me deliberately.

[This is mumsnet so I'd 'fess up if there was an issue that I thought might influence the situation.]

OP posts:
WotchOotErAPolis · 15/01/2015 14:13

Mumsnetters you are all simply fabulous! I can always rely on the truth even when it's harsh and hard to hear. Much love to all of you.

(And no it's not the same guy I lent my car to but I am the same OP!! Before you start thinking omg she's got another one to stress about, hey I have a lot else to worry over right now!!)

However I am being obsessive and I have lost sleep over it but it is sad that I've let something that ultimately shouldn't be an issue become one. He's told me he's checked it all & warned me off so I have to grow up & shut up! He'll have his reasons & I don't own him.

Afterwards, he calmly went off to try to fit a broken lightbulb (unbidden) for me & then stayed for a cuppa. I know him well enough not to mention it again & he knows me well enough to know he's made it quite clear. I'd rather he was a 'real' friend than a virtual one.

Thank you for making me see sense.

OP posts:
DarkHeart · 15/01/2015 14:20

This is a bugbear of mine as I have a friend who continually comments to me if they don't like what I post on FB. It's his page and he can restrict whoever he likes. You sound mad.

SistersOfPercy · 15/01/2015 14:26

He's made you an acquaintence. If you click on your friend list you can click next to them and make them acquaintences.
When you post there is an option at the bottom of the status box for who you are posting to, one of those options is "friends, not acquaintences".

A good half of my friends are on that list. People who you have to keep for political reasons but you don't want to see what they post and you don't want them to see yours.

KirjavaTheCat · 15/01/2015 14:26

Smile I'm glad you're feeling better about it OP.

WotchOotErAPolis · 15/01/2015 15:44

Feeling better, but as for me being the 'creepy' one, it's rather the other way around? I went for coffee with a mutual, new, friend who said how lovely his eulogy for a close pal was and I had to tell her I couldn't see anything on his fb page? That's just plain embarrassing for me and I can't help being angry about it.

I introduced her as a customer for him about a month ago and now they're friends, and she can see his posts, but he's blocked me [seemingly for over a year as it turns out, but I didn't notice - that was when I last saw any post from him] after 3 years of friendship in 'real life'? Now that's creepy.

Still, my earlier post stands. I'm not going to waste time trying to work it out. I have a life outside of FB.

Now, how do I end a thread on mumsnet?

OP posts:
VivienneRuns · 15/01/2015 16:00

You didn't have to tell her that you couldn't see it, you could have said you hadn't seen it. Most people don't pay much attention to what others post so she wouldn't have thought anything of it.

I've restricted people who were constantly scrutinising my page, posting unwanted, stupid and embarrassing comments everywhere, liking every picture going back years...... If people feel stalked and publicly embarrassed they'll restrict or defriend. You don't have the right to be pissed off. It's his FB.

diddl · 15/01/2015 16:00

What's creepy?

that he is FB friends with someone he hasn't known as long as you?

What's creepy about it?

That he seemingly prefers her or that he is willing to share stuff with her that he isn't with you?

That's just life!

JoanHickson · 15/01/2015 16:07

He is simply not the friend you thought he was and by the sounds of it he is misleading you.

As you say you will move on. I wouldn't bother being fb friends with him or rl either. Sounds like he uses you for introductions.

Puddingsandpiglets · 15/01/2015 16:21

I think he does have a genuine reason to block you deliberately, as you have proved by not leaving him the hell alone about this

foolssilver · 15/01/2015 16:23

Fwiw Op I agree that it's a bit weird to restrict a close friend on FB. I know it is his choice etc but it would make me question the friendship.

JoanHickson · 15/01/2015 16:26

It's like they want to peer into your life and keep their life to themselves, all the while leading you believe all is well. That's not a friend.

Electriclaundryland · 15/01/2015 16:31

Are you sure you've not accidentally blocked him from your news feed?

KellyElly · 15/01/2015 16:31

Block him, that will teach him Grin

FightOrFlight · 15/01/2015 16:38

Now, how do I end a thread on mumsnet?

