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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to ask a friend to check his facebook settings in case he's restricted me by mistake?

146 replies

WotchOotErAPolis · 15/01/2015 08:04

God, I hate social media - it makes us all paranoid and lose sleep over silly things, but I need HELP! Moved thread over from the 'facebook' one as that's being ignored (you'll see a theme here...!)

OK - so I got round to asking my fb friend why I couldn't see his timeline posts. Here's the story:

My best mate [CM], who is also a fb friend, came over earlier in the week and I relayed a funny story that my friend [let's call him GA] had posted on fb recently, with no names mentioned. She said she'd seen GAs post and now that she knew who the person in the post was, it was even funnier [happened to be my DH, who CM knows very well!].

When I said to CM, that I couldn't see GAs post and indeed had commented several times, to GA, that he didn't seem to be very active on fb recently and he didn't comment, she was a little surprised. The two of us went through GAs timeline and sure enough there were loads of posts there, some of which she'd 'like'd and indeed my sister had seen and 'like'd, and a friend that I introduced GA to about 3 weeks ago had seen a lovely post he'd put up, but I hadn't seen that one either.

I tackled GA about it this evening, telling him that CM had shown me his post and that she was curious why I wasn't able to see them. The only way this can happen, unless there's a bug of course, is if he has put me on his 'restricted' list for some reason to post something he didn't want me to see [which is fine - I do it myself sometimes], and then forgotten to unrestrict me .

Trouble is GA then got very shirty when I said yes I was a bit paranoid, and that he wished I wouldn't keep asking him about it as it was a bit creepy. I think it's creepy that we have known each other for 3 years and shared more than a few intimacies [not sexual - God no! - I just mean emotional stuff] over this time and yet someone who's only known him 5 minutes can see his timeline and that I seem to be the only one who is being shut out. He claims he has a couple of other friends who can't see his timeline for reason, that he has checked out his settings and wished I wouldn't keep asking.

My best friend [CM] thinks there's an issue but my sister who is a mutual friend on fb with all of us, thinks I'm making far too big a deal out of it as she doesn't see why GA would want to block me at all and why worry as he spends a lot of time with me and DH anyway, so it's not as if I'm missing out on any secrets!

Am I really being paranoid and is it actually possible? I find it incredible that he would block me as I have never ever done anything that might worry him, so he genuinely has no reason to block me deliberately.

[This is mumsnet so I'd 'fess up if there was an issue that I thought might influence the situation.]

OP posts:

SolomanDaisy · 15/01/2015 08:29

It's pointless everyone telling the OP it's on my Facebook. People get upset by things on Facebook and she is. The friend has obviously restricted her or she'd be able to see his timeline. That doesn't just happen and suggests there is some sort of issue.

Sister77 · 15/01/2015 08:32

Maybe your not as good friends as you thought?
If this is an example of your behaviour maybe there's a reason for that?
This happened to me and I deactivated my fbook to get a reality check. The same person who defriended me on fbook NEVER got in touch in real life it was me that did the running. I was too needy for them. At a time they needed support I made it all about me. We're back to normal now but I needed to take a long hard look at myself to realise I was the problem.

UmizoomiThis · 15/01/2015 08:34

When I post pics of the kids, I only add family to the post. Next time post, the same settings I had for my last post are the default.

Calling it creepy is, however, an odd reaction from your friend. I would definitely pull back and not share as much in real life with him.

scarletforya · 15/01/2015 08:37

Look, you seem very intense. You 'tackled' him!?? Really?

He might not like you as much as you like him, have you ever thought about that? People are allowed not like you. What you do as a grown adult is accept it gracefully. You don't confront someone because they restricted you. People are allowed to have their boundaries. You are supposed to understand that it's not ok to crash through them so tactlessly.

Back off, big-time.

benfoldsfive · 15/01/2015 08:37

Yabu. You can restrict someone from seeing your post work out doing it consciously. It's actually time consuming to block someone from just seeing particular posts than it is to block them completely.

Ok , you feel as a close friend, that there is no need for him to do that but he feels clearly he has a reason.

He knows that you won't approve of content

He is aiming the post at someone who he wants /knows will comment but your comments will put who it is intended for off. Or you won't approve of them being friends (you do sound rather over barring)

You constantly comment and ate making him look like a fool/annoying him/an adulterer/ in a relationship

benfoldsfive · 15/01/2015 08:39

*you can't

Ilovehamabeads · 15/01/2015 08:40

I have a friend who does this toe sometimes. Bizarre as my DH is never restricted so I can always see the hidden posts through him. Never sure why she would restrict my viewing the posts are never sensational or involve me. I've never raised it with her though, it would look like I was taking far too much interest then.

peggyundercrackers · 15/01/2015 08:40

you say "God, I hate social media - it makes us all paranoid and lose sleep over silly things" erm... no it doesn't - its only you who feels like this.

facebook is a pile of nonsense for people who don't have real friends. I suggest you get a life and get out more.

