To remove/not remove my child's fingers

[24digits]

My DS was born earlier this year. He's absolutely perfect and is a healthy, happy little baby. He was born with an extra digit on each hand and foot so has 12 fingers and 12 toes. His fingers are perfectly formed with joints and nails. His toes, although they look a little more unusual, are also perfectly formed but do make his feet wider.

Upon leaving hospital we were given follow up appointments with a plastic surgeon to discuss our future options, except when we got there it seemed less like a question and answer session, but more like a discussion on when we will surgically remove DS's extra digits. We left, making it clear we hadn't yet made a decision, but we're told that it was better for DS to have any operation before age 2.

DH and I are completely torn on whether we put our perfectly healthy little boy through two painful operations to remove extra digits. Please can you give me your most honest, unvarnished opinions on what you would do because I really need to feel like we have considered everything before we make a decision.

At the moment we are considering letting DS have the operation to remove his toes so that he will be able to wear shoes, but everyone seems to be certain that my DS will be bullied if his extra fingers aren't removed. Am I subjecting my DS to a life of bullying if we don't go ahead with the operation?

sorry, that should have said *develop normally, I think it is almost like tattooing your son'a hands, something he would have to live with for the rest of his life, and which of course there is no question anyone would so to an un consenting child. But he could choose to do later on.

I would enjoy kissing his sweet newborn fingers and toes, all of them , before he is not wriggling away to play

I agree that it would be a shame to base this important decision on a fear of future bullying which may well turn out to be entirely unfounded (and in any case should be dealt with by any remotely competent school).

Can you do a really detailed list of potential pros and cons, in conjunction with the doctors and with parents who have faced this issue previously?

I don't want to burst your bubble but Your child is still very young Dixie Chick,.her peers haven't got to the nasty stage yet.

OP FGS get them removed.You are just setting her up for self consciousness at the very best.Bullying ,embarassment, self loathing at worst.

Oh wow, what a decision. My gut reaction is to leave them for now, and doctors research, speak to people that are affected personally.

I agree with the arguments re bodily autonomy as well, you don't have to wait for a child to be 18 to make the decision, once they get older and are aware etc it's,something that can be discussed as necessary.

Fwiw the elder two madthings both have birth mark/cosmetic issues that the nhs kindly offered to fix for 'cosmetic' reasons, we declined. I wasn't willing to put my child through surgery, ga and the risks etc for cosmetic reasons. We always made it clear it was up to the madthings themselves. They are now 15 and 12 and not remotely bothered abd wouldn't want surgery.

I agree with making a list of pros/cons etc. Speaking to parents and others who have experience.

I think the fact that they seem to be functioning etc makes a difference.

What are the risks of operating, what complications can arise from operating or not etc.

I agree with the posters who say that future bullying would not be something I gave consideration to. It would be physical and health implications.

Is it really an anatomically complete finger? That's very rare.

I would remove.

I'm really surprised at this thread. Ask abut circumcision,and MNers are up in arms. Ask about removing 4 fully functional digits and they are all for it. U would leave well alone. I think its really sad that everyone is saying you should chop bits off your boy so that he can fit in with society.

Yes it will potentially have longer healing times, and your DC will remember the procedure, but let them decide.

They bullied me because I was timid and lacked confidence

No, they bullied you because they were bullies.

It seems to be OK to suggest people are bullied because of their personality (timid) and suggest they change it to minimise bullying but it is not OK to suggest changing anything to do with appearance.

I would be so angry if my parents had decided to have two fully functioning digits chopped off as a baby.

Kids will always find something to bully other kids about, even with the usual numbers of fingers, your DS may be bullied about his height/hair/teeth etc.

I think its really sad that everyone is saying you should chop bits off your boy so that he can fit in with society

itsallgoingtobefine
have you got any extra fingers? It's all very well telling someone else not to adapt to society.You're not the one who has to live with it

You're not the one who has to live with it.

How do you think people's confidence is affected by having to live with a deformity

The point about being musical is similar to the olympian. It could be an advantage to reach the keys/strings for many instruments, but music is written for and by people with 10 fingers. Serious music competitions or music schools might not accept candidate who play in an unconventional way or have an apparent advantage. However that shouldn't stop someone enjoying playing, and potentially having a musical career if that is what they want. My children have differences in their fingers which makes playing more difficult, but they still enjoy playing.