Wait until it gets to 1,000 posts Grin

Other than that it will remain as an eternal reminder unless you have a good reason for asking MN to delete it.

BoredChurch · 15/01/2015 16:39

I don't have Facebook and it's great. OP are you sure you need to have Facebook?

OfaFrenchMind · 15/01/2015 16:39

I am not sure you understand the word "creepy"...

MonstrousPippin · 15/01/2015 16:59

I can understand you feeling hurt OP and I would be too. Something similar happened to me many years back, but it was before Facebook and was actually something called ICQ that my group of friends used to message and chat back in University, about 1999/2000. I'd asked one guy I thought I was friends with a couple of questions, like "do you know where x person is?" or similar, literally about twice. This apparently inconvenienced him enough to put me on "invisible" which meant I couldn't ever see him online. Weeks later I realised he was never online and eventually he fessed up that he'd blocked me because I was apparently annoying, after only 2 messages!

I restricted my cousin on Facebook because any tiny interesting thing I post triggers her to ring her mother who then rings my mother (not on FB) and gives some completely inaccurate story about me. My mum then rings me in a panic. After this happened about 10 times, I put her on restricted. She eventually noticed, got the hump and blocked me.

I also have a couple of other people on restricted who I am technically friends with but they are close to an ex of mine and I just don't want them bringing me up in conversation. Being restricted brings down the amount of personal stuff they know about me so they might be less likely to talk about me.

Recently a friend got a job at my work and is now a manager. I've immediately put him on restricted - hazard of being one of the bosses I'm afraid.

There's lots of possible reasons which aren't as hurtful as him secretly hating you. It might just be circumstance. Either way, you're just going to have to accept it and pretend Facebook doesn't exist. Hound him with messages asking what he's up to in his life and maybe he'll think it's easier to unrestrict you!

Summerisle1 · 15/01/2015 18:24

Your most recent update, OP describes the sort of situation that has made me ever less interested in being very active on FB. Far too many people seem to spend far too much time over-analysing "friendships" and the relative value of them based on nothing more significant than how these virtual relationships are managed. In real life, people are allowed to be closer to some friends than others. They are also allowed to share some confidences with some friends and not with others. For some reason, this is not something that Facebook appears to encourage. Or at least not something that some users of Facebook seem to realise is perfectly reasonable.

I'd seriously consider taking a break. You might find it a refreshing opportunity to get all sorts of things into perspective.

Marcelinewhyareyousomean · 15/01/2015 18:41

Mum you can add a permission to tagged pictures. in my group of friends we have an overzealous sharer that posts pictures THEY look best in. We have a pact to review pictures and don't like or comment on them if they are dodgy.

ShadowSuperNova · 15/01/2015 19:07

How do you restrict people on Facebook without actually defriending them anyway?

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 15/01/2015 19:19

Shadow you can limit the audience for your posts. For example you can share with all friends, all friends except xyz (you can choose manually who to exclude), and all friends except people in a certain group that you have set up beforehand. I put up a post once that for various reasons I excluded 2 people on my list from seeing, now when I add a post it automatically excludes them unless I specify otherwise. I think the most likely scenario is that GA has restricted OP from a post in the past and now everything he updates it automatically restricts her from seeing it.

VitoCorleoneAgain · 15/01/2015 19:28

Do you fancy this man?

AnyFucker · 15/01/2015 19:35

op was asked that question, vito, when she was banging on about some other bloke that isn't her husband, some convoluted "misunderstanding" and how dramatic and head fucking it all was

there certainly seems some kind of strange fantasy narrative going on inside her bonce involving men and her

WotchOotErAPolis · 15/01/2015 20:49

VCA : say what??

& AF: read previous posts! I've already said I've come to a resolution, so you guys can carry on speculating all you like & expand on the theme of fb being a headfuck!

I'm off before I really do be crazy.

OP posts:
sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 15/01/2015 21:24

You've posted the exact same thing elsewhere but HE is a SHEBlush

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