Ilovehamabeads · 15/01/2015 08:40

Toe = to me

Marcelinewhyareyousomean · 15/01/2015 08:42

if a good friend restricted me from seeing their timeline then it would suggest they have an issue. Restricting is a cowards way out because it isn't as obvious as unfriending. It doesn't sound like you found anything controversial on his wall. Restriction is for frenemies and not something I can be arsed with. Unfollowing can be helpful in reducibg the amount of Bitstrips, Grumpy Cat and football nonsense.

His behaviour sounds strange, of he doesn't want to talk about what his problem is (it may be minor), I'd step back a bit in real life.

msgrinch · 15/01/2015 08:43

yabu, creepy and unhinged. Poor bloke. If he's got any sense he'll block you now.

RyanAirVeteran · 15/01/2015 08:46

Needy and controlling.

kungfupannda · 15/01/2015 08:48

Isn't this just Facebook feeding you the stuff you comment on regularly? I've got lots of friends whose posts don't come up automatically, but which I can see if I look, or if they mention me. On the other hand, my newsfeed seems to be a bit obsessed with 2 or 3 friends in particular and gives me a blow-by-blow account of their lives. I did have to change my settings for one, because she posts on Facebook about 15 times a day and it was all that I seemed to be seeing. I also have to keep resetting my newsfeed to 'most recent', otherwise it sticks on one post for days.

If that's the case then there's nothing your friend can do about it, and going on about it is just making you look obsessed and paranoid.

CeCeLaine · 15/01/2015 08:52

If it is making you paranoid and you are losing sleep over it then its probably time to get off Facebook!!!

Most people aren't, but Some people are unnaturally obsessed with it. They live their life checking for updates, posting inane updates of their own, worrying about the whole he said, she said and god forbid, getting extremely irate because someone has blocked or restricted their viewing. Have seen it so many times in RL. Friends going totally OTT about what has/hasn't been said/done on FB and yet they cant possibly understand why I wouldn't have an account.

I guess it makes them feel important.

TitchyThings · 15/01/2015 08:54

He wants to gossip about your DH without you reading it.

Is your DH on FB?

Only1scoop · 15/01/2015 08:57

Blimey I'm glad I don't use FB....how ridiculous....

If it's making you feel like that leave well alone....

He finds you creepy for asking....it does all sound a bit full on.

ChocolateOranges · 15/01/2015 09:01

The two of us went through GAs timeline and sure enough there were loads of posts there, some of which she'd 'like'd and indeed my sister had seen and 'like'd, and a friend that I introduced GA to about 3 weeks ago had seen a lovely post he'd put up, but I hadn't seen that one either

Wow. Do yourself a favour, close your facebook account. You're investing far too much into it. Get out into the real world and chat to friends in person and not dissect social media nor tackle people about things they've posted which you haven't seen.

MorelliOrRanger · 15/01/2015 09:27

I think you'll find yourself culled completely instead of restricted if you don't leave him alone.

stripedtortoise · 15/01/2015 09:34

Wow. Ridiculous.

Also you sound very keen to point out there's been nothing sexual between you. Which makes me think you protest too much and actually have a thing for this bloke and this is why it's bothering you so much.

ImBatDog · 15/01/2015 09:39

do you mean they're not coming up on your news feed, or that you cant see them even if you go on his wall?

if its the prior, its just the fb algorithm not showing them to you, you need to interact with him more.

if its the latter, then he must have restricted the people who can view his posts, in which case, suck it up and stop going on about it, sorry.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 15/01/2015 09:39

Be honest, when you think back over the posts you have seen, have you liked and commented on them all?

I have my mil, sil and other il's restricted because they think "Like" means "Seen" - they like EVERY single thing I post or share, on my timeline or anyone else's, each individual photo, even if I post an album of 40 pics in one go. My phone goes crazynuts as they all sit there going through them all

Like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like

Ahem. So if you do any of that, I can see why he'd restrict you.

CinnabarRed · 15/01/2015 09:43

I don't think it's creepy to care about being restricted. I do think it's creepy to keep nagging him about it.

naty1 · 15/01/2015 10:02

I dont know. But i found a friend must have deleted me. As i went to look at their page. Was puzzled there was no updates for months and a bit concerned and looked and saw not friended any more!
Well i know ive not done anything. So i just re-requested and they accepted- very strange.
I agree it could be a clean up from me not actively liking etc

CrystalHaze · 15/01/2015 10:08

God, I hate social media - it makes us all paranoid and lose sleep over silly things

Truthfully, it doesn't make us ALL feel like that.

If that's how it's making you feel then you should think about why it affects you on such a deep level. Are you relying on FB to plug a gap in your social life? Or (as a pp asked) are you someone who 'likes' everything the second it's posted and comments on every single thing? I've restricted a few people because it felt 'stalkery' how they pounced on every single thing the millisecond it was posted.

He might find you utterly delightful in real life, but irritating as hell on Facebook. I know a few people who I'd put in that category ;)

CrystalHaze · 15/01/2015 10:11

James, my MIL is exactly the same! For some unknown reason she also retweets every single tweet by people she follows on twitter. God knows why, and god knows where she finds the time. It must be like a full-time job!

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