I don't think I've ever seen anyone with an extra digit. I think Anne Boleyn did on one hand.

I think I would remove them. As an adult I know that I wouldn't want them and would have wanted them removed as early as possible. People are rude, crass and ignorant.

All the comments about bullying are so sad. I agree that the answer to bullying is to stop the bullies (children and adults).

A child with six fingers at my DC's school would not experience any bullying. Two of my DC have a "difference" (completely different to this) and it is not an issue in anything other than practical terms. But the school has a very strong ethos of no bullying, and of rewarding and encouraging co-operation and kindness. Every school should do this.

I haven't read the whole thread, but I did know a girl when I was at school who had extra toes.
Her and I used to swim together, and she was a very good swimmer, but was banned from taking part in competitions because her extra digits were deemed to give her an unfair advantage.
So in case you and your DH have any plans for your DS to be an athlete, you might want to factor that in to your thoughts

I have to admit that the prospect of bullying didn't enter my mind when we were discussing my daughters surgery, but it's a valid consideration along with all other concerns.

I wouldn't put him through an operation. I'd be worried about the anaesthetic and hospital infections/infections in general. Also phantom pains that some amputees suffer.

He won't definitely be bullied or "put through hell" at school. Even if that does happen it can be dealt with. He'll have problems with finding shoes and will have to wear mittens or specially made gloves, that's about it.

He's not disabled by having extra digits and they're causing him no pain. He is who he is and he's perfectly healthy.

I've just read Francesca Martinez's wonderful book, What the @@@@ is Normal? , and that is probably making me see things differently.

I would leave it to the child to decide when they are older, unless it was causing them pain or distress.

But the school has a very strong ethos of no bullying, and of rewarding and encouraging co-operation and kindness. Every school should do this.

I don't think there any schools that don't have a zero tolerance policy towards bullying or strongly discourage it, but sadly you will still get bullies, at school, in life, down the pub, at work...

and those bullies could pick anyone to bully.

Haven't read the thread but I would remove them. We have friends whose son had an extra 'thumb'. The father is a consultant (ie medically trained) and they decided to get it removed. We didn't even know that he had that until the mother mentioned it in passing. We then looked at his hand and really couldn't tell the difference. The child is now 6 and is pretty unaware of it ever happening.

I think if it's a straightforward surgery and if it makes his quality of life better (having 'normal' shoes and gloves and not having to put up with mockery even if it's unintended), it would be a no brainer. I would do it. And do it as soon as.

I think I would remove them simply to make life easier. My reasons
(1) I'm sure that if this is done when young then there is reduced scarring
(2) what happens if your child wants to work in an occupation where they need to wear gloves e.g. Healthcare, science, catering. I don't think they make disposable gloves for extra digits. This is something that my bizarre mind would worry about.
(3) I think if I had an extra digit I may worry how it would affect the way others view me and the way I viewed myself I.e. Am I hopeless at ball sports because of my extra finger etc. however if I actually grew up with an extra digit I may not have these thoughts. I don't know.

Personally I would get it done.

Bullying does happen and I would imagine they having 12 fingers and toes would make someone a very easy target.

I would get it done as early enough as you feel comfortable because the nearer the child gets to toddler-dom the more traumatic it is likely to be for them. I imagine recovery would be a lot quicker for a baby who knows no different as opposed to a toddler who will no doubt fiddle with dressings etc and be far more annoyed by any restrictions on his movements that casts may cause. An immobile baby will be much less fussed.

There is just as much risk of psychological scarring at growing up knowing you have been born with a 'deformity' and had an operation to have 4 functioning and normal looking digits removed.

I'm glad that this is available on the NHS, but it shouldnt be such an automatic choice.

I'm sure DH has worked with someone with 12 fingers at one stage. We have adult relatives and friends with all kinds of abnormalities. Tongue tie not operated on, extremes of height and foot sizes, various hidden disabilities and differences, health problems, on medication, learning difficulties, sight problems etc. I can't think of anyone who is completely 'normal